Friends are Awesome!

I know that there are obstacles in life, which we don’t necessarily choose but ‘stuff’ happens. Over the last few days I’ve been around good friends who are experiencing significant heartache because of family members who have made poor life choices. I know that as a parent one of the greatest tendencies is to want to rescue our kids regardless of whether they are 5 or 25 years old. I have been programed from birth to see failure as the end of the rope. Yet, as I do more work in marginalized neighborhoods and affluent neighborhoods it is becoming more clear that the path to success or sustainability is through failing, falling on your face or watching a loved one dive bomb.

I was blessed a few days ago with a connection that saw a single dad friend receive a washer and dryer that are in great condition. As I reconnected with a close friend, who I’ve known over the last 19 years, we talked, as usual, about our kids who had grown up together. We both had success stories and not so great stories to share. The challenge is that no parent wants to watch their adult kids end up as substance abusers that are no longer capable of keeping a job, maintaining relationships or functioning in any situation. The unfortunate reality is that there is usually someone in their circle of family and friends who tries to rescue them not realizing that they are really hurting their chances of eventually getting back on track and be able to put life’s pieces of the puzzle back together.

Last night we went skating with a gigantic group of youth with New City. I was again struck with the reality that the fallout from brokenness is obvious in the way that we live. One of my teens quickly over reacted to someone that was making fun of him. This girl had just joked and his fuse, which is way too short, went off and the loud voice and display of anger was scary. On the other hand I was fortunate to talk with a cousin of one of our teens who is going through some really tough times with health issues and a struggle with living arrangements. She was able to communicate as an adult even though she is still young and has grown up in difficult circumstances.

My wife bumped into an old friend that we hadn’t seen in 10 years to hear about the circumstances around the demise of his marriage to another good friend of my Anne’s. The real ‘bummer’ was hearing one of our key volunteer couples share about their adult kid’s struggles with substance abuse. I know that the tenderness of any mom towards their son or daughter’s struggles will bring tears and emotional collapse.

I know that too often you can’t reason with someone who is in denial about his or her life choices. You can even scream at them and come close to beating them only to realize that they don’t hear you or understand your actions at all. I can remember when one of my siblings had a drug issue that saw their collapse and then their more willingness to listen. I knew that attempting to strong arm my one sibling wouldn’t only cause more alienation and contention with me.

I know that too often one of the symptoms of brokenness is both substance abuse and emotional instability. It is so easy for many of our youth and adults to have this huge anger issue that is always exhibited in blowing up in confusing circumstances that don’t make much sense. I know that it is a waste of time to attempt to reason or argue with someone that is crashing and burning. It is only as they step up out of the gutter that they are more open to asking for help and actually listening.

One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, would look back at his life and express his brokenness in the area of his alcoholism, which destroyed most of his relationships and forced him to eventually live on the edge where he couldn’t fool himself or God about his weakness. I know that this priest is a very gifted writer and communicator who is afraid that people will not see through to his real self when they listen or read about his passion for God’s love for the least, the last or the lost. He would always begin any conversation with saying that he is an alcoholic whose life has literally been in the gutter.

The real question, which I face, is that it is all too easy for me to act as if my life is really better than those around me. I don’t struggle with drug or alcohol issues and I don’t have a temper that ends up in loud outbursts. Yet, my false sense of importance or belief, that I’m really more intelligent than most, is so far from the truth. I would hope to understand a little bit more about what it means to be a servant leader where humility takes precedence over an ego driven battle to be perceived by my peers as being successful. 

Hitting the Bottom

I know that there are obstacles in life, which we don’t necessarily choose but ‘stuff’ happens. Over the last few days I’ve been around good friends who are experiencing significant heartache because of family members who have made poor life choices. I know that as a parent one of the greatest tendencies is to want to rescue our kids regardless of whether they are 5 or 25 years old. I have been programed from birth to see failure as the end of the rope. Yet, as I do more work in marginalized neighborhoods and affluent neighborhoods it is becoming more clear that the path to success or sustainability is through failing, falling on your face or watching a loved one dive bomb.

I was blessed a few days ago with a connection that saw a single dad friend receive a washer and dryer that are in great condition. As I reconnected with a close friend, who I’ve known over the last 19 years, we talked, as usual, about our kids who had grown up together. We both had success stories and not so great stories to share. The challenge is that no parent wants to watch their adult kids end up as substance abusers that are no longer capable of keeping a job, maintaining relationships or functioning in any situation. The unfortunate reality is that there is usually someone in their circle of family and friends who tries to rescue them not realizing that they are really hurting their chances of eventually getting back on track and be able to put life’s pieces of the puzzle back together.

Last night we went skating with a gigantic group of youth with New City. I was again struck with the reality that the fallout from brokenness is obvious in the way that we live. One of my teens quickly over reacted to someone that was making fun of him. This girl had just joked and his fuse, which is way too short, went off and the loud voice and display of anger was scary. On the other hand I was fortunate to talk with a cousin of one of our teens who is going through some really tough times with health issues and a struggle with living arrangements. She was able to communicate as an adult even though she is still young and has grown up in difficult circumstances.

My wife bumped into an old friend that we hadn’t seen in 10 years to hear about the circumstances around the demise of his marriage to another good friend of my Anne’s. The real ‘bummer’ was hearing one of our key volunteer couples share about their adult kid’s struggles with substance abuse. I know that the tenderness of any mom towards their son or daughter’s struggles will bring tears and emotional collapse.

I know that too often you can’t reason with someone who is in denial about his or her life choices. You can even scream at them and come close to beating them only to realize that they don’t hear you or understand your actions at all. I can remember when one of my siblings had a drug issue that saw their collapse and then their more willingness to listen. I knew that attempting to strong arm my one sibling wouldn’t only cause more alienation and contention with me.

I know that too often one of the symptoms of brokenness is both substance abuse and emotional instability. It is so easy for many of our youth and adults to have this huge anger issue that is always exhibited in blowing up in confusing circumstances that don’t make much sense. I know that it is a waste of time to attempt to reason or argue with someone that is crashing and burning. It is only as they step up out of the gutter that they are more open to asking for help and actually listening.

One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, would look back at his life and express his brokenness in the area of his alcoholism, which destroyed most of his relationships and forced him to eventually live on the edge where he couldn’t fool himself or God about his weakness. I know that this priest is a very gifted writer and communicator who is afraid that people will not see through to his real self when they listen or read about his passion for God’s love for the least, the last or the lost. He would always begin any conversation with saying that he is an alcoholic whose life has literally been in the gutter.

The real question, which I face, is that it is all too easy for me to act as if my life is really better than those around me. I don’t struggle with drug or alcohol issues and I don’t have a temper that ends up in loud outbursts. Yet, my false sense of importance or belief, that I’m really more intelligent than most, is so far from the truth. I would hope to understand a little bit more about what it means to be a servant leader where humility takes precedence over an ego driven battle to be perceived by my peers as being successful. 

I'm Ok but You Suck?

I have to confess that I did grow up in the 70’s and that a large portion of my intellectual baggage came out of the 60’s mindset where you didn’t trust anyone that was over 20. It was understood that you were anti-authoritarian and that any beliefs of your parents or grandparents you automatically doubted or believed the opposite. I would never be caught dead being viewed as being old school about anything. The challenge is I have grown up and now am considered on the other side of life and should see my intellectual shortcomings.

I can remember taking your typical Psychology 101 course that was in a rather gigantic lecture hall that would accommodate around 500 students. The professor and his TA were not that outstanding but I do remember the sessions that covered transactional analysis or dumbed down to layman’s terms that either I’m ok and you’re ok or I’m ok and you’re not ok or I’m not ok but you’re ok. I have to admit that most people, myself included, believe that they are fantastic in their views about life and you obviously don’t have a clue about much of anything. I know that we are too quick to judge someone and say they suck but maybe if we were totally honest we would admit that we believe that we are the smartest and are closed to learning from other’s life experiences.

I’m a student of philosophy that enjoys reading and better understanding the present mindset among both the typical person on the street that Letterman or Leno would interview and also the supposed intellectual you would find on a college campus. I know that if I’m going to be capable of dialoguing with anyone I had better understand the present mindset so I can at least attempt to put myself in their ‘shoes’. I just finished reading a rather interesting little book by an atheist that wants to ‘air’ her gripes about religious types. I had read Christopher Hutchings book a few years ago, “God is not Great….” and realized that I needed to stay in better touch with those outside my worldview.

As I finished reading “Why Are Atheists Always Angry”, it struck me that Christians are very closed minded to other worldviews and we come across as arrogant and conceited. I have always thought, even as a young 20 something, that I held the only correct view of the universe and understood all mysteries about life. I would be the one that would come up soon with the unifying equation that would be the amazing link between science and theology. Yet, my name hasn’t appeared on the Who’s Who’s of anything recently.

Is it really possible for anyone to really be capable of listening and learning from someone with a totally different view of life? I know that the book, “99 Things Which Piss off the Godless”, gave the impression that only the godless have the ability to be opened minded and capable of discussing divergent opinions. The other impression that should be obvious to all is that the religious types are the ones that have caused great atrocities throughout the recorded history of mankind. War typically is started because the godly believe it is their divine right to rule the world and take ownership of all the land regardless of the collateral damage.

My wife and I take our dogs for walks on the canal trail at 5:30am or close to that and also before we go to bed. We dialogue a bunch about her present graduate clinical studies about spiritual care and our work in doing neighborhood transformation. I have been bred and taught to always be the aggressor. I can remember as a young Christian thinking that I had the truth and hotline to God and that all others were deficient. As I live and reflect more on the life of Christ I’m discovering or admitting that Jesus chose usually to take the road less traveled and be at the back of the line or the one to quickly do the dirty work instead of assuming that the working class would do it.

I get a sense that Greta’s book on why she is always ticked at the godly is that we aren’t living like Christ but competing for first place in line when it comes to intellectual ability or the desire to be articulate. I know that it is impossible to hear someone when I’m talking. So I have to admit that maybe I’m not ok and I shouldn’t say much of anything about you. Yet, too often I’ve made the fallacious assumption that I’m sitting on the top of the world looking down on everyone else who needs to put on my colored glasses to understand the mysterious of life. The only way that I will ever hear a Greta type of person is when I’m humble enough to admit that I’m not ok. 

The Power of Media

I had one of my teens come over on Saturday and do some video of a few of our younger kids. Ruby is 7 and Bookie is 10. It took us a few practices runs before Thad and I had all of the video equipment working. It is amazing what can happen when you turn the microphone in the ‘on’ position instead not checking it and being surprised when there isn’t any audio. The purpose of this short video clip was for a project at Thad’s High School – Brophy. We had planned on hiking that morning but the weather had decided to stay horrible and it was cold, cloudy and sprinkling though out most of the day. It was the perfect day to listen to a few of my kids tell their stories.

I confess to the fact that I love to talk and at times say way too much. So I like to say that pictures or video sometimes can be so much more powerful than words. Yeah, a picture can be worth a thousand words. How is it possible to depict what it would be like to grow up in today’s world without a dad? As we intentionally asked both Ruby and Bookie to talk a little about their young lives the common factor for them was a missing dad. Ruby lost her dad at the age of one. He died in a car accident. She has been fortunately been raised by a mom who is plugged into her larger family so grandma, grandpa and uncle have made a huge difference. Bookie’s dad has been in prison since he was three. His dad killed someone in the midst of a gang fight.

It is difficult to describe with words the look on both of these kid’s faces when I asked them if there were one thing in their lives they could change, what would it be. It wasn’t rocket science to hear both of them quickly say; “I would love to have my dad with me”. I have known both kids since they were very young and watched them grow up over the last 5 years. I have had the privilege of being more like a grandpa that can spoil them and be with them at least once a week maybe more often.

My young friend, Thad, who has this video project due in a week, had his work cut out for him.  He took probably 15 minutes of video and had to use these pictures and interviews to talk about the issues of generational poverty from the perspective of a child. I know that seeing young Pee Pee, who is 5 walk around looking like a little kid and hearing me talk about their circumstances will touch anyone to help them rethink their view and willingness to help with the underprivileged at risk youth.

I love to use pictures; music and some voiceover to help get across simple message that one person can make a difference in the lives of someone else. I’m so jazzed that Thad chose to do this to help our little friends Bookie, Ruby and Pee Pee.  

99 Things That Piss Off the Godless

I just recently finished reading a book, ‘Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things that Piss Off the Godless’, by Greta Christina. I know that most of my Christian friends would be offended by the overall message of Greta’s book, that most religious types don’t think much about what they say, most don’t understand the bigger implications of the tensions between the science community, the religious or theological community and the over simplification of life issues that most religious make. I too agree that over the centuries of man’s existence that many atrocities have been committed in the name of God or some derivation.  

I know that most people react to anyone that comes across as if his or her answers to life’s big questions are the only answer. I know that the zeal and fanatical tendencies of many Christians can even drive their family and Christian friends to drink. I can look back at my life and am embarrassed to see how I treated my dad and even my future father in-law when it came to my newfound faith. I was just a teen who had barely touched the surface of the mysteries of the universe, hadn’t read much or studied either science or philosophy. I was more concerned about expressing my point of view in deference to theirs that I totally missed out on learning about the simple fact that even in my own religious group there are a variety of views to answer the big questions in life. I have come to better understand that we live in a society that is eclectic and pluralistic.

Yes, I reacted to Greta’s shortsighted summary that most Christians don’t think or have any heart for scientific study or philosophical inquiry. Yet, the majority of her book really showed the lack of concern that most religious types have for those around them that differ from them and clearly don’t like because of their views. I know that the whole topic of whether there is truth or whether there is a unifying equation that will perfectly explain reality is a heated debate.

It’s not that I delight in pissing people off but I do love to have a healthy dialogue about whether anyone really knows the truth, is there such a thing as truth and if God does exist how is it possible to know that my version of God is correct. I know that having lived around San Francisco a good portion of my life I have been exposed to views that are extremely contrary to my Christian World View. I am learning to be open to listen, think more and be slower to peg someone as being a ‘wacko liberal’ type. Just as I have, some friends or acquaintances, that are definitely wacko religious types. I cringe when I hear about someone bombing a clinic or someone that has delivered a death threat to someone on the other side.

Is it ultimately possible for me to persuade a Greta type of person to see life through my worldview ala presupilitionalism from one of my professors? I know that Greta was quick to admit that most religious types don’t convert to atheism during one heated debate but over a period of time when their pat religious answers don’t work. I have faced much tragedies in my life and know that at any point it would have been easy to walk away from God and truly say what difference does it make? I watched my mom die slowly over a decade from the ravages of cancer. I prayed along with hundreds for God to heal her and spare her life. She died and it would be easy to say that if there is a God he didn’t hear my prayers or he, she or whoever delights in torturing grandma types.

I know that my adult kids or the youth we are working with at New City in the hood are growing up in an age of relativism where anything goes or as I would say nothing really matters. I know that while studying philosophy in college that I was exposed to what life would be like if God didn’t exist. I was fascinated by Kant’s notion that it would be better to live as if God existed to provide a moral structure for life than to concede that God is man’s invention. I read many of the existentialists of the early 50’s-60’s and understood the crisis of faith that might produce a rather negative view of whether life is worth living.

I know that I’m not going to persuade someone like Greta to walk away from her present worldview much as I’m not going to ‘chuck’ God because of the tension of whether further scientific discovery erases the need to buy into the existence of God. I thoroughly enjoyed getting my philosophy degree, which was both a focus on religious studies, classical philosophy and the philosophy of science. One of the books that profoundly influenced me was written by Thomas Kuhn, “Theories of Scientific Revolution”. He made the case that both the religious types and scientific types aren’t quick to admit to their own changing views or paradigms. It is so true that change is part of life. Yet, how do I address the change in the scientific theories of today that are contrary to the past? Just as it is difficult for the theologian to admit that his or her doctrinal views have changed over a lifetime.

I know in the past I would have made the sarcastic point that to be an atheist requires having infinite knowledge and the ability to be omnipresent so you can objectively say that I have searched the universe or the mysteries of knowledge and know absolutely that God is a figment of my imagination. Just as it would be the same for the atheist to ask me if I can absolutely prove the existence of God from an empirical perspective. We would both have to admit, rather humbly I hope, that no one has absolute knowledge about anything. I know that during my Jesus freak days we sang a song that said, “the more I know, the more I know I know nothing”. The point, which Solomon echoes, is that man isn’t God, the eternal mind or eternal matter but a being that has a definite beginning and a definite end. The question is why do I live as if I know everything instead of just being honest and saying I’m searching or I look to the one I believe has the answers to my life quest?