Me and My Shadow

I was privileged to have a friend from the past appear and shadow what I do with New City – Barrio Nuevo for a week. I had reconnected with Tim and Kristy Holliday a few years ago at a Mercy Conference in Tennessee. I knew that they had been going down to the border in the summer for a few years to serve. I also knew that they were seriously considering making a major transition in life and become missionaries with BEAMM on the border in Texas.

I encouraged another friend, Tim’s new boss/leader to let him come out and spend a week with me. I knew that I had a painting blitz and a busy week in November so I invited Tim to come and stay with us for this week. I am not really sure what he expected but it turned out to be a fairly normal week for the Bennett’s. We purposely included him in everything that happened that week including a birthday party for my dad and our usual Tuesday mentoring group and dinner, tutoring on Wednesday, visiting a men’s Bible Study Lunch that I started like 14 years ago and many other spontaneous teen events.

What struck me was how great it was this last week to have a partner, who understood what I was doing and shared similar passions for doing mercy work. We had much time during the week with driving all over the place to talk about the dynamic of doing work and living in a multi-cultural context. We had many discussions about the tension of believers who are more theologically driven then mercy driven. The whole issue of race and how most churches are somewhat segregated is a fact of life but influences doing work on the border.

I know with the many things we did that it struck him how many people I know and how they are all involved in a variety of ways. It was obviously cool to see 70 people show up for a painting blitz and actually paint two houses in about 2.5 hours. I have to admit that these were the best groups that have painted. They finished both houses and they looked incredible. The families were surprised and overwhelmed by this show of love in a tangible fashion. I also know that having a couple of Jr. High groups come out and help prep also showed my ‘shadow’ the real importance of building partnerships across the board, even with Jr. High Schools.

I was able to take him for some great tacos a couple of times at the Ranch Market with the Jr. High groups. We were also able to go out and get some of the best burgers in Phoenix at Delux Burgers. Ah I also have to admit that Tim is a coffee addict so we enjoyed going to Starbucks each morning and then talking about the day’s activities. I was even able to engage his geek side as we played with some of our used mac laptops for our tutoring program. He was even able to attend a community event sponsored by one of the local charter schools where a few of our teens attend. This was a rather loud event with many of our teens participating in dance, choir and other events on stage.

I also had him attend Pastor Pablo’s church, which was a big hit with the church. He was able to engage the small church with his Spanish speaking ability. I was also able to make him feel at home in our evening service as he read the Scripture in Spanish along with our college interns. It was a busy week so I know that he was looking forward to being home tonight with his awesome family. I continue to see the blessing and advantage of partnering with those that are like-minded to learn more about how to impact marginalized neighborhoods with God’s amazing grace and mercy.

I have to admit that having Tim be my shadow for a week was rather cool. He did an awesome job of helping with painting, tutoring and just hanging out with teens, adults and meeting some of my grandmas and grandpas in my neighborhood.

Thanks Tim!!

Shine It On?

Last night I had to break up a dispute, between two of my guys who have lived with me on and off over the last three years. Both have grown up in the hood in totally different circumstances. Grandma raised one, which is great because he was around the church his whole life. He lived in a very small apartment and saw his mom on occasion. The drug and violence thing didn’t really impact his life much. He in fact would be viewed as an Oreo by most of his friends. (A Black guy that talks and acts like he is white.) My other ‘son’ grew up with just his mom and sister. Life has always been tough because of always moving, seldom having stability because of the mom’s inability to keep a job.

So I walk upstairs to my house and hear these guys in a heated argument. What had happened was that the older ‘son’ had gotten a bike for Christmas last year that my other ‘son’ ended up using the most. It is true that the older ‘son’ had beaten up the bike to such an extent that it wasn’t in the best working condition. So I know that my other ‘son’ had the attitude that the bike was really a throw away.

Now enters the real issue; the bike had been left in the garage of the younger ‘son’s’ house. The challenge is that his family was evicted out of the house and the bike was left in the garage. The attitude of the younger ‘son’ was that’s life. Don’t bug my mom who is stressing out with a new job and life. My other ‘son’ rightfully gets ticked because of the lack of responsibility and accountability on the part of the younger ‘son’.

I enter not to beat up either of them up but to get them to chill and recognize that one this is a dead issue; i.e. the owner of the house could care less about the bike and the mom isn’t gone to lift a finger to do anything. I know that this wasn’t what the one wanted to hear and knew that this just confirmed his impression on the mom that she is a selfish dead beat that takes advantage of even college students for money.

My real hope was that the younger ‘son’ wouldn’t show such a ‘I don’t give a s_____!’ attitude. Yet, he has been raised to show little regard for other’s property and bigger issue, which is what gets me, that those that have means can always replace whatever gets broken or lost. So I kill the argument and we all move on with getting to bed.

As I am driving my older ‘son’ back to his mom’s house I was ready to remind him of an expensive camera that he borrowed when I first met him. Typically this ‘son’ doesn’t go out of his way to scam anyone. The unfortunate happening was that he let a friend use the camera, which was a no no and she ends up dropping it. I am glad that I didn’t hold my breathe for him to replace it or actively save for it. I know that he would be hurt if I beat him up for this but I should have. He shined on the camera situation no different than the bike situation. I know in the back of his mind that I was the rich white guy that had the means to get another camera.

The real question is how does one gain a respect for someone else’s property? This is a real tough one to handle. It seems that one’s youth experience too often defines your value of ‘things’. As I have observed first hand that too many that grow up in a marginalized setting tend to have a lower view of property than those who have had to work for their possessions. My hope is to see a learning curve in the life of both of these guys where they can take responsibility even for someone else’s mess up. I know that if I were to lose or break either of these guy’s special stuff, i.e. cell phone, laptop or favorite hat or shirt I would be in the doghouse.

I know that in the larger context God must get miffed at how most of us misuse the gifts that we have received. I know that we now live in a disposable world where almost anything can be replaced without a whole lot of effort with some expense. I know that if their mom’s had a higher view of personal property, that they would be different and more capable of respecting other’s property. It is too easy to make an excuse to cast the blame on someone else.

Yeah, I would love to get my great little camera back that I had gotten for my wife who is techno challenged. I gave up but should have held my one son to the burner and forced him to work it off. Much like the other son needs to follow through and get another bike to show that he is real.

Partnerships

I love how Solomon portrays his life experience through the book of Ecclesiastes. He has experienced the height of success in having become the wealthiest person on the face of the earth and also one who has gotten everything he ever wanted. He discovers that having 1,000 wives or mistresses isn’t the best way to live, but his lifestyle would be applauded by most in today’s society!

I love how Solomon paints a picture of how bringing a couple or a group creates a strong bond, rope that is comprised of many strands, that is more capable of doing work. He most likely is referring to the strength that exists between a husband and a wife when it comes to facing life circumstances. The challenge for many today is that we live in a very individualistic society where it becomes more and more difficult to have real friends, people that will be there when you crash and burn and a real sense of having a home or safe haven.

What is exciting me about the work that we are doing in our South Phoenix neighborhood are the real partnerships that God is bringing through many different avenues. I am thrilled to have the City’s help in what we do. Last month the City provided a clean up trailer that had all of the tools and equipment for doing serious neighborhood cleanup. I am spoiled to have a couple of contractors that have provided most of our paint. This has enabled us to paint 50 houses in the last four years and brought over 1200 volunteers to help make a difference. As I build more friendships they become partnerships, which impact lives on both sides of our families and volunteers.

The reality is that there are only a few who share similar passions in my neighborhood for doing community work with a servant’s mindset. So I am so blessed to do a Community Service day with Tim and the Rio Vista Center and Linda with First Pentecostal in January. Looking back it was only a month ago that 150 Grand Canyon students helped do some great work in our neighborhood. Last night we had 40 students with over 15 adult tutors at the South Mountain Community Center.

I had breakfast with a good friend who I don’t see very often. It struck me as we talked, listened and shared our stories how incredibly blessed I am to have so many friends who are involved in neighborhood transformation! We are helping one of our painting grandmas, who has serious health issues and just had a granddaughter take advantage of her. It will take a month and many hours of working with a banker to get her finances back on track because of the selfishness of a relative.

I think of the friendships we have with our kids and teens. I know that not everyone is capable of hanging around teens regardless of their background. I am overwhelmed as one of our little ones comes running to me and gives me a hug or jumps into my arms. I also have a better understanding of the impact of sin in a person’s life. Too many of our families have suffered real tragedy. I think of a few sisters whose mom died because of driving while totally wasted. The mom wasn’t really thinking about the impact of her choice to drive while on drugs and what it would do to her daughters who range in age from 5 to 15.

I am so thankful that God has placed us next to many so we can be family and share both in the joys of life and also the heartache.

What a Mess!

I spent a large portion of my day both time and emotions helping one of my grandmas, Molly. I am starting to accept that everyone is capable of doing crazy things that ultimately hurt the ones we love. About a month ago one of Molly’s granddaughters used her account to deposit and then cash a bogus check. The unfortunate thing is that Molly is stuck with this rather large debt. I really don’t think that Molly thought that her granddaughter would ever do anything like this.

This began a journey where I asked a few special friends who helped paint her house last April. A couple of them actually visited Molly to see her situation. She has renal failure and must go to dialysis three times a week. She looks horrible and has little energy and motivation to do much of anything. So these dear friends volunteered to help her get out of a financial mess. I was able to pay most of her bills but her account was still thousands in the ‘rears’.

I knew that I had to have access to her account in order to help her get resolve for the bogus check that had been fraudulently used against her. So we had to go to the Motor Vehicle Department to get an ID, because her license was expired and she didn’t have any info. The bank wouldn’t let her do anything without real ID. So we did this last week and then yesterday we went back to the back to get me permission to help with her account. This process or ordeal for Molly took a couple of hours. The gentleman who helped was awesome but there isn’t any quick way to do this type of transaction to protect Molly and the bank.

I am blessed to have my special friend, Art, who is 80 and a go-getter. So he helped with transporting Molly to the bank and is a great resource to help me stay focused. So now I have the ability starting today to go back and get to the bottom of what happened and get all of her financial affairs in order in a couple of weeks. I know that the real test, which my wife continues to remind me that I could be scammed.

The real question I have to get answered is what really happened? Did Molly allow her granddaughter to do something that was crazy, like help friend cash a check that was in turn declared lost and was able to get twice the amount after a new check was issued. Ether way Molly is the one who is left with a debt for the amount of the check and her granddaughter and friend walked away with a lot of money. I know that it is difficult to believe that someone who you have watched grow up could take advantage of an older person. The answer is that in today’s world this happens all of the time.

Yesterday, in a men’s lunch Bible study we were studying a portion of the prophet Isaiah and the reality is that we live in a corrupt society where the moral fiber and gone out the window. The issues that High Schools struggled with in the 50’s were minor, i.e. respect, not chewing gum, coming to school on time vs. today where it can be coming to school with a weapon, violence, rape and real theft. I am so thankful to be part of a movement of God’s people that are stepping up to do something about social injustice. I love the voice of Micah who declares that God’s heart for man is that we have not just an understanding of mercy, grace and justice but that we actually live it out with a humble heart and mind.

Change?

I know that as a kid growing up I come to the conclusion that I thought most people were like me and moved every couple of years because my dad was in the Air Force. As I look back at my life I had an incredible mom who was capable of making me fit into any circumstances in a rather transitional setting. So I will always remember after getting married and living close to both sets of grandparents that our first move away from everyone was traumatic.

So I know that we have been blessed to have all of our adult kids live in our area. Except for our oldest going away for a year to college and our other daughter leaving for training a couple of times that we are so use to family gatherings with everyone in town.

I know that I have been raised from birth to be prepared for change and moving. So moving from one house to another is lots of work but nothing traumatic. Yet, I know living in the same general area for the last 15 years has brought stability to Anne and me and our family. So the prospect of having one of our kids have to leave the area because of work is a little scary and sad. I know that with our kids growing up and getting married that at some juncture one of them or their spouses will get a job that requires a move.

So now that it is happening, I know that both Anne and I will be sad happy. Especially understanding that the holidays won’t be the same anymore. We both could relate how we grew as a couple when we didn’t live in the midst of the relatives. Don’t get me wrong we love both sides of our families but having the ability to choose what we are doing without having to check with 10 different people is great. Also being able to focus our attention on everyone we are visiting on vacation or for the holidays is also special.

I could get really mushy and sad about how difficult it is for dads to show their love for their kids until they move away. So I hope as our newly wed couple see their roots being moved to a new home and city that we can love on them, help them and be there at a distance. I guess it also gives us an excuse to be able to visit some different places and add variety to our lives.

I will always remember the day we had packed up our belongings in a U-Haul and moved away from everyone in San Diego that it was sad but exciting. We were moving back to the Bay Area and being involved with a new church start up. We were only a kid family so little did we know what would happen, as we were part of planting a few churches and also increasing our family through adopting. My mom’s legacy which I hope we can pass on to our kids as they relocate is that life is an adventure and as long as you are able to knock on the neighbor’s door you can make new friends and be able to borrow the proverbial cup of sugar or whatever. So, yes, I will shed a few tears over the next few months. I know that life at times throws us curves but God is always there helping, pushing and prodding us to grow and be more able to experience His Grace and Mercy.