Shocking News!

I typically read the news via my iPad before going to bed. Yesterday we had taken our dogs for a trip to Payson to go hiking in the Pines. It was an amazing day and chance to get away from all of the normal routine of life. After returning I checked the news and discovered that my dad’s neurologist had been killed. He was only 38 and a leader in the field of Alzheimer’s research. He was part of the Barrow’s Institute in Phoenix. I was left numb after seeing this online article about a doctor being hit by a car while riding his bike. After looking at the article I saw his picture.

I can’t imagine the shock and heartache his wife is experiencing right now. I will always remember this doctor for his willingness to sit down with me and go over my dad’s MRI. My dad had been in a senior care facility for a couple of years and had a doctor oversee his care but had never been officially diagnosed with any type of memory loss issues. I wasn’t thrilled that he had a mild stroke but it meant that he was at St. Joseph’s Hospital, which also ‘houses’ the Barrow’s Neurological Institute. He was given a CAT Scan and also a MRI.

It was during a follow up visit that I met Dr. Malouf in a real way. He visited my dad a few times during his stay at St. Joe’s. As I walked into his office and had a MA do a normal memory loss test I could see that my dad wasn’t capable of reading, following simple directions or distinguishing between days of the week or the time. I was a little taken back by the severity of the disease.

I didn’t know what to expect when the neurologist finally came into the office. He sat down and talked to my dad and not me initially. He focused on my dad and gave him real eye contact and tried to get him to respond to life questions. After this he took me into his office where he brought up my dad’s MRI of his brain. I was so appreciative of the time the doctor took to walk me through the result of the MRI. I saw different slides of my dad’s brain and understood where there had been oxygen deprivation and other serious issues.

We talked for about 30 more minutes about what to expect, treatment and the best type of facility for his ongoing care. I didn’t like the results but needed to see first hand what the impact of memory loss disease had on my dad. I understood now that the disease had progressed way more than I had expected. I also understood what was the best way to help my dad. He needed more exercise and getting out along with real stimulation. The last thing he needed was lying on his bed strictly watching T.V.

I am no expert on memory loss but have come to understand the journey of those with loved ones who have Dementia or Altzhimier’s Disease. It takes lots of patience and understanding to help your loved one have the best life in spite of the circumstances. My dad presently is doing the best he has done in the last year or so. Part of this is being in a better care facility that totally caters to memory loss individuals.

I am still grieving the loss of Dr. Malouf. He was a senior fellow that had many students underneath him in addition to being a research fellow. I am sadden that someone driving didn’t pay attention to the road or his bike and hit him and then left the scene of the accident. It is unfortunate that I can’t personally express to his wife my appreciation for her husband’s heart in helping my dad who is still alive with Dementia at almost 83 years of age. Thanks Dr. Malouf for your passion is helping those with Alzheimer’s disease!

Time

I know that younger people have the common perception that the old can’t have any fun. I assumed when I was a teen or twenty something that life must end when you turn 40 and especially when you turn 50. Yet, what I’m discovering in life is that age doesn’t in and of itself determine the quality of your life? I can experience just as much adventure and blessing of friendship even more so as I get older.

It is difficult at times to admit that I will be 60 in a year. Yeah, that’s supposed to be when people crawl into a cave and disappear. Yet, most of the examples I have of people around me is the total opposite. I know that my father in-law is still the energizer bunny at 85. He’s has been more significant in kingdom work in the last 25 years than when he was a 28 year old on his way to Pakistan. I have a handful of 90 year old grandmas from different churches I’ve pastored that still write me long letters with perfect penmanship that show their God centered hearts.

I know that for me the joy of my life, next to the Lord, truly is my Anne. She has been and will continue to be my best friend and partner in adventure. We have done some rather crazy things in life together. I celebrated my birthday a month ago and decided that we would get mountain bikes so we could start riding together. It has actually been so much fun and great exercise over the last few weeks to ride in the morning after our pre-dawn dog walks. I know that one of the key ingredients that can’t be compromised if you are going to grow a relationship is spending time together.

We went on a day trip this last Monday. We decided to take the herd, that is Graham, Freckles, Carly and Peanut on a ride to an area outside of Sedona so they can experience some wetness, lots of trees and some open areas. I assumed, incorrectly, that the park would be empty and we could easily go for our walk with the dogs off the leash. Unfortunately, Columbus Day turned out to be a real holiday for many. So we ended going through Sedona to Flagstaff and went to an area we typically play in the snow and let the dogs enjoy the Pine Trees and the open fields.

Yeah, when we were in our 30’s – 40’s we would take groups to hike up Half Dome in Yosemite. This is a rather strenuous hike that goes close to 20 miles round trip and climbs over 4,000 feet. We have taken probably 20 groups up this amazing trail over the years. Yes, we will make the trek in the coming year to celebrate turning 60 next year! I’m excited to see how much of the trail I still remember between Vernal Falls, Nevada Falls and Little Yosemite Valley.

It was yesterday’s conversation with a 20 something guy that was going on a date with the hopes that God would bring him his bride that ‘spawned’ the conversation about what is required to make relationship work and it wasn’t necessarily lust or sex. (These do happen don’t get me wrong but being together in a hand holding and looking at each other mode is so important.)

Yes, I love my bride who I met when I was 19 and she was 18. I did understand her dad’s concern when we wed at 19 and 20 that we were too young, broke and uneducated. Yet, the blessing is that we have grown up together and experienced an incredible life that is a reflection of God’s personality and gift of creativity! So don’t assume that the person with gray hair is a total has been!

The Real Heroes

I just finished meeting with a close friend and partner with New City – Barrio Nuevo. We enjoyed a time of brainstorming and thinking through how to reach our teens both with a good dose of common sense, hard work and the Gospel. I’m so fortunate to have awesome friends who are great to have as real partners with our South Phoenix youth and families. As we were sitting outside in this cool coffee shop a couple of other friends joined us.

I initially share with one of the guys what I do and how I’m blessed to be able to pursue my real passion in life and have it as a career. (I tell our teens that it is so key to discover your real passion in life and attempt to see God make it into a lifetime career.) As we transition into the inside of Lux I get an opportunity to hear from another new friend about his life story. We end up talking about dating, marriage, sex and the real focus behind having relationships that last. It was fun attempting to explain that marriage is so much more than sex and chemistry but a relationship that is at the center that continues to grow and produce fruit.

Our conversation then flows into talking about creating sustainable businesses that will ultimately help our youth get jobs and provide for their families. It just turns out that one of the guys is a talented auto repair guy who is also into car restoration. We end up talking about the logistics of birthing a small business in South Phoenix that would provide quality car repair and also be able to train a few of our teens who have shown an interest in this type of vocation. I cast a vision of my new friend partnering with a few other of my yuppy friends who love to do car restoration. I mention that I have a couple of friends who are presently running small businesses as car mechanics. It would be interesting to approach them and see if they would be open to partnering together with some help from a few businessmen. Our goal would be to train a few teens that could be able to do car repair in 6 months to a year with training.

I get the contact info from these guys and will connect with a few other friends who have shown an interest in helping create sustainable small businesses. My real point in this blog is to share about another friend, George, who is retired. He, like my younger good friend, is pouring his life into New City – Barrio Nuevo. I understand that everyone is busy and has too much on their plates. So when I ask a volunteer to come early on a Saturday to help or come during a weekday that it could be a hardship.

My friend, George, has become a key player in our painting projects. He is such an amazing worker who dives into any job we are doing and gives a 1,000 %. We recently did a downtown Coffee Shop and Church. This was a larger building that required a few of us to meet a few times before painting to do repair around the building, trim bushes and power wash everything. George was one of my friends that came and worked a ½ a day doing the power washing.

LOUD!

I married into a quiet family that considers talking barely above a whisper as almost screaming. My older daughter would burst into tears if you spoke just a little above a normal voice. So I have been around people that are generally not screamers or too loud unless there was an emergency that warranted quick attention. Over the last 5 years we have lived between the Hispanic and African American Communities that can at times be really loud.

My wife accuses me at times of being partially deaf because of my rock band days in the 60’s when we played really loud music. Anne is funny to watch if we are at a concert or loud movie. She will quickly take out a Kleenex and tear off a few pieces to stuff into her ears. I actually enjoy listening to loud music within reason. What I find hard is when people are in the habit of screaming in their normal conversation.

We have had different people live with us over the last 5 years. It is always been interesting to see how they respond to our way of communicating. We at times can express ourselves in a loud fashion. Yet, what I am seeing is that unresolved anger is a huge factor when it comes to the decibel level of many. I truly feel for the youth that are being raised by single parents who are at the breaking point.

I have been blessed all of my life to have the means to do more than just exist. So it is difficult for me to fathom what it would be like to live day-to-day without a place to live, no money for food or extras. I have also been around a sizeable group of people who have done very well in business and can pretty much do anything they want. So it is difficult to help the haves understand the have not’s. Much as the have not’s seem to truly believe that the green stuff will solve all of their ills.

This last week I almost lost it in a local store while waiting for a prescription to be finished for a teen. I am not totally blind or brain dead so I didn’t totally realize how stressed out this mom happened to be. As we are waiting for the med I asked a simple question about what happened at the doctors and what was the diagnosis. The response was one that totally took me off guard. I was tongue lashed for asking the teen and not the mom. I was infringing on parental authority by asking this older teen.

I ended walking out of the store and sat in my car. I was upset and didn’t want to say something that I would regret later. Unfortunately the evening went down hill and the proverbial argument happened where I put my foot down and said this is enough. I pulled over in my truck and asked the mom to leave if she couldn’t communicate in a civilized fashion. I left feeling horrible but couldn’t tolerate the uncalled for behavior. I pull into my driveway and called back the teen and the mom. I pull back out of the driveway and pick them up. Apologies happen on both sides and we go back to the house to pray.

I still don’t know why people have to scream? It means that the teens I love and want to see figure out life are now no different then their moms or extended families. I get texts all of the time from this one teen that says he is ready to kill someone if he doesn’t get out of his house. I will always tell him to walk out and get some air. I think that I will design or find a sticker that has drama and a line through it. I do tire of the needless drama that is caused from kids, teens and adults because of not knowing how to handle your emotions. I know my mom would always say don’t make mountains out of molehills. Yet, I have to admit that I’m prone to be a control freak, which wants everything a certain way.

So I guess my wife is right in having earplugs handy at times to protect her from the loudness of life. I do want to have my hearing in my 80’s. Anger is part of life’s ups and downs. I realize that the Bible’s admonition to deal with it before going to bed is excellent advice. It is that unchecked anger that will come back to bite us. I know that Jesus at times would seemingly lose his temper. What I see as I go back and study Jesus’ actions is that he used his emotions to express a truth. My prayer is to learn how to use my emotion in a constructive not destructive fashion. 

Dave's Head Lost to a Steel Beam :(

As a kid growing up my mom was quick to teach me that there was always good in a person if you look far enough. She was also one to tout the glass is half full not half empty mindset. I was also taught to count my blessings each day and not allow the sun to set before remembering the great news for the day and not allow the ‘bad stuff’ to be stuck in my mind.

I am fortunate to be part of different types of events on a consistent basis. This last Saturday we painted a close friend’s dream come true, a downtown building that is being used for church and a coffee shop. This was our largest project for a single site. I had 4 different groups helping paint between three different sprayers and a youth group from a local church in South Phoenix. As we were setting up my other son, Terrance, was helping me pull a part a couple of buckets that saw the handle break and me go crashing to the ground and then colliding with a steel beam.

My head lost out to this steel beam. It was almost comical as I felt myself fall to the ground and then feel my head go wonk into the beam. I couldn’t tell at first whether or not I had a head wound. I quickly touched my head and knew there was blood. My key leader, Matt, was on me in seconds. He took me inside the coffee shop and gave me first aid. He cleaned up the blood from my hair and neck and then had me bandaged and I was back in the action. He told me to cool it and not do too much.

As we were winding down and finishing I decided to take a load of our ladders and equipment back to our storage unit. This was rather fast using both the truck and the big van. As we are going back I get a call from a couple of key leaders who are now done and leaving. As I get back I see my two other sprayer guys still working. I realize that my main guy, Bruce, is having some problems with his sprayer. This meant that we didn’t finish painting a portion of one of the sides. It would have been so easy with the sprayer to have finished except for the front with the red beams.

Yeah, this was a very successful painting day with 30 youth painting the parking structure and concrete parking stops red and 80% of the 8^th Day Building was finished but……. So as I share about the next day’s BBQ it too was a very successful time with many adults and youth enjoying a time hanging out and enjoying some incredible carne asada. One of the struggles of working with at risk youth and marginalized neighborhoods is that people do crazy stuff. (I confess that bad stuff happens in all neighborhoods regardless of location.)

As we are finishing the BBQ and deciding who takes whom home I realize something rather important is missing. I’m always at a loss when it comes to handling someone with ‘sticky fingers’. I have been around a large variety of items that have been lifted by different individuals that range from little kids to adults. I have seen a ring of older teens that use younger kids to steal stuff, which they sell to someone else. I actually had an 8-year-old steal something a couple of years ago out of our house but eventually caught up with him. He confessed to his crime, repented but then proceeded to do something rather bizarre, he faked being hit by a car, we called 911 and he was taken to the ER. He ultimately was found out and got into big trouble.

Yes, I have seen fights over stray dogs, phones, iPods and $$. So I know that anything I have could be lusted after by someone and be gone. So as this evening finished I was a little upset to think that a few of the new kids who had visited might have purposely taken something that others could have used. I calmed down after the fact and realized that God is more than able to get the attention of the few who do crazy things. I know from experience that the ‘pat down’ routine doesn’t usually surface any stolen items. I also know that a threat of torture or being grounded doesn’t help either.

I am thankful that God is teaching me that He is the one who ultimately provides so I shouldn’t become too attached to possessions or take things personally. Yet, I do get upset and as I have said in the last few blogs actually get mad. I pray that God convicts the hearts of a few who at times ruin it for the majority. I can remember in school being really upset when a few in the classroom destroyed a trip or future event. I’m thankful that no one can ruin or touch the ultimate event – our home in heaven!