My Anne is Awesome!

I know that most 50 somethings that are unemployed assume that getting a new job will be much more difficult because of their age. We live in a world that worships the youthful and believes that the old should be put out to pasture. It is becoming more common for companies to seek early retirement of those with nice salaries that are older to save their business big bucks. The challenge for many today is that finding a new job when you haven’t worked in a long time is very slow and not easy.

I know that I have been fortunate to have jobs whether that is with doing church or construction work my entire life. I have never really been unemployed because of God putting people in my life who have always stepped up to give opportunities. Yet, I know that without God’s generous funding of New City I would be looking for a job that would pay the bills. So I know that when my Anne had gotten down sized or outsourced a year or so ago that it wasn’t going to be easy to find another job. Yet, she found a temp job that provided for 8 months but it too came to an end.

So the next phase in Anne’s journey in pursing not really a job but her calling and vocational choice for her ‘old age’ has turned out to be clinical spiritual care in the context of an ER or Trauma Unit at Good Sam Hospital. We typically laugh at the question of how old we are because now it usually turns out that we are the older ones. Anne has been part of a clinical spiritual care unit over the last 4 months. She has learned more about herself, her calling and her giftedness which has put her in a position to have ‘Godly’ confidence in being a shepherd and counselor.

I know it is easy for me to act very confident about what I do and not be more understanding of what it is like to go through training and then have to interview for a residency position for further training. My Anne comes across very confident and capable but much like me, she too has fears of thinking that maybe I’m too old or there is someone else more suitable to get the opportunity. So Anne was interviewed last week for a residency position at Good Sam. I know that she was fearful of being interviewed by one of the trainers who is very different from her. She was told that a decision would come in two weeks.

Anne ended up being on call, this means she worked 12 hours, on Saturday and when I went to get the mail there was an envelope addressed to her. It was very official looking from the spiritual care department from Good Sam. I was sorely tempted to open it up but chose to refrain from invading her privacy. I too was so fearful that it had come too early and probably meant that she didn’t get the position. Anne got home rather late that day and then ended up staying up late to get Jodi and Jon from their honeymoon trip at the airport around 1am.

The following morning we had to go early and preach and do presentation at a Chinese Church. I noticed that she had opened the envelope but hadn’t said anything. Do I ask the obvious or just wait and look at the letter when she is gone? As I am getting out of the shower I ask her the obvious question. I was hoping that she would have told me already if she had gotten the residency. She quietly says that she has gotten the position. I’m thrilled, excited and ecstatic for her! I quickly texted the good news to our kids and then sent an e-mail to our larger family.

I fix Anne a feast for a reward after doing another on call shift at Good Sam that saw her leave at 7am and return home around 9:30pm. I listen to her overview of her day and the interaction with the others involved in the spiritual care program. It was obvious that no one else had gotten notice about whether they had been invited to participate in the residency program. My Anne was pleasantly surprised that she had been invited even before all of the others had been interviewed.

I’m so proud and excited for my Anne. I know that this chapter of her life will be both challenging and an opportunity for both of us to grow together. Yes, there is hope for a 50 something to get a job and opportunity in today’s job sector. So don’t assume that because you are young you are more qualified than an old person for that job and don’t be intimidated by youth if you are a seasoned veteran of the workforce trying something totally different!

God connects the dots!

I know that one of the key ingredients in seeing a neighborhood turn around is to have those from within the community be the ones to step up and be influencers. I also know that having indigenous leaders is key to any community development work to flourish. The challenge or opportunity is that it takes time for both young and old to take the challenge and step up to make a difference in their own lives and those around them. I don’t want to be the ‘white guy’ who is perceived as having a blank check that can fix everything.

Last night, we did our, twice a month, life skill group at my Starbucks in South Phoenix. I have intentionally chosen to meet in locations where I know both workers and managers who are able to be part of our neighborhood transformation work. It has been exciting to see Joseph, the manager, get involved in our work and provide jobs for youth that live in our neighborhood and then have his baristas become part of our ongoing work in South Phoenix. It was exciting to have a group of 20 meet at my Starbucks and listen to a mom, a homeless teen and another struggling teen who are discovering the steps to a better life that are part of our community.

I had asked Kenoye, a mom with teens, to share her journey of how we had met at the Staples across from the Starbucks. Most of the teens know about her son Dwight who was killed close to a McDonalds in our neighborhood. Mom shared her journey from someone running from God to now a follower of Christ who sees the need to spread the Word about new life and seeing the old life or ways let go.

The exciting news was to listen to Dylan, a homeless teen, who had made his way out here from Texas. We had met during our homeless Christmas Eve BBQ in the neighborhood close to CASS. He had connected with us and been helped by New City and a few of our friends. The reality was that it took Dylan 2 months to get honest with himself, God and us to be serious about doing life right. It was a breath of fresh air to hear him first hand talk about seeking God and getting a new JOB!

The sad news for the night was listening to Teddy our Ethiopian teen that was leaving to live with his dad. I had met Teddy at my Starbucks two months ago and was asked by some of the baristas to help him. Anne and I took him in and discovered a neat freak teen that was running from his family and God. I won’t go into the details but we are praying that his time with his dad will help him reconnect with his own life and make a commitment to follow God whether he stays in LA or comes back to Phoenix.

As I have been talking to a couple of new friends as I have been writing this blog it struck me that God is connecting the dots to seeing my community become more healthy. I have so many friends that truly care and seem to step up at the right time to help by getting involved. I’m thrilled to have someone like Kenoye be able to share first hand her story. It was just as eye opening to hear from Dylan and Teddy about how our little community at New City had made a huge difference in their lives. I was so blessed to have one of my key leaders, Victor, volunteer to take Dylan back to the YMCA for night.

I have to be honest I don’t do crossword puzzles or other crazy word games. So I’m glad that there is someone else, God, who is in the business of putting the pieces of the puzzle of my life together. 

Painting Houses & Neighborhood Transformation

I can remember painting house number 5 or Al Sanchez’s casa almost 4 plus years ago. (We have painted 65 houses in the last 5 years plus.) I can remember recently one of my key leaders still asking a question about why are we doing all of this ‘stuff’ like tutoring, mentor group, life skill group, painting houses and working with the homeless. As I remember the life and impact that Mr. Sanchez had on me personally it is exciting to share the story of the 5 sisters or really the one – Sandra.

We had a great turnout for painting Mr. Sanchez’s casa. We must have had close to 40 helping probably from 5 different churches. I had met with one of his daughters who initially persuaded me that her dad did need his house painted. I can remember listening to Al talk about his life, the passing of his wife and his five daughters and son. He had pictures all over the walls in his small living room and kitchen area. Little did I know that over the next 3 years I would become close friends with my special friend – Al.

I love doing neighborhood work because I can drive for 10-15 minutes maximum and be in and about my New City family. So it wasn’t too long before I got into the habitat of visiting Mr. Sanchez. I would bring him a donut or he would make me a breakfast burro. We had given him an English/Spanish Bible, which it appeared that he was slowly making his way through it cover to cover. Each time I would visit I saw his newest cartoon he had copied from the daily newspaper and the bookmark would be moved.

It was over the next couple of years that I would become close friends with his youngest daughter, Sandra, who was the wild child or ‘black sheep’ of the family. She had a heart for her dad and decided that she would become his caregiver. Al had some special needs because of his diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems and respiratory issues. So Sandra became my new friend who I would often see and joke with about her dad’s life. Little did I understand that I would be the one over the next year plus that he would call when he was in the ER.

I was fortunate to be in the middle of the sisters as they asked for prayerful advice about their dad as he experienced some life threatening issues. I could see that they were divided amongst themselves as to what would be best for dad. I knew that Al wouldn’t be around for much longer. The great news was that I had become Al’s real friend and he would whisper in my ear about what he truly wanted. I knew that there would come a day when he couldn’t stay in his home and needed to have special care. I was truly shocked when he ended up in the same facility as my dad but only on the nursing floor.

Sandra became her dad’s shadow as she did everything for him between his trips to the doctors but also to the casino to play bingo. Yes, Al loved to play bingo. He had been a cook or culinary expert in the army and had continued his passion through out his life. So I did love his special dishes and especially his salsa! I knew that Sandra would be the one that would ultimately live in the house we had painted after her dad’s passing.

Mr. Sanchez eventually ends up in a Hospice of the Valley Home in downtown Phoenix. This is one of the nicer hospices, which truly was a blessing for him and his larger family. I can remember the initial fight over whether he could stay at home and receive the same level of care. I knew with my mom that doing hospice was the best path for everyone. I knew that Al wouldn’t last more than a couple of weeks. I was both tear filled and excited that Al could ultimately go home to heaven and no longer experience all of the suffering and pain of the last couple of years. I also knew that the sisters would end up in a real battle.

Al did die while were we on vacation in San Diego. I was sad not to be able to be there at his funeral. Yet, I knew that coming back I would connect with at least a few of the sisters. I won’t go into the squabbles between the sister, which I know upset their dad but instead talk about the little kid of the family – Sandra.

It has been over the last month that I have felt led by the Lord to poke Sandra and ask her to really get involved with New City. I’m not sure if she really understood the family aspect of what we do with all of our kids both little guys and older teens. She has become a very faithful volunteer who now has a passion to help these kids not end up like her. She has shared her story often about the struggle with drugs and poor choices. She has also powerfully talked about learning first hand about the power of forgiveness with the sister who took her dad’s truck without permission and sold it.

I was so jazzed to listen to her at one of our mentor group dinner sessions talk about how hard it was to forgive her sister. Yet, as she unfolded the power that happened for her to let go that it shocked the teens to hear her say that her sister didn’t have any desire to acknowledge her part in the mess. I knew first hand this sister’s devious way of using her religion as an excuse to take the truck and attempt to get the house because it was what God would want. I too was very upset with this older sibling.

It has taken time for Sandra to experience real healing after her dad’s death before she has been ready to help her own neighborhood see change and God’s grace be at the forefront. I’m so proud of Sandra who could have chosen to let bitterness rule her life and the desire to get even but instead she has let go with God’s help and is a beautiful person that loves others as she has been loved by God!

The Morning After?

I have to confess that as a teen or college student I didn’t have hangovers or episodes of having to recover very often. I did have a few dorm friends as a freshman that had issues with finding their rooms or getting their key out to unlock their rooms but I had become a Christian the spring before college and had realized that getting high or totally wasted wasn’t worth it. So as we wake up after the wedding and the late night bash of my Jon and his Jodi it was tough actually getting up. My Anne was rather crazy and had committed to take her sister in-law to the airport and have breakfast at 7am after getting home around 12:30 am.

Our couple had to navigate their friend’s exuberance in celebrating with being packed and ready to leave for their honeymoon trip to Cabo around 4am. The real dilemma was whether they stayed up all night, stay at the resort hotel, come home and then be transported to Sky Harbor or just go to the airport.  Jon had texted about a ride to the airport but never got back to me so I’m assuming that they made it and now are walking barefoot on the beach.

I know that after having two of my adult kids get married in the last year or so it is easy to become a snobby wedding critic. Yet, what stands out isn’t just the amazing sunset on a golf course resort, which was incredible, but the energy of the friends of my kids. It was so much fun watching about 20 of my son’s sports buds and college friends truly let it all out in honoring and loving their special friends.

It would be easy to complain or brag about the food, drinks or service but the blessing of yesterday was watching my son and our special friend Freddie relate to each other during the last 3 days. I am so thankful that our Freddie who had lived with us in the early 90’s had a truly significant impact on our Jon’s life. It’s almost funny to think that our Jon’s best man was in his 40’s with 2 kids.

It was such a treat to have Grandma Mary, Jon’s grandma, and her nephew and his wife be her escort to the wedding. I was thrilled to be able to have them see both Julie and Jon’s houses before returning to their LA homes. We were so fortunate to have almost all of our family present for the big day. The weather was picture perfect in the 70’s around 8pm. The DJ did an excellent job of selecting music that represented the broad spectrum of who was present.

I know that watching my Anne dance with her son at first could be almost a tear filled moment next to watching both of Jodi’s parents, who are divorced, dance as a threesome. It was incredible to know that Jodi’s best friend from college chose to come from Germany to be part of her special day with her German finance. As we slowly woke this morning I knew that my Jon had done more than just survive the last few days but actually showed his maturity and manliness as he was tossed between different friends, family and out of town guests.

I had an older friend make the comment that we were now officially empty nesters. The joyous exuberance from last night will last for a lifetime and I look forward to seeing my grandkids get married not having any sense what will be the in venue in 20 plus years. 

Getting It!

I think one of the difficult aspects of doing community transformation work is being able to evaluate what you are doing. I know that with some of my key volunteers and board members it is easy not to see the trees through the forest. I know that activities can seem to be the focus, i.e. tutoring, helping families in crisis, painting houses, reaching out to community partners or doing a job life skill group. The end goal is to see a life turn around, a family impacted from this and then the culture of a neighborhood transformed.

I know that as I watch the wedding of my son happen in the next day that I can honestly say that my son has gone from being a typical teen that assumed mom and dad would pay the way to an adult that is responsible, hard working and owns his situation. I know that over the last 10 years of my journey with my son I could have said at times that we are loosing the battle. Yet, today I’m a gloating dad who is sooo proud of his son and his accomplishments.

We were having a board meeting last week and we were trying to articulate what we are really about. I know that it is easy to use buzzwords and attempt to narrow everything into a sentence, yet it isn’t easy with the scope of doing neighborhood transformation work. So I had one of those moments where God took me by surprise.

We had started doing a job life skill group during the summer and have continued it through the school year. We have different adults and college students share their journey in life and how they discovered their passion and then pursued it. One of my key team leaders has gone out of his way to relate back to one of our older teens. I had paired him up with one of our Hispanic teens. We had meet a month ago and talked to our seniors in high school about the path of getting into college and also deciding what you are going to really do. My friend, Marc, had challenged his teen, Matt, to think outside the box about what he really wanted to pursue.

So as we are tossing back and forth what we are really about my friend Marc shares a story about his teen – Matt. The college prep meeting had placed both college students and adults with our teens that are graduating this year. Marc had been paired up with Matt. They had talked a bunch about Matt’s present choices and what would be the next step. I hadn’t heard this story until Marc shared it at the board meeting. He proceeds to say that he asked Matt if he wanted to talk with a friend who has his own auto mechanic business. (Matt had decided that he wanted to be similar to his dad but actually own his business and employ mechanics.) Marc told Matt to come prepared with questions and think through what he would say. The business owner and Marc were blown away by Matt’s questions about this individual’s business and life experience! All of a sudden the lights come on about what we are truly about – seeing a youth or young adult get it about what to do with their life.

Fast forward a few days and I get a text from Matt saying he has a job interview at the Mall with Reebok. So I volunteer to take him to his interview. All of a sudden I see months worth of talking about getting a job, doing an interview and then learning how to keep job make sense. Matt comes back from the interview with a smile on his face and a sense of accomplishment. I don’t know whether he will get this job or another but I do know that the time Marc has spent with him has made a significant impact on his life.

As I think back to our board meeting and our desire to accurately describe our purpose and passion it all became clear as we talked about Matt. Marc and I could remember when we first met him when he was 12 not 17. He has grown up and now has become a quiet leader in our group. He speaks now both by his actions and his suggestions to other to get it, step up and do it!