The Power of Media

I had one of my teens come over on Saturday and do some video of a few of our younger kids. Ruby is 7 and Bookie is 10. It took us a few practices runs before Thad and I had all of the video equipment working. It is amazing what can happen when you turn the microphone in the ‘on’ position instead not checking it and being surprised when there isn’t any audio. The purpose of this short video clip was for a project at Thad’s High School – Brophy. We had planned on hiking that morning but the weather had decided to stay horrible and it was cold, cloudy and sprinkling though out most of the day. It was the perfect day to listen to a few of my kids tell their stories.

I confess to the fact that I love to talk and at times say way too much. So I like to say that pictures or video sometimes can be so much more powerful than words. Yeah, a picture can be worth a thousand words. How is it possible to depict what it would be like to grow up in today’s world without a dad? As we intentionally asked both Ruby and Bookie to talk a little about their young lives the common factor for them was a missing dad. Ruby lost her dad at the age of one. He died in a car accident. She has been fortunately been raised by a mom who is plugged into her larger family so grandma, grandpa and uncle have made a huge difference. Bookie’s dad has been in prison since he was three. His dad killed someone in the midst of a gang fight.

It is difficult to describe with words the look on both of these kid’s faces when I asked them if there were one thing in their lives they could change, what would it be. It wasn’t rocket science to hear both of them quickly say; “I would love to have my dad with me”. I have known both kids since they were very young and watched them grow up over the last 5 years. I have had the privilege of being more like a grandpa that can spoil them and be with them at least once a week maybe more often.

My young friend, Thad, who has this video project due in a week, had his work cut out for him.  He took probably 15 minutes of video and had to use these pictures and interviews to talk about the issues of generational poverty from the perspective of a child. I know that seeing young Pee Pee, who is 5 walk around looking like a little kid and hearing me talk about their circumstances will touch anyone to help them rethink their view and willingness to help with the underprivileged at risk youth.

I love to use pictures; music and some voiceover to help get across simple message that one person can make a difference in the lives of someone else. I’m so jazzed that Thad chose to do this to help our little friends Bookie, Ruby and Pee Pee.  

99 Things That Piss Off the Godless

I just recently finished reading a book, ‘Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things that Piss Off the Godless’, by Greta Christina. I know that most of my Christian friends would be offended by the overall message of Greta’s book, that most religious types don’t think much about what they say, most don’t understand the bigger implications of the tensions between the science community, the religious or theological community and the over simplification of life issues that most religious make. I too agree that over the centuries of man’s existence that many atrocities have been committed in the name of God or some derivation.  

I know that most people react to anyone that comes across as if his or her answers to life’s big questions are the only answer. I know that the zeal and fanatical tendencies of many Christians can even drive their family and Christian friends to drink. I can look back at my life and am embarrassed to see how I treated my dad and even my future father in-law when it came to my newfound faith. I was just a teen who had barely touched the surface of the mysteries of the universe, hadn’t read much or studied either science or philosophy. I was more concerned about expressing my point of view in deference to theirs that I totally missed out on learning about the simple fact that even in my own religious group there are a variety of views to answer the big questions in life. I have come to better understand that we live in a society that is eclectic and pluralistic.

Yes, I reacted to Greta’s shortsighted summary that most Christians don’t think or have any heart for scientific study or philosophical inquiry. Yet, the majority of her book really showed the lack of concern that most religious types have for those around them that differ from them and clearly don’t like because of their views. I know that the whole topic of whether there is truth or whether there is a unifying equation that will perfectly explain reality is a heated debate.

It’s not that I delight in pissing people off but I do love to have a healthy dialogue about whether anyone really knows the truth, is there such a thing as truth and if God does exist how is it possible to know that my version of God is correct. I know that having lived around San Francisco a good portion of my life I have been exposed to views that are extremely contrary to my Christian World View. I am learning to be open to listen, think more and be slower to peg someone as being a ‘wacko liberal’ type. Just as I have, some friends or acquaintances, that are definitely wacko religious types. I cringe when I hear about someone bombing a clinic or someone that has delivered a death threat to someone on the other side.

Is it ultimately possible for me to persuade a Greta type of person to see life through my worldview ala presupilitionalism from one of my professors? I know that Greta was quick to admit that most religious types don’t convert to atheism during one heated debate but over a period of time when their pat religious answers don’t work. I have faced much tragedies in my life and know that at any point it would have been easy to walk away from God and truly say what difference does it make? I watched my mom die slowly over a decade from the ravages of cancer. I prayed along with hundreds for God to heal her and spare her life. She died and it would be easy to say that if there is a God he didn’t hear my prayers or he, she or whoever delights in torturing grandma types.

I know that my adult kids or the youth we are working with at New City in the hood are growing up in an age of relativism where anything goes or as I would say nothing really matters. I know that while studying philosophy in college that I was exposed to what life would be like if God didn’t exist. I was fascinated by Kant’s notion that it would be better to live as if God existed to provide a moral structure for life than to concede that God is man’s invention. I read many of the existentialists of the early 50’s-60’s and understood the crisis of faith that might produce a rather negative view of whether life is worth living.

I know that I’m not going to persuade someone like Greta to walk away from her present worldview much as I’m not going to ‘chuck’ God because of the tension of whether further scientific discovery erases the need to buy into the existence of God. I thoroughly enjoyed getting my philosophy degree, which was both a focus on religious studies, classical philosophy and the philosophy of science. One of the books that profoundly influenced me was written by Thomas Kuhn, “Theories of Scientific Revolution”. He made the case that both the religious types and scientific types aren’t quick to admit to their own changing views or paradigms. It is so true that change is part of life. Yet, how do I address the change in the scientific theories of today that are contrary to the past? Just as it is difficult for the theologian to admit that his or her doctrinal views have changed over a lifetime.

I know in the past I would have made the sarcastic point that to be an atheist requires having infinite knowledge and the ability to be omnipresent so you can objectively say that I have searched the universe or the mysteries of knowledge and know absolutely that God is a figment of my imagination. Just as it would be the same for the atheist to ask me if I can absolutely prove the existence of God from an empirical perspective. We would both have to admit, rather humbly I hope, that no one has absolute knowledge about anything. I know that during my Jesus freak days we sang a song that said, “the more I know, the more I know I know nothing”. The point, which Solomon echoes, is that man isn’t God, the eternal mind or eternal matter but a being that has a definite beginning and a definite end. The question is why do I live as if I know everything instead of just being honest and saying I’m searching or I look to the one I believe has the answers to my life quest? 

Are guys braindead when it comes to relationships?

I was in the middle of attempting to have a romantic dinner ready for my Anne when she came back from her CPE Class at 9pm. I had gotten three calls from different people who I assume thought I was rude because I said I couldn’t talk. I had another teen that kept calling which became annoying. I had quickly gone by Fresh and Easy and picked up some great steaks, cauliflower and fruit. I knew that Anne was exhausted after doing a project all day and then had to present it in class.

Just as I’m finishing everything I get a text from a good friend who is having some struggles with his/her boy/girlfriend. I had just recently talked to this individual so I kinda new what the issues were about. I was raised in a home where my mother taught me or forced me to be a helper and thoughtful in all that I do. I’m not bragging about being the best spouse but had a great example of parents who cared for each other by being real servants.

As we texted back and forth I realized that the issues at hand were really difficult to resolve. How do you help someone who has been raised around an all-chauvinistic environment to understand that you have to put your future spouse first and be willing to work hard, even when it isn’t fun and then choose to be a neat freak when by nature you are a slob?

I know with my own kids that it isn’t any different as we grew up, as a family, it was obvious that one of my kids was an early bird and the other was a night owl. I also had an ocd neat freak and a slob for my kids. Looking back it is almost funny to see how they have all turned out since they have their own places. My one slacker kid has turned into the clean freak that finished school with perfect grades! I’m so proud  of this one. Much as I am so proud of my other kids but it has been a long journey when it comes to growing up and defining yourself by your choices and not by your environment or your parents.

I could tell as I texted to this young friend that it they were almost at a point of screaming. So I offered to have my Anne come and be a taxi so we could talk face to face. This wasn’t an option because it was too late. So I gave some guidelines or boundaries, which I knew we both agreed to and said just be very honest and specific with your boy/girl friend. Ultimately we say good night to each other and my Anne eventually arrives home about 45 minutes late.

I know it isn’t easy for most men to have the sensitivity it takes to understand their spouses or girlfriends. I’m not sure why we are wired in such a way that we expect the world to revolve around us totally. I know that picking up my clothes or taking out the trash isn’t the most important thing in the world. Yet, if I left all of my dirty clothes next to our bed I know that my Anne would ream me at some point. Just as I know that most families have pets, we have a zoo and it is wrong for me to assume that my wife will feed, clean up after and pick up the poop in the backyard for our herd. Yet, how many kids beg, plead or scream for a pet only to see mom, not dad, take care of it for the next 20 years.

My hope in the relationships I have with my guys, both little guys, teen guys and men guys is to help them see that being a servant leader with your family is the most awesome way to live! I know that among Jesus’ 12 there was always an ongoing argument about who would be the number one leader. This created much consternation among the rest of the disciples. So I know that often greatness in my neighborhood is seen in having your spouse or girlfriend serve you dinner or a beer but the real sign of servant leadership is when the guy of the house not only cooks the meal but also does the dishes. 

Help

One of the obvious concerns in today’s economic setting is whether there will be job stability for everyone? Does your age impact your ability to continue to work until retirement? Does my lack of education or further training limit my ability to get a job or advance? What about our youth that can’t hack taking the AIMS test and end up not officially graduating? What happens to youth and young adults who have grown up around generational poverty and don’t have the resources to figure out life and employment without some help?

God has me on a journey of connecting with many friends to talk about what does it look like to see neighborhood transformation take place? Clearly one of the passions of New City –Barrio is to see at risk youth get it between growing  a passion for life, learning, God and their own community. The opportunity is that there isn’t any quick path to help someone who is surrounded by negativism to have a positive outlook on their life and a willingness to take risks and trust people they don’t know.

I just recently preached and did a presentation at a Chinese Church that is partnering with New City. I was asked some of the typical questions which are not easy to answer in a way that makes sense. I had a gentleman who is an engineer ask the obvious question, “How can you know whether what you are doing actually has any impact on the youth and neighborhood you are doing your ministry?” He asked a very straight forward question that didn’t have a 1, 2, 3 type of answer. I said I can see amazing forward progress with many after working 6 years in my neighborhood. The challenge is that I can’t do standardized testing or having personal evals on 100 kids and teens.

I shared some stories of both youth and adults that would be both success stories and sad stories. I explained that as with any family you always have a few who step up and make life happen and others that are willing to stand around and watch life pass them by. I painted a picture of not programs being the solution to the job setting but the building up of personal relationships that become significant in the life of a youth or adult. It is through these relationships that life change happens.

I know that my Anne and I struggle at times with knowing whether we are doing any good. It is easy to allow circumstances that are too close to you to cloud your ability to see the forest through the trees. We had recently worked with two homeless teens where the one that seemed most likely to step up and follow through totally fooled us and the teen that was a total scam artist hit bottom and then stepped up. I know that looking back at what we did I wouldn’t necessarily change but I know that it is ultimately in God’s hands when it comes to the results but I know that I have to be faithful and focused on doing my best and never settling for mediocre choices.

I know that I have seen life transformation take place in the most hopeless situations. As I met with a 30 year old guy yesterday who already has four kids with two different gals it struck me that here was a guy who I had already given up on and was ready to have his mom, yes he lives at home, kick him out. Now, he is in school full time and working. I’m so proud of this guy and he knows it but he would be the first to admit that this wasn’t his life when we met five years ago.

I’m excited about the prospects of what is going to happen with my group of friends that have a heart making a difference in our neighborhood!

Don't Judge a Book by Its' Cover

Last night we had our life skill group and talked about what makes one person live on the edge of mediocrity or the status quo and another person is rocking the world around him or her? My point is to help motivate or push some of my teens and adults to step up and do something totally outside their box. The challenge is that most people today would rather live in their comfort zone and never push themselves to grow, because it costs them something.

As I was picking up one of my teen guys I asked a rather obvious question, why play sports if you aren’t a superstar type? Does it have any perks or reason to go to practice everyday for hours if you don’t end up playing all of the time? I was impressed with his response – sports are more for the average guy not super stud athlete and teaches that hard work and teamwork are awesome life lessons. He came back and also said that it teaches you to not judge someone by how they look. He had just played a tennis tournament and the guy that he played against didn’t look too swift but ultimately beat him.

I understand that what makes a person choose to be different than those around them is a combination of many things. I know that education might not be the path for everyone after high school and that getting a college degree doesn’t mean that you will get a high paying job when you graduate! Yet, so many today finish with debt that is overwhelming only to get a job that pays $12 hour. My hope is to be better at fleshing out what the pathway for helping anyone figure out their life passion, take steps to pursue it and then find people around them that can help them never settle for mediocrity as they find their life niche.  

I asked one of our teens that is the superstar academic and athlete type to share why she is the way she is. I know that looking at this gal you would assume that because she is pretty and smart she must of grown up in your typical rich kid home with a mom and a dad. Yet, the reality is that she has grown up in a Habitat for Humanity Community with a single mom who has struggled in bad relationships but has raised her four kids so that they always pursue excellence. I wasn’t shocked to hear this teen say that it was her mom’s push that never stopped that has taught her to step up and have dreams and aspirations that go beyond most. She has chosen to invest herself with many different projects and is an ace at volunteering.

I think the challenge of having this gal talk is that everyone is thinking I could never be like her! I’m not that smart and she is so cute and a brainy type. Yet, the reality is that she too struggles with not having a dad involved in her life. She has lived in poverty most of her life even though she attends a very expensive private high school. I asked her what was the cost of her choice to do well in school. Her response was interesting – I don’t sleep much at times. I then asked everyone if they were to do a time chart for their week how much of their time would be wasted on playing video games, doing Facebook, watching movies or just messing around. The unfortunately reality for most that are 20-30 something guys that have ok jobs but still live at home and spend most of their life playing Black Ops 3 online.

I wasn’t surprised to hear from a couple of my college interns that it had been their parents who would be perceived as just normal people that kept pushing them and cast a vision for being a life long learner. Yeah – you can never stop or slow down when it comes to having goals and choosing to be someone who doesn’t coast in life. So as we are finishing I ask one of the other teens to share his story about thinking through his passion in life, talking to a mentor and hooking up with a business owner that is doing what he dreams about. The neat story is that this teen was able to interview this business owner and then because of following through with job applications has a job!

I have to confess that it would be too easy for me to judge many of the kids in my group as not being capable of stepping up and will live most of their lives on the edge of failure not because they haven’t been challenged or had mentors help but because their circumstances make it too easy for them to become couch potatoes.