Stop it!! Don’t gossip period!!

I catch myself too often in the middle of thinking I’m being sensitive and helping someone only to discover that I’ve broken someone’s confidence. I didn’t intentionally seek to gossip or trash talk but it happened. Last night I received a message from a good friend who I do respect that was losing it because a couple of close friends had trash talked behind this individual’s back. I had recently watched all of these individuals together actually helping each other.

So why do we continue to bash and attack those that are close to us? I totally get why I might attack someone who I view as a competitor or someone that I honestly don’t like. Yet, the fallacy in all of this is I and others truly believe that by gossiping or pretending to help by putting down that we are actually building ourselves up? How’s it possible to be into deconstructionism and think that it’s actually going to help anyone?

I experienced one of the most humbling and tragic events in my life when a few in my leadership core decided I was no longer their ‘guy’. When I first heard this, it was shocking and numbing. The aftermath was a soul-searching time and a reflection on a few friends who had gone behind my back to do something they believed was best for all. I know that looking back over the last 12 years I admit that I had a lot to do with the disconnect amongst a small group. Yet, what hurt was knowing that a few had chosen to strategize my demise and didn’t do this eyeball to eyeball.

Ultimately, I didn’t learn how to be more venerable from this circumstance but more guarded especially around close friends and even my family. Who wants to be exposed as a failure or the ‘wrong guy’? Yes, I’ve learned since to be bolder, depend on the Lord more and never be ashamed of who I am. My younger friend who was hurt by a few friends is still hurt, upset and angry. Big picture is why do we continue to tear down those who we appear to care about and love?

My mom would always remind me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say about someone then don’t say anything it all. Verbally abusing someone will never make anyone a better person but only hurt all of those involved.

So, stop talking unless it’s going to build up another person. Silence sometimes can be golden!

Race & Hate? WHY?

One of the more difficult obstacles to understanding the present race wars is the fact that I’m White and assume I know everything. I was raised by an incredible dad who shielded me from the terse racial battles he grew up in around greater St. Louis. I can honestly say that my dad never used the N word to me as a kid growing up. Yet, my personal purview that I’m colored blind is truly out of touch with the world around me even as I work intentionally with at risk youth that are non-whites.

I will honestly admit that I initially reacted to the BLM movement and was too quick to say don’t all lives matter? Yet, as I read a post from a good friend that lives in St. Louis she was making the point, why does it seem to be the case that too many White Police Officers are killing young Black Men and getting away with it? The acquittal of the Police Officer who shot Anthony Lamar Smith has caused unrest in a city that is already on edge after Ferguson and Michael Brown. Our nation is presently in the center of a race war that isn’t going to stop.

I have been significantly impacted as I continue to read books, like White Rage, The New Jim Crow, Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption and now a novel, Lightening Men that is about Atlanta in the 50’s. I’m ashamed of my own church’s background when it comes to the apparent disconnect with admitting that we have been a segragationistic community. As I read White Rage I was horrified to think that I might have had relatives who took place in public lynchings that were justified solely because of the color of an individual’s skin regardless of true justice!

How is it possible in 2017 that we still are struggling with racial and sexual discrimination in schools, the work place and still in church? I watched in horror over the last few months as key figures in our social and political arenas continue to normalize racism and sexism? I have a close professor friend who was fired for his passion for talking about social justice, White Privilege and elitism? He was teaching at a supposedly Christian University that sadly seems unwilling to come to grips with its inability to be real about the why of firing my friend.

So, what is the cause of our continued race wars? I attended a lecture recently of a seasoned White House speech writer who was up in arms because of our present nationalistic, America First and White Supremist mindset with our present administration. His point, which is very convicting, is that we might be changing back into a country that totally ignores its diverse legacy and attempts to erase our bigoted past or further more promote it.

The pathway to creating a healthier balance between different people groups is to stop judging and analyzing anyone by the color of their skin, gender, body size, educational background, income level and see each person as a human being. What happened to MLK’s statement that we are to look at a person not according to their skin color but according to their character?

There is only one RACE which is the HUMAN RACE!

What’s more powerful; Love or hate? Remember 9-11!

I know that most struggle with the WHY question in life. Why was there a 9-11? How is it possible that the most powerful nation in the world could be taken by surprise by a small group of terrorist and do the unthinkable? The Pearl Harbor attack also has also gone down as one of the worst attacks on the US military in history. How is any of this possible? The real question that arises is how is it possible that it seems that HATE is more powerful than LOVE? Why would anyone attack the largest building in the world full of people from all over the world? The amount of effort, training and commitment it took to hijack airplanes and then fly them into these monuments to man’s achievements is unthinkable.

This last week has shown the resilience of the American people as we will watch multiple hurricanes attack our cities and coastlines. The amazing response has been millions responding by donating to various nonprofits to help. More impressive are the 1,000’s that have left the security of their homes to help as first responders to rescue people stranded. The fires that continue to ravage the west coast have shown the same resilience as firemen from all the US travel to help the various ‘Hot Shot’ teams.

Why does it often seem that it takes tragedy to bring out the best in people? I truly believe that love, compassion, mercy and grace will transform lives and make the world a better place. I also believe hate is like a cancer that will continue to hurt until like the surgeon it is stopped! Our amazing country faces an ongoing crisis when it comes to understanding the real basis of our country that has made it great! I personally struggle with the apparent zeal for nationalism and protectionism by some in our country. What happened to caring in a practical way for our homeless Veterans who have given their lives for our country. Yet, too many live on the streets and have been forgotten?

How is it possible that as a country that we are incapable of working together for the greater good of our nation and the world? What stops our elected representatives from compromising their extremes to find workable pathways? As I watched the erection of a border statue of a young child, #Jarret, symbolizing the cries of the forgotten and how walls built by our country don’t solve the ills of our country or the world. Amazing that it takes a hurricane to get our attention back on helping real people that have legitimate needs instead of arguing about a group of young people that were brought to our country illegally? These DACA recipients are incredible people that have finished high school, graduated from college and served in our military.

I’m sadden and outraged by the hate that has come out in our own country. This brings back the fact that we have forgotten about how horribly we have treated African Americans as slaves both past and present, the internment camps with our Japanese families, the ongoing impact of the elitism of a few that assumes one race/culture is better than another! I know that there isn’t an easy pathway to make things better until everyone is willing to be humble, reflective on the responsibility of those that have been blessed with much and the difficulty of those with the power to learn, show remorse for poor or outright wrong decisions.

This last Saturday I was fortunate to have a group of friends gather to make burritos and sort clothing for our homeless friends on the street. This could have easily generated into a discussion of whether the homeless were deserving of compassion and help. Yet, what happened was a team of volunteers that accomplished so much in a short time.

My lasting memory from Saturday is of an older homeless friend, Robert, who is a veteran and always goes out of his way to say thank you. He purposely asks me if he can pray for me and then blesses me. I’m humbled and truly loved.

Yes!! Love will always overcome the hate in our society!