Friends

My Anne and I are so incredibly blessed to have lots of great friends. This is largely a by-product of being old folks at this juncture in life. So whenever we gets calls from our out of town friends we really want to make the effort to connect, especially if there is food involved! So last night we had dinner with some great friends, who have two teens and enjoyed some Oregano’s Pizza with awesome conversation.

I know that it is great to have social media that gets pictures from all over the world on your laptop in seconds. I do enjoy reading the updates of my friends. Yet, there is something much more satisfying then looking at my mac air screen and that is having eye-to-eye friendship. I know that in today’s busy world that it is so much easier but less friendly to text someone then talk or e-mail then explain in person what is happening.

I think that the challenge today is that it is easy to assume that my 800 FB friends are really friends. Yeah, I have to confess that there are a few of them that are friends of friends that I don’t know much about. I know that relationships require face-to-face time and an ongoing nurturing that takes time. It isn’t possible even for a multi-tasking type to have more than 100 friends regardless. So how is it possible to maintain this façade of being popular and loved by many? Maybe better question would be to step back and say why would I even consider wanting to do this.

This helps me evaluate my own life and see that my family should really come first in my friend group. Yeah, this is easy to say and want but not always the easiest to do. As the parent, kid and now caretaker of my dad/grandpa it becomes rather demanding to juggle schedules, egos, personalities, likes/dislikes and personal preferences. I believe that it is all worth it to help create and make possible a family context that gives a sense of connectedness, value, self-worth, identity and a safe haven. I didn’t grow up with a home that was my ‘stomping ground’. We moved every couple of years. So I have continued until recently this pattern, not my choice necessarily but now I can say that Phoenix is my home. I have lived her since the middle 90’s.

As we approach Christmas, which is traditionally a family, gathering time I want to thank my friends who love me and help me experience the beauty and awesomeness of life. As I sit in my Starbucks and type this I know that the manager is quick to befriend me and partner with me in doing community work. As I listen to one of the younger baristas, whose husband is unemployed, they just got a house and have a baby, I know that they are struggling. Yet, it has been my choice to take the time to be around people that become the path to friendship.

I am so appreciative of my out of town friends who chose to call or I should say FB me a few weeks ago. I was thankful that our calendar wasn’t totally booked so getting a night to dine together worked out. Yeah, we and our friends have aged and their kids have gotten much older and taller, much to the demise of my wife whose stature becomes too obvious in contrast. I love having friends and I love being a friend. None of this would happen if God had chosen to be totally a private impersonal being. Yet, he chose to come to us as the Babe in the manger and now the resurrected Lord who understands my life. I would hope that all of us could nurture and grow our friendships, especially with our spouses and family.

Celebrate or Not To Celebrate?

We live in a crazy world that seems to always take something that has great meaning and purpose and turn it into a commercial venture. I don’t believe that consumerism has totally taken over the planet. My concern is whether it has taken over my life and the life of my family. Yes it seems like Christmas decorations are up like the beginning of November instead of after Thanksgiving. Yes we have Black Friday, CyberMonday and Free Shipping Tuesday or whatever.

I know that Jesus wasn’t really born on December 25^th and that the actual date isn’t truly known. I will be the first to admit that the pagans are the ones who choose to observe Christmas on December 25^th. Does this nullify the celebration or observation of the greatest event in history? It is easy to become passionate about almost anything today. (I can’t fathom that there are many that are mourning the death of a totalitarian dictator who brought death and poverty to most of his nation.)

Yes, I have read many blogs that are quick to berate the observation of Christmas as we presently observe it, i.e. the height of retail business is judged not by the 11 months of the year prior to December but by this month alone. I don’t like to be controlled by anyone or thing, yet, I admit that I’m influenced by the loud voices too often. Why did the Wisemen have to bring gifts? Is this the cause of all our consumeristic holiday frenzy?

Is it sinfully horrible to have a Christmas Tree in our home? Please realize that I have downsized over the years from an 8-9 foot tree to now a miniature that is 2 feet tall. I love having my lights up both in and outside the house. My Anne has a knack for decorating the inside that is inspiring. Do we do this to show off our wealth or consumeristic paganism – NO we do it because we love God and are humbled at the coming of the Christ child in the manger. Do we have to do this – NO but we choose to do it.

I can be respectful of those who aren’t followers of Christ and see this as the winter holiday and time for vacation and gift giving. Just don’t attempt to secularize me and allow me to still live out the true meaning of the season. I also can appreciate those who choose not to give gifts but instead give of themselves to make a difference in the lives of those less fortunate. The reality is that for many they measure your love for them by the gifts that are given. I don’t ‘buy’ into this but understand a person’s dna, just as another person might consider commitment to a cause as being more important than celebrating a holiday.

So what should determine whether I celebrate Christmas, Easter, birthdays or anniversaries or remember the death of my mom or my past animals in our household? There are some who would quickly say that the Bible is against promoting one day above another. There are those who would say that it is better to live more simply and spend less and pollute less. The Bible does give me freedom to express myself as long as I don’t attempt to make my personal bias the rule of the land. This is tough if I’m the dad or Lord of the Castle. I know that even my own kids as they grow up will at times go down a different path. Does that bother me?? Yes of course it does. I truly want them and others to experience the real meaning of Christmas which isn’t easy at times to see through both the over commercialism or pagan emptiness of doing nothing with an arrogant slant.

My wife and I discuss or honestly argue or debate how do you have a family Christmas when all of a sudden your kids are grown up, married and have outsiders now on the inside. All families have different ways of observing or not observing Christmas. It is difficult to give way to a competing paradigm for living when I think or know that I have discovered the God of the universe who has given us life. I’m learning that you can influence others and show the true meaning of Christmas by being more caring, quick to share and help and being thoughtfully persuasive instead of beating someone over the head that doesn’t get it.

Do I give gifts to those who choose not to celebrate or observe Christmas? Do I give a gift to those like the paperman, special friends like at Starbucks, Matt’s etc…. I would rather create a culture of giving with the right purpose and motivation to share the miracle of Christmas. Yes it does bother me when someone else ruins my Christmas celebration by being a Scrooge or a Grinch. I know that I can politely joke around these types and still bring the message of Divine Intervention into the Cosmos by being a giver that seeks to bring the Light of Christ into everyday life.

Persistence

I know that many will look at me as someone that does not give up or quit regardless of circumstances. What makes the difference too often between those who fail and those who succeed is just 15 minutes. Yeah, 15 minutes where you choose to get back up, dust off your feet and keep doing it. Yet, the reality is that most would rather sleep another 15 minutes and be late. I will tease most around by saying that the early bird does catch the worm. Jesus did have a habit of getting up really early, like before the sun came up to pray, meditate and plan.

I confess that I can be annoying at times because I don’t give up or quit. I may not come out and ask for a specific type of gift but I push for people to be involved in making a difference in another person’s life. I know that even with my teens or some of my grandparents that I can hear them say, “There’s Dave again wanting us to be involved!”

Too often I encounter earlier risers at my Starbucks whose goal is to persuade me to read the Watch Tower. I will smile, applaud them for their zeal but then attempt to explain that their efforts are misguided. I do get annoyed with the homeless person who continues to frequent the McDonalds or Hot Dog Stand where I go because he either makes the excuse that he needs $$ for diapers or some other lame thing. I eventually tell him that I’ll get him a hot and spicy or a Sonoran Dog.

My real purpose in writing this is to talk briefly about a few who have been blessed by having their house painted but have chosen not to be involved with Barrio/New City. I struggle with knowing whether to provide gifts or special things when I have limited resources. There is one who is a 40 or 50 something that is living with her mom, one of my awesome Grandmas. So when we had our last Christmas Party and gifts were given out she didn’t get one because she’s not a grandma and hasn’t done anything to help.

I was a little upset with being cornered and pressured to give her something. My simple response was that there wasn’t a gift card or food box for her because her mom got it. I wasn’t being cruel on purpose but had explained the reasoning behind why we gave out gifts. It’s not that this person doesn’t have any needs but my hope is to help her see that it is her turn to step up and do something for others first instead of expecting something for nothing.

I know that this person has argued with me in the past to have her picture be in our publications. She and her sister have helped out in the past with doing cooking. My heart still struggles with someone who wants a hand out and not a hand up. She is blessed to have a mom who is supporting her but ultimately she will have to step up for herself. I know that Grandma gets upset at times with her grandkids who don’t do much besides hang out and expect someone else to pay their way. So I know that my grandma will kick out some of her grandkids to help them figure out life.

I got another call from another grandma, who I have helped out before, who asked in the right way for help with a food basket. I will go to the store and buy a gift card for her Christmas present. I will also buy around 30 hams to give out to different families. Yes, I will drop one off at this one gal’s house for her and grandma to enjoy for Christmas. I know that Jesus didn’t do miracles or help everyone around him. Sometimes even Jesus had a cold reception, especially in his own neighborhood, where he left with I’m sure a sad and even confused feeling.

So sometimes I will be part of an incredible day where most are blessed by giving and many by receiving. Yet, when someone complains about the gift they didn’t get or the fact that they weren’t included is just a part of normal life. I will remember one of our first Christmases with our kids. Grandma Mary was with us and had brought 1,000 of gifts for everyone. After all of the gifts were opened and the comparison thing was being done it was clear that one of my kids felt ‘jipped’ and literally feel on the floor screaming and crying. Wow – I didn’t know what to do, especially with Grandma present. We talked and listened and discovered that the gift she really wanted she was too afraid to ask and then another sibling got her gift.

I know that deep down inside I wasn’t much different at Christmas as a little kid. I was spoiled to have generous parents, who had the means, usually to get me what I wanted not necessarily what I needed. The great news is that God has given us the best present that is exactly what we need.

Out Foxed?

I have always considered myself as someone who would never get taken in a scam or have someone actually steal something from right before my eyes. I know that Jesus applauded the unrighteous steward that quickly acted to save his neck and help his master. The challenge is too often Christians are wimps when it comes to stepping up and using their brains and heart together. It is too easy for someone to take advantage of us because we are softies.

I got a call from my other son, Terrance, when he was coming back from doing a delivery job for me. Actually he was picking up his laptop that had an issue and dropping off another one. He decided to take a detour via the Chinese takeout. As he was pulling out of the parking lot someone quickly came behind him and allegedly Terrance backed up into this sedan.

As I am listening to Terrance I am trying to maintain my composure and not be upset. I know that accidents happen and that especially at Christmas time there is way too much traffic in parking lots. Eventually Terrance makes it home and unfolds what happens. It is a couple of days after that I hear most likely the real or rest of the story. It could be that this guy quickly pulls behind Terrance and fakes the accident. His car most likely had been hit before and the dent and the size and height of the truck don’t match up at all. Terrance is too quick to assume its’ his fault and that his life is going to instantly cease.

I text Toniel, the girl friend, and get the real scoop which Terrance was either too afraid to tell me or just forgot in the excitement of the moment. So now what do I do? Call this guy up who sounds like he was trying to take Terrance. He was quick to say can you give me a check for the damage. Yet, he did call his insurance company? Maybe he had already been in a fender bender and didn’t catch who did it?

I know that Anne at times will tell me that I’m blind at how our group has scams or thieves that are lurking around to find the opportune time to take one of our laptops or ipads. So when something is taken it makes it difficult to not assume that the obvious person is the culprit instead of thinking through what happened, what time and who was around. I know that too often I error between being too gracious or too quick to come down.

Last night as I am in bed reading via my iPod, Darious, my other son, comes up and asks for help with doing a presentation that is due the next day and he has had a week to do it. I am upset and ticked at him for always being last minute and lazy. I show him how to do it and get the laptop and usb drive ready. I get up early and double check to discover that he had actually stayed up past midnight to finish his project. The challenge was that he was supposed to add pictures and be creative. He has done the minimum, which is still better than doing nothing that meant an automatic F. I have been trying to ingrain in his brain to be proactive and on top of things instead of chilling to the last second.

Yes I enjoy playing detective at times but not when someone has stolen my wife’s iPhone. I know that my Anne isn’t as quick to think about her ‘stuff’ and the necessity of making sure it is out of sight and out of mind. So the quick assumption now is that because all high tech devices have gps you can find them instantly. The only problem is that most thieves are high tech and know to instantly turn off the location services app. Yeah, I know that life is more than my toys and that it isn’t the end of the world when something is stolen or misplaced or lost. My real concern is that I don’t want to ignore a pattern amongst a few that finders keepers is losers weepers.

Customer of the Week?

I have to confess that I do live at my Starbucks in the morning. Whether we are walking the dogs, meeting with someone or just chilling I always make my way to get a cup of coffee. It would be interesting to have kept track of the different people I have met over the last 3 years since it opened. Most of the baristas have become friends. The manager Joseph has become a great friend, which has helped both of us put on different events for the community.

It was last February that Joseph got his nerve up to ask me if I would help him with putting on a community event in the larger strip mall on 19^th Avenue and Baseline. This began a journey that has seen us work together in some amazing ways. I know that Joseph doesn’t share my theological views. There had been an older barista, who is a Christian, which would be too quick to judge him at times. I don’t expect Joseph to act like or talk like a believer because he isn’t. This doesn’t stop him from helping me to community service that shows forth God’s heart for the community.

The culmination of a few months worth of working together was a Saturday event that saw over 25 vendors participate and close to a 1000 people come. It was during this time that we became good friends. It always surprises me when a manager type of person sits down with you and talks for like an hour or so. He loves to scheme and dream with me.

So it wasn’t any surprise when I get a text from one of the baristas, who is a good friend and says that I am customer of the week. My wife would say that I am one of the major supporter’s of this location and that if we were to move it would go under. So I come in this morning to get our usual venti cup of coffee to share. Just as Joseph is putting the cup back on the counter after a refill I accidently knock over the large cup of coffee on the counter. I felt like an idiot! The gentleman behind me was more concerned about my iPhone getting coffee on it. Yeah the phone isn’t coffee proof.

Like any messes in life it doesn’t take too long to fix with instant attention. I quickly get my phone, lift up the cash register and watch the barista quickly mop up the coffee mess. Yes, 20 ounces of coffee is a lot so it took a couple of towels to clean it all up. The mess is gone, I feel like a fool and Joseph now can make wise cracks about me. Yes, the other barista quickly added that Joseph should go wear the angry bird hat that I had brought earlier last week.

It is great to have friends and once in a while be honored or loved! I want to thank Tamika my favorite barista for making me customer of the week to get my free cup of venti coffee.