Is a bigger gun really the solution?

Yesterday I hear the tragic news that a nineteen-year old girl was killed in a drive by during a house party. I discover that a few of my teens happened to have been at this party. This wasn’t supposed to happen but it did. It was around midnight when two cars drove by and shot randomly into a crowd of mostly teens that were outside of this house. I heard this first via Facebook through a few of the teens living with us and then discover when my Anne comes home after being at the ER all night with her job that she actually had talked with a few of these teens that had been shot.

I know that the typical reaction is to find a gun and go after these gang bangers and return evil for evil. Just as I am made aware of this horrible incident another one of my teens shares his story of being scared out of his mind by another similar situation. As he is walking from Circle K someone follows him with his friend and then shows them a gun and clearly puts my friend in his place. It is the following day that I hear that this craziness continues as my friend next shares about these same guys coming back and this time shoot his friend in his leg. WHAT IS GOING ON?

It is just a matter of time before one of my teens or 20 somethings are shot by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. What is the solution? I know that for some it is better gun control for others it is the freedom to have your own weapon that you know will protect you from being attacked. I go back and forth from rage and wanting real revenge to shaking my head in a state of confusion. What has to happen in order for this to stop? History shows many different paths from radicals like Gandhi literally starving to death to stop the world. I also know that World Wars happen that require the bomb that stops the world for a few minutes. Yet, today there are dictators and tyrants who care little about life and you see the headlines of 1000’s being gassed, mass graves and the world continues.

This becomes a matter of the heart. What pushes someone to go against their inner sense of morality? Yes, video games and movies make it so much easier to pull the trigger and assume that you can always continue to play and those that you have mutilated come back to life. Yet, this is real life when a bullet is more than capable of erasing a life in a second. I know that the most difficult action to see happen is to have righteousness stand up against blatant evil taking the risk that the sacrifice of a life can bring ultimate change. I have seen the power of God transform a life and salvage what was a hardened thug or gangbanger and put back together a life that is broken and confused.

The challenge for me is that it is too easy to be like others who intentionally move out of the neighborhood believing that this solves the problem for them. Yet, this only means that those with the guns are left. I love my wife who now has the guts to scream out of her window to the car next to us with loud music that is demeaning to women and foul to shut it off as I’m telling her maybe you shouldn’t be challenging this guy?  Pleas stop! Yet, it takes the determination and guts, like my Anne, to scream out to the world around you it’s TIME TO STOP THE KILLING!

I know that between my favorite quote and movie that evil isn’t going to be overcome unless the righteous stands up against it. The difficulty is that everyone assumes that someone else will do this but nothing happens. It’s time to stand up against the deceptive life style choices around us that end up seeing good being called evil and evil now becomes the new good.

Be a Bulldog!

I think everyone has heard the old adage that persistence, patience and being like a bulldog eventually pays off! I am around youth and adults that have been viewed as on the fringe in life and usually are perceived as not capable of succeeding. Often those in positions of authority do actually take advantage or ignore those in these types of situations that have legitimate needs. I’m so proud of one of my key volunteers that is such an amazing example of someone that didn’t allow her circumstances to stop her from accomplishing her goals.

My close friend was born in Mexico and was snuck across the border as a little kid who didn’t understand the dynamic of what was happening. Her family had been involved with doing farm and ranch work which all of a sudden stopped because of a draught and ongoing dust storms. Her dad found a family on the other side of the border in Arizona that was willing to give them an opportunity for a new life. My friend’s dad easily got across the board in the late 80’s and provided the means for his family to have a new life.

The point of my blog isn’t to argue about immigration but to see how being persistent and patient in the long run pays off. This isn’t to say that this is an easy path to pursue. The reality is that most in my friend’s situation usually quit after a few years. Yet, as my friend shared last night with a group of listening teens and college students it took being like a bulldog to eventually see her dream become a reality. As my friend shared about the culture of her family, especially her dad, he is first generation Mexican and would typically be someone that saw getting a job as being more important than finishing high school or going to college. Yet, because of his tough circumstances in life he knew that his kids would need a real education to pursue a better life.

My friend’s story revolves around her choice to join the Army after graduating from high school. The difficulty, which I didn’t realize, was that she wasn’t a citizen but a legal resident while she served her country. She actually served 2 tours of duty in a war zone. Yet, as she attempted to pursue her citizenship it fell on flat ears. The unfortunate fact was that serving overseas meant she wasn’t capable of applying for citizenship or even able to maintain her green card status.

After she got out of the reserves she landed a great job with Boeing doing exactly the same thing she did in the army. The difficulty was that after 9/11 it was no longer an automatic assumption that serving in the military would get you your citizenship. I know that I’m known for not ever quitting on anyone regardless the circumstances. I truly believe that God is more than capable of redeeming anyone. My friend truly reflects the end result of what happens when you keep going and don’t stop!

The highlight of her story was that after not getting any real help with her citizenship she chooses to camp out on the doorstep of Senator McCain. I assume that most would perceive the Senator as the ultimate BULLDOG. Yet, his secretary ignored my friend’s presence in his office for a full day. Eventually my friend was able to corner Mr. Bulldog and get his attention. I know that this took a lot of courage that did come out of real frustration with nothing happening for too long for someone that put her life on the line. The great news was that within a few weeks the Senator did his thing and she was now a citizen of the U.S.A.!

I’m so proud of my friend who will graduate in May with her degree from ASU after working full time and helping our kids and teens see what can happen when you put your mind to it. Yeap, my friend is a bulldog that I would not want to face in any circumstance, unless she happens to be your advocate. So be a bulldog and see what will happen!

Can you bounce back?

I’m asked often how do you do what you do? You seem to have boundless energy and never seem to need sleep? I have to be honest that often I surprise myself when it comes to the impact that passion has on your ability to stay focused, finish well and be ready for more! I was listening to a discussion on talk radio about the ongoing issue of being burnt out. What surprised me, not really, was to have this person being interviewed be honest about their inability to disconnect at times with their work or passion. Is it possible to turn off your iPhone or Droid and actually do nothing? The ultimate issue for this successful gal was she couldn’t sleep at night.

It is easy for me to get a high from dealing with emergency life issues that are around me. Too often we define our lives by a checklist, possessions, positions and your ability to be an influencer.  Is it possible to be the energizer bunny but also the slug that finds that favorite couch and actually lays horizontal? I confess to the fact that too often I only get 6 hours of sleep. My wife is an early riser, like 5am, so we can walk the dogs before the crowd comes out and be ready for our day before 7am. I also like to stay up late on occasion. So at some point you hit the wall and need some real rest and downtime.

What I enjoyed about listening to this one talk show program was the fact that the leader decided to change the work paradigm in her company. She saw the need to detach and not be controlled by a smartphone 24/7. My wife is reading a book for her clinical studies on the same topic and focuses on how to be in the middle of crisis and not be overwhelmed. I know that most want a 1-2-3 approach to handling real life issues. What comes across through personal experience and the influencers around me is to first admit that you are too busy doing things that aren’t important. Yes, I might not be the best at managing my time or seeing through the tyranny of the urgent. So I do need to take a step back and catch my breath.

I work with youth and adults in tough neighborhoods where most live in crisis and believe personally everything is always an emergency. So the expectation usually is that I should drop everything I’m doing and help. I react to this a lot and usually don’t do knee jerk reactions out of principle. Yet, I am beginning to understand the impact of always living in broken situations has on an individual where you don’t have the skills to bounce back or rethink your view of circumstances. So what are some practical steps in learning how to bounce back and rethink your paradigm of how you do life?

I admit that I’m addicted to my high tech tools or toys. My goal each day is to spend down time reading. I love using my iPad to read and rest. Yes, I actually go home and get on my bed and read with one of my dogs next to me. This might be as much as an hour or just 15 minutes but it always energizes me for what is up next. I know it would be so much easier if there were a pill to pop or some type of self-hypnosis but I need to take ownership of my life and not allow circumstances to control me. So it is possible to take time whether that is in your office, at home or driving in your car to catch your breath? Maybe it is listening to music instead of hearing about the latest tragedy or actually doing nothing.

This CEO type of person on the talk show admitted that it was totally their choice to be controlled by their high tech toys and trade sleep for a few more e-mails. I doubt any of us will wish on our deathbed that we had spent more time at the office or stayed up till 1 am responding to e-mails.

The Difficult We Do Immediately but the Impossible Takes a Little Longer!

Today I remember and celebrate my dad’s life! He turns 84 in heaven, if they keep track of age or birthdays in the celestial kingdom. I know it has taken me a long time to see the real picture of Ed Bennett. I recently attended a funeral of an older friend who I had worked with in a church setting close to 30 years ago. What struck me at his life celebration is how easy it is to be around someone and not necessarily know them in a real life context. I know that could also be true of my dad. He lived a troubled childhood because of his parent’s divorce which left him on the outside of two families.

It wasn’t until after my mom’s death after a long bout with cancer that I heard the rest of the story about many of dad’s experiences in life. I know that all families have their little secrets that can taint the family name or legacy. I seldom ever remember my dad complaining about anything. He was always positive and willing to face any obstacle that came before him. It wasn’t until after my dad had lived around us a few years that a close friend of his from the Air Force paid us a visit. It was during breakfast at Coco’s that I heard my dad’s friend share his journey and how my dad had influenced his life to such an extent that he went from being ready to drop out of his Air Force career to someone that excelled.

I could see that this wasn’t easy for Bill, my dad’s friend, to share his life story about being discouraged and ready to quit. My dad at this juncture of his dementia couldn’t do much of anything but just listen. I’m the one that benefited from Bill’s choice to come for a visit and share family history. As Bill unfolded a few of my dad’s sayings, which he had obviously penned 30 years ago, it struck me how influential my dad had been on many. I had never heard any of these saying before but Bill spoke these out in a fashion that it was clear he had lived by them since he met my dad as a young Lieutenant. My dad was always someone who didn’t allow fear of failure to ever stop him. He had told Bill that the difficult they do immediately but the impossible will take a few days to finish.

It wasn’t until after our breakfast time together that Bill very graciously put together his our thoughts about my dad on paper. I was brought to tears as I realized what type of man my dad had been in the Air Force. It was clear that many looked up to him and he wasn’t afraid of the military machine! As I reflect on my dad’s care taking of my mom over a decade as she faced the effect of cancer it became even clearer that he practically understood what it meant to face the impossible. He watched his lady struggle with life over 10 years of their lives together. He never quit or gave up but was always ready to face a new day with a smile and an attitude of making life better regardless of the circumstances.

As I honor my dad for his life, serving his country for 20 years and being my dad from day one I can’t forget the last month I had with him and how he would always smile regardless of pain or frustration with his memory loss. He would always tell me that he loved me and appreciated getting out from his home at Clare Bridge. I had a total surprise when one of my interns, that had visited my dad often, sent me a picture of her playing bingo with my dad with the strangest of smiles. He was having a blast and my intern had someone else snap a picture of her and dad. I have cried often today as I reflect on my life and how richer it is because of a man who was willing to do the difficult without complaining and then tackle head on the impossible!

Ontological Query?

What should be the important questions or queries you pursue in life? I have spent a good portion of my life living my passion and have the privilege of that also being my career. I know that not everyone is fortunate to have a job that they love so as someone posted recently I haven’t worked in three years, referring to the fact that their job isn’t work. I love the study of philosophy or the reflection of what is the essence of life in today’s world. So I get jazzed to see someone post the following questions, who am I, who is important, what do I need to know, what do I want to do and why do I exist? (Thanks to Brooke Allen for writing his article, ‘Want to be an entrepreneur? First ask yourself these five questions.)

As I get older and a little bit more experienced in life I question why I have spent a good portion of my life attempting to please somebody else or follow the latest fad in my life focus? It is so easy to believe that the latest post on LinkedIn or whatever ultimately defines life or gives me that boost to discover my passion. The passing of my dad and attending the funeral of a family friend has brought to the forefront in my life what really matters in life? What will my family and friends say about me after I’m gone? I’m so thrilled that he pursued his passion in life to the exclusion of family or close friends? So I applaud the post that asks what are the most important questions in life regardless of whether you are a self-starter or entrepreneur or just someone who is average in life but understands what it means to do ordinary things in an extra-ordinary way.

When was the last time you saw a blog or post that has been highlighted that asked the age old question, ‘Why do I exist?’ I know that the pursuit of understanding life or as I stated in my title what is your ontological query must be addressed more and more? So questions that go back to the beginning I believe help define who you are and empowers you to become your best. So why am I here? What is my purpose in existing? What really matters the most in my life? Why do I pursue things that ultimately leave me frustrated, empty or not satisfied?

I know that self-discovery is a huge part of everyone’s life journey. As I look back at my life it is easy to see how I have been slow at pursuing my real passion until the last 10 years of my life. I have lived close to my passion but have allowed others around me to define who I’m without being more honest and reflective about what makes me tick. It is easy to say don’t work at a job that you hate but what if you aren’t able to get a job that is your passion in life? What if your passion in life doesn’t provide the means to live a normal life? How do I learn how to balance my work life, which I have to do each day with what makes me tick? It is easy for those that have the means to live without working to judge those that live the average life or make them feel a lesser person.

My hope is to help myself first to live my passion and not be ashamed to tell others. I want to be a catalyst that can empower others to discover that life is worth living and that experiencing the power of God’s transforming grace and love is the beginning of being able to answer the important life question.