My Four Amigos

One of the advantages of working in the same neighborhood over a period of 8 years is that you see a lot of change. Hopefully this is all for the good even though at times ‘stuff’ happens. I’ve had a ‘blast’ watching my four guys, Matt, Chalino, Sammy and Stick-Boy grow-up. I can remember when all of the guys were actually shorter than my wife who is less than five feet unless she wears heels. These guys have now all aged significantly and are taking their separate paths in life. Last night helped me see the reward from my perspective of being there for my 4 amigos that are true friends.

One of the amigos, Matt, had recently just finished a HVAC program at a local trade school and was graduating. Matt isn’t known for his timeliness so I received a text in the morning the day of his graduation. I knew that he would at some point be walking or graduating for his trade school. He had taken a month longer to finish because one of the sections was much more difficult than expected. What made this joyous occasion special is the relationship we have with his mom, dad and sister. We were invited out for dinner with them at our favorite Chinese Buffet! It was amazing thinking back to some of the ‘stuff’ that my 4 amigos had put me through over the years.

I can think back to an incident that was four years ago where a couple of my amigos had played a prank on one of the teen gals that had pushed her over the edge. The guys had taken her cell phone and hid it. So after the complaint of the gal we had to actually frisk everyone to search for the missing phone. It didn’t appear so on the lead of another teen I ended up asking 2 of my amigos about the phone. They finally fessed up about it and the gal was calming back down to normal. It was another situation that had happened a few weeks before that was the bigger concern.

I had to confront one of the amigos about an iPod that had been taken from one of the adults who had helped out with the Slide Rock Trip. This was a rather difficult push for me because I didn’t have evidence that was first hand for me but just someone that snitched. So I ended up getting into this teens ‘face’ a little and eventually talked to his parents. This wasn’t the happiest moment of my life but I had to do it. The end result was that the teen avoided his parents for a few hours after I had talked with them but eventually made his way home and got the parental scolding.

Yeah, I was really frustrated that someone I thought I could trust had actually done something crazy with an adult who I really liked. I fully expected this adult to stop helping and disappear from our group. Yet, she didn’t and if anything continued with the same passion and interest in helping transform the lives of our teens. I could fast forward and another one of the amigos did something real serious, like borrow my truck and crunch it.  This unfolded into a couple day nightmare because this happened while we were away. This caused a lot more trouble in my life because of having to deal with insurance, getting another truck and then relating back to parents again. I’m still a little numb over what happened and the obvious questions as to why?

I could tell a lot of more crazy stories about my 4 amigos but the point is that as time has passed the guys are actually growing up. All of them have jobs, 2 have graduated from high school, the other 2 will graduate soon and all of them have become responsible tax paying citizens. I have had the privilege of helping one of the amigos actually get his dreamer card so he can work. All of the amigos had helped this last week with one of our larger community projects that saw 300 volunteers paint 9 houses of senior citizens. I was blessed to have one of the amigos help me a couple of mornings pick up paint and deliver supplies. Another 2 amigos actually got up early the day of the project and assisted with setting up each of the painting sites.

As I texted one of the amigos earlier today to say it was cool hanging out last night he quickly texted back ‘the same’! I know that my amigos will discover their life passion and at some point getting married and have kids. I look forward to the day that I can be an abuelo with all of them. I know that crazy stuff happens and at times pushes us over the edge and we might at times doubt whether all of the work and relationship building is worth it but it is!

I hope everyone can find their special amigos to help, walk with and watch grow up. This is one of the most rewarding experiences in my life!

Smile! Brighten Up the World!

I am always amazed at how something as simple as a smile even from a stranger will make your day! Today I finished picking up all of the left over supplies from our painting blitz from over the weekend. We were blessed to have 300 volunteers paint the homes of 9 seniors! One of the great benefits for me is that I get to know each of these individuals in a special way.

Today I dropped by a senior center at the local community center to hand out some of the thank you flyers from the painting blitz. A few of the ladies from the center had their houses painted. I was taken back by the lovely smile of Bernice one of my new painting grandmas. She was so thrilled to have her house painted. I was excited being able to give her a hug and listen to her glowing report from the project on Saturday. She had been struggling with poor health over the last few months. Her smile made me smile.

Next I saw one of my other painting grandmas, Mary or I should say Maria who is loco according to herself. She is such a treat to be around because her smile is infectious! She is truly the life of the party type of grandma. I was impressed by her quickness to speak to all of her friends in the center about the painting blitz and how her group transformed her house and do lots of cleanup around her backyard.

It’s always refreshing to be walking down the street and have someone go out of their way to get your attention and then give you a big smile. It makes my day go so much better. Much as I always try to get other people’s attention so they will smile back. I know that it is so easy at times to let circumstances rob you of your joy and smile.

My mom would always remind me that it took way more energy and muscles to frown instead of smiling! So why always go around with this sourpuss expression on your face looking like death warmed over. She would be the one to remind me that a smile will win you friends and influence circumstances in your favor. It isn’t easy to not allow the world around us to rob us of our smile. So I like to play this game where I want to be the first one in a crowd walking down the street to smile and get everyone’s attention. My mom again would be quick to remind me that a smile and a quick hello will help someone’s bad day turn into a great day!

So let your smile change the day for those around you that otherwise would have a blah day!

Is Having a Soft Heart a Sign of Weakness or Courage?

As I get older it becomes more difficult not to be cynical and assume the worse. The governor of Missouri decided to declare a state of emergency before the Grand Jury delivers a verdict about whether there will be an indictment. I just walked out of a small court room after having an order against me dismissed that was filed by someone that it would be so easy to hold a grudge against. Yet, I’m constantly reminded that it is the one with a heart that ends up impacting a person who is struggling and see a family turn the corner and provide hope for a better tomorrow and an awesome future.

The challenge in most settings is that having a soft heart is perceived as a major flaw. I know that working with guys, regardless of age, it is very difficult to show any sign of weakness or admit to the fact that you actually care about someone who has been hurt. Imagine what would happen in the business community if we were able to be vulnerable and more able to admit to our shortcomings? Think of how much time and heartache would be alleviated if we stopped the blame game and instead got right to the truth.

What causes us men to be so afraid of opening up, being honest and transparent? Why does the myth of success stop us from admitting to our present failures and frustrations? Aren’t there enough quotes out there that show everyone experiences failure and frustration?  Shouldn’t these experiences become our pathway to learning and ultimately figuring out what works? It is so easy to get upset, kick the door or scream at someone and walk away mad instead of learning from messing up.

My wife loves to remind me that I need to guard my heart and not allow circumstances to turn me into a ‘crusty’ old man that always assumes the worse and breeds a spirit of pessimism. So how do I find a heart for myself and those around me that are struggling in life? I know that too often corporate and military leaders are portrayed as having to be clinical and heartless in their decisions that impact the larger majority. Yet, the reality is that most people today do have a heart for helping and making a difference in the life of someone who doesn’t have it together or is going through some trauma.

I know that it takes courage to face the impact that living in a cruel world has on those who aren’t able to help themselves. Courage is being an advocate for someone that isn’t able to defend himself or herself or make their lives better.  It does seem odd that purposely showing your weakness can either bring out the wolves that are in for the kill or the shepherd types that want to round up the lost sheep. So what determines whether you have a soft or hardened heart?

It has a lot to do with whom you choose to be around! Imagine what happens to someone when they are with negative people who are always putting those that are different down? Imagine what happens to a person that has been totally destroyed by ongoing bullying when another person stands up on their behalf and pushes the bully away? Do you think that this will influence the one who has been bullied to rethink their choice to stand up for themselves or at least get help? What about the bully who all of a sudden has been put in their place? Is it possible for them to have a change of heart?

It’s true that I can only change my heart and not assume that the problem is always out there and that my spouse, kids or friends are the ones who need to desperately change. I know that I have been so influenced by friends who are humble enough to help those in great need without wanting to get credit or attention. So it is possible I believe to have a soft heart that is courageous enough to stand up against the evil and injustice in our day. So it’s ok to be a softie on occasion!

Team Work Rocks!

Yesterday I had the privilege of overseeing 600 hands literally transform 9 houses in about 2 hours. I’m blessed with many friends and partner organizations that have a heart for seniors and those in tough circumstances. I’ve said this a few times that painting a house isn’t going to change a person’s life but it gives you a sense of hope and a feeling of being loved in many cases by strangers. It took a couple of month’s worth of work on my end to organize the painting blitz. It was a small team of helpers that got up yesterday at 5am to set up the 9 houses so our 300 volunteers could rock the neighborhood that made my day rock!

It is so easy in today’s high tech world to truly believe that one person is capable of doing everything on his or her own without much help from anyone else. I could easily be this type of person. This is a confession on my part that I would rather get something done in a timely fashion the right way then have to go back and fix a mess up by someone that didn’t take pride in what they did. I was humbled by the enthusiasm of the different groups that made up yesterday’s painting blitz. I have so many incredible friends that are able to step up and make something happen!

One of the houses we painted had a jungle in the backyard, literally weeds, bushes and trees that hadn’t been touched in years. It was amazing to see 10 people whacking, chopping and bagging everything. It took over 2 hours to attack the yard but in the end it was totally transformed. Most groups that could have helped might have taken one look at the yard and focused on painting. Yes, we are only supposed to paint not rise to the occasion and use a heart for helping. Yet, my friends from this IT and video company gave their all. It was so evident in the end result. The house looked incredible and the backyard was actually usable!

I admit that it is very difficult for an aging baby boomer type like myself to be good at delegating. It is difficult in life to trust someone else with your work. I do take pride in doing neighborhood work and what the best outcome will be with no exceptions. So when we do a large project like yesterday it is literally impossible to be 9 places at once. So I have to trust my leaders at each project and let a few others learn by jumping into the fray. The result yesterday was that 7 grandmas and 2 grandpas had their lives touched by 600 hands.

The result of teamwork is a huge sense of pride and accomplishment that is contagious. I was humbled to see the look on all of the senior’s faces as we finished and then handed them Bibles that had been signed by all of the volunteers. I end up looking like the neighborhood hero but it really was the 300 friends that made a commitment to get up early on a Saturday and devote themselves to making a difference. All of the groups stepped up and took control of their house and did what needed to be done without anyone pushing them or forcing them.

I know that the 100 plus that were first time volunteers yesterday left with a sense of WOW. Look at what can be accomplished in a couple of hours when everyone pitches in and gives their all. I also know that the impact that these 600 hands made on my grandmas and grandpas is priceless. One of my grandpas had recently lost his wife and was declining over the last 6 months. Sad to say he passed before we painted his house. Yet, his family knows the love and effort that went into transforming their mom and dad’s little house.

My mom would always tell me that 2 pairs of hands are always better than 1 pair and that 3 pairs of hands could do even more. So what’s stopping us from being better at doing a team effort with most things we face in life? I think too often we are in a rush to get done and are afraid to ask for help. Yes, when you open your mouth and ask a friend or neighbor to help they will usually say YES. So what will it be 2 hands by yourself or many hands that can get immensely more done in a fraction of time?

Old Age Rocks!!

This morning I had the privilege of being around a few grandmas who were totally crazy and hysterically funny. So often I get this sense that once you are 50 or older that life comes to a screeching halt. I want to brag on my grandmas and break this false notion that getting old ‘sucks’! A few weeks ago my father in-law, who is almost 90, broke his foot while doing a Segway tour of San Diego with his oldest son. It isn’t funny that Paul had a fall but the context around it happens to be enlightening. Why would someone almost 90 decide to go on a cruise and finish it with a Segway ride? What’s more amazing is that my father in-law had decided for his 86^th birthday that he would jump out of an airplane. He had been put to shame by one of the other residents at his senior complex that had parachuted three times and she was turning 90.

I agree that at times I’m more apt to feel the pain when I exert myself now that I’m 61 then when I was in my 20’s or 30’s. The reality for me is that I ran my first marathon at 50 and did fairly well for an old guy. What humbled me was during a hike up a 14,000-foot peak there was a 70-year-old gentleman who was actually running while I was gasping for my breath. Clearly he is a highlander and does this all of the time. Yet, much like my father in-law inspires me to keep going this gentleman did the same thing. It is so easy to quit when you are running a marathon or doing a summit type hike.

What I love about being around seniors is that they don’t have anything to hide about their present life. It is always so hilarious to listen to some of my grandmas complain about the silliest things. Yet, what is impressive is that they choose to keep going and not succumb to being couch potatoes! One of the sadder moments this week was discovering that one of the grandpas whose house we are going to paint this weekend is in Hospice dying. I will remember my last visit with him when he was showing off his Pit-bull puppy. His wife had died recently and I know he was going through some adjustment living alone.

I can remember as a teen in the 60’s not wanting to trust anyone that was older than 20. Now I have to do a quick retake on seeing that the people that are most trustworthy are those who have been around the block many times and understand firsthand the ups and downs of life. It’s refreshing to be around someone that doesn’t have to prove themselves or be competitive in the wrong way. I do expect my father in-law to jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet for his 90^th. The question I have to face is whether I will do it for my 62^nd birthday.

Old age is a fact of life. How we choose to live is a daily opportunity to prove that seniors rock and can be more interesting and exciting then the kids or youngings!