David & Goliath or Goliath & David?

Do you ever catch yourself trying to be someone else and failing miserably? How was it possible for this rather small-inexperienced warrior – shepherd boy to kill the giant warrior god Goliath? What would have happened that day when Jesse called for his son the shepherd boy to put on the gigantic armor and attempt to use a sword and shield that were way too big? Clearly the story of David and Goliath would never have become the classic meta-narrative! David would have been killed in minutes and the Israelites might have been destroyed that day.

Instead history has become dotted with David stories of someone who chooses to live their lives their way and purposely not try to be someone they aren’t. David’s skill and expertise didn’t have anything to do with swords or shields but with smooth rocks and a slingshot. Incredible how much practice David the shepherd boy had over the years protecting his father’s flock. He was the skilled marksman who could see the weakness in the giant while the giant’s blindness to his own weakness became his demise!

How often does the exaggeration of our strengths become the blindside to our weaknesses that will bring us down? The sad fact is that too often our strengths become our deadliest enemies in life. The massive Goliath assumed that this tiny little shepherd boy could never touch him. The giant roared with laughter at David until he felt this stone strategically placed knock him out. It was after this bull’s eye that the young shepherd boy took the bigger than life sword and proceeded to chop the giant down to size. This story has inspired millions over the centuries.

The question is whether we will step back and realize that we need to stop copying the giants around us and be content with being that shepherd boy or normal person with extraordinary potential? Fathom the talk that day when the giant fell at the stone of the tiny shepherd boy? Goliath’s team discovered that they weren’t invincible and the brothers of David realized that the little guy was actually a giant!

I know that many struggle with loving themselves and discovering their calling or skillset in life. It’s important to dream, volunteer, experiment with vocational and career choices. I’m privileged to be able to do what I love and actually get paid for doing it. So stop trying to be a Goliath and see that it’s the Davids in life that will change the course of history!

Common Sense and Courtesy?

When was the last time you listened to the rant before you reacted? What would happen if you actually thought about what you were going to text before you sent it? Imagine what would happen if we were slower to criticize and instead looked for something good to say or choose to be silent! What’s even more unfathomable would be to forgive someone instead of praying that God would fix them assuming that they are the problem and not you or me!

Yesterday I had one of those oops moments. We were in the middle of prepping a house for our painting blitz. I was trimming some overgrown shrubs with thorns when I realized I was about to slice a cable. I quickly pulled back and then realized it was too late. I heard this rather interesting sound from the old big screen T.V. that went from a program to static. The grandma whose house we are going to paint actually did something that impressed me! Very different from the teen who helped and decided to make fun of me and post some off the wall pic of me purposely cutting the cable. She asked me to post something on Facebook and then say LOL!

Imagine what would happen if most people in the midst of silly dumb circumstances would do this LOL instead of picking a fight? My grandma is someone who is always under a lot of stress because of her wild grandsons. I so much want to help her and be a real friend. So I was embarrassed when I had this ‘brain fart’ moment and sliced the cable. The good news was that the cable was still going to the other rooms in the house. I will see her again today and say that LOL isn’t going to fix her cable. I will pay for my mishap and get the cable restored.

As I am writing this post at my Starbucks I overhear two ladies who are complaining about social media and how to control their kid’s use of their phones. Clearly this was something a little beyond their abilities and the fallout was that something might be said on their behalf that wasn’t their choice. I wonder whether some of their friends who also might be techno challenged would do LOL or get upset and text back all in CAPS?

Common courtesy is something that seems to be missing in the DNA makeup of some in the present millennial generation that surrounds me. I watched my grandma whose cable I had sliced end up cleaning up the trimming pile from our shrub work. She had hoped that her wayward grandsons would actually do something instead of making the assumption that she would do it.

Sometimes it takes a mishap to force us to rethink how we approach our view of someone else and make the proactive choice not to react, say something nice instead and choose not to post something on Facebook that shames a friend. As my grandma friend would now say learn to laugh at yourself and the circumstances around you and post LOL!

Life is messy – get use to it!

Yes bad things happen to good people and on occasion good people do bad things! My mom would always tell me not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Yet, the reality is that we are much more into making little messes into big messes! I had a friend post this morning a picture of his fancy coffee machine with a large mound of grounds all around it. Does this equate to having a bad day or just don’t cry over your spilled coffee mess? Obviously he forgot to empty out his grounds from the day before so the fancy coffee machine was innocent!

Last night I watched a miracle unfold before my eyes! A young mom whose battery died and needed help approached me. She knew who I was and assumed that I would help her. I got one of my interns to get out her jumper cables and proceeded to get another car to assist in resurrecting her battery. It was only minutes later that her son was slugging it out with one of my little guys. My little guy’s twin jumped into the fray and then all of a sudden it turned into a family brawl with sister also getting into it.

I caught myself watching from a distance then quickly made it over to the fight, which now was in the breakup phase. The one twin who had been in the middle of it for some reason decided to disappear. I quickly found him and brought him back to help diffuse a mess, especially if the mom got into with him and his extended family. The amazing thing was that the mom and another mom stepped in but instead of creating a huge mess they actually diffused it. Instead of the blame game it was a lesson on how to stop something not great from turning into something really bad.

I laughed as the day finished up thinking what could have transpired with a couple of moms fighting with the sister of the twins and then the rec center staff would have to call the police. Instead a great life lesson was learned by all to not allow tempers to get out of control and to clearly ask for help before someone got hurt. Yes it’s so easy to turn a little mess into a brawl and end up regretting something that truly was spilled milk that wasn’t worth wasting time over!

Yes life is messy and it’s up to you to decide whether this morning’s coffee ground mess is a big enough headache to allow it to ruin your day! Go to Starbucks instead and get your cup of Pike blend my friend!

White privilege is the cause of last week’s rioting?

Whatever happened to individual responsibility for your actions and choices in life? Why do we continue to judge someone according to their skin color? Didn’t Dr. King specifically challenge us to judge someone not according to their skin color but by their conduct and character? A Professor from Vanderbilt made the following statement in the Tennessean, White people act “routinely to harm, demean, and damage black and brown people.” These actions “explain the lofty levels of frustration and despair among black and brown youth.” Professor Tony Brown, who is Black, blames the unrest and ongoing rioting on ‘White Privilege’.

I’m not going to debate whether ‘White Privilege’ really is the cause of ongoing Black poverty or is more an academic attempt to shift responsibility away from an individual and to racism. I would rather talk about social economic privilege that transcends culture and race. It’s because someone is born into a family that has two parents, who both have a moral foundation, choose to be learners, doers, givers and empower their children to become self-sustaining adults that have a clear advantage over those who grow up in brokenness.  

It’s time to stop using racism or what I call reverse racism, Professor Brown’s talk, as the cause of all the ills around us. If I choose to steal or shoot someone I alone am responsible for my actions whether I’m a White, Black, Brown, Yellow or Red. I was born into a family where both of my parents are from St. Louis, MO where they experienced racism firsthand as kids growing up in working class poor families. My dad, who is my hero, raised me as someone who always looked at a person’s conduct and character as the true basis for my friendship and not their color. My father who was a byproduct of a broken home choose without parental support to finish high school, go to college on a scholarship and join the Air Force. He never once made excuses about his step dad’s hatred and resentment of him as a reason to not pursue excellence.

I agree that the path to overcoming racism has everything to do with changing your perception of different people groups by intentionally making friends of different socio-economic and racial groups. I agree with Professor Brown that all of us live typically in homogeneous neighborhoods, send our kids to schools that reflect our background and choose church based more upon our background then anything else.  The journey to racial reconciliation is for everyone to increase their circle of friends, be more adventurous about where we shop, eat and worship. What would happen if this Professor chooses to live in the marginalized neighborhood in Nashville and give a portion of his salary as a tenured professor to help empower the disadvantaged youth that potentially could get a scholarship to Vanderbilt instead of becoming a statistic?

I have spent the last decade of my life intentionally living in a marginalized neighborhood where I’m the minority. I have experienced first hand the ‘plight’ of disadvantaged youth who grow up with no dads or dads in prison, moms who are substance abusers and very little reason to try when they know no one really cares.

My passion is to not make excuses for behavior but give kids and teens an opportunity to make better life choices by not blaming anyone but themselves for their present life choices. Is there any simple path to resolve the causes for the rioting, looting or police actions in Baltimore or anywhere? Clearly there is a history on all sides that have created the present culture of fear and racism. Change can happens with one person at a time choosing to think before they say something that would incite more racial tensions. Instead let’s become people, who are open to pursue racial reconciliation by judging less, understand how my choices might hurt someone without me knowing it and to open our eyes to see that racism still exists.

Yes, I’m privileged to have had a mom and dad who loved me unconditionally and raised me to show respect to all people regardless of age, socio-economics, race or religion.

Ghetto Kid!

I’m always amazed at what I learn from my kids and teens when it comes to their living in a diverse community that has been impacted by brokenness in their families. Last night we were hanging out at a local park with a group of Hispanic and African American kids and teens. It’s starting to get hot so we had cold water, Capri Suns and popsicles for treats. I laughed when I heard one of my more shy and timid African American kids scream at another kid who was trying to get seconds. I hear this loud, ‘Ghetto Black Kid!’, come out of my Demori’s mouth. The other kid in question clearly reacted to being called Ghetto and was quick to defend himself when it came to taking more than one popsicle.

What struck me in the midst of the racial war unfolding in Baltimore where clearly there is a disconnect between White and Black culture understanding is how my little friend was so quick to label this kid as Ghetto or specifically Black Ghetto. Clearly my little friend understands in our neighborhood that Ghetto refers to a lifestyle choice where you are quick to take advantage of someone, steel if you can get away with it and not be too quick to say thank you or apologize if you get caught.  My little friend was really protecting me and speaking up to show concern for the actions of this neighborhood kid that was taking advantage of our generosity.

If I had screamed out hey you ‘Black Ghetto Kid’ get away from the ice chest I would have been considered a racist and a mean ‘White Guy’! The difficulty is that it is too easy to make excuses on behalf of those that are breaking the law or the ‘Ghetto Code’. I error too often by thinking ‘poor’ little kid he doesn’t have a dad, never gets much attention, help or any type of enjoyment in life. My little friend was offended by the actions of this little kid. He was really standing up for himself to say don’t do this because you make me and other Black kids or teens look bad!

What would my little friend say about what recently happened in Baltimore with the police’s unlawful treatment of Freddie Gray and his untimely death? I think he would be quick to say why are the police acting so Ghetto? Just as he would surely be embarrassed with all of the looting, rioting and violence by his fellow African Americans. He clearly would be someone on the sidelines at the protests screaming out don’t act so ‘Ghetto’! My little friend’s simple point was do what is right and you have nothing to be shamed about! He would be quick to say this isn’t about race but about doing what is right and standing up for the truth and even opposing the evil around you such as a kid taking two popsicles!

I had another young gal in my group re-enforce in a negative fashion how not to respond to not getting your way. My little friend had bought some cookies at the dollar store and decided to share them with a friend as we were going home. The unfortunate challenge for a young gal was that my friend didn’t give them to her but to her brother. Her response was rather Ghetto, she slammed the van door and ran off in a rage. Clearly in her mind there had been an injustice and she deserved to get the cookies. I scolded her about her bad attitude and choice of slamming the door.

What would happen if we started listening more to the voices around us like my little friend? I’m learning so much about values and culture from my little friend to speak the truth and not be afraid of the fallout.