What makes a leader great?

Great leaders don’t set out to be leaders or consumed with having a following but instead are people that truly care about others. Their passion is to make a real difference in the world around them. The difficulty today is that we confuse celebs, sport icons and political grandstanders with being leaders. They might have a following but that seldom equates to someone that is willing to sacrifice himself or herself for the sake of the average person.

I know that too often the leadership paradigm that’s lifted up as being genuine involves too much focus on the individual instead of the impact they have made through their partnerships in the greater community. Leadership should be all about investing in both young and old! It should be about seeing others grow and attain their goals instead of being driven by what credit you get for your accomplishments.

Usually transparency and vulnerability are viewed as weaknesses in the high-powered leadership circles of today. Yet, I believe the true sign of a leader that will bring impact to the world of your average and normal person is humility. It’s the person who is willing to take more of the blame and is more interested in helping instead of being right at the expense of others.  I know as a parent it’s too easy to be right, win a personal battle but lose a relationship with your spouse, son or daughter.

What is going to change the world around us isn’t the person upfront who is the gifted speaker but the average person who chooses to do the ordinary in an extraordinary fashion! You don’t have to give a TED talk or have your own YouTube following to see the world around you change and improve. Think back to the person that let you pull into busy traffic, the person that held the door open for you with your hands full or the neighbor that gladly picked up some of the trash that was blowing in the wind that landed in your front yard.

Real leaders don’t care about being great or receiving credit but are more passionate in seeing their family, friends and potential new friends have a better day and the best life possible!

Patience is more than just putting up!

I always chuckle when someone goes out of their way to tell me how patient I must be when it comes to hanging out with a bunch of kids and teens that come out of the hood – barrio. I confess to being a type A guy that is learning to relate to kids and adults that have a tough time sitting still and focusing. I usually smile back and say yeap they’re my family I don’t really have a choice or I really mean I choose to be patient with a purpose! I admit that being someone who too often is a clock-watcher it’s difficult to hang around family or friends that are always late. This is definitely where my patience is tested and I’m forced to step back, take a deep breath and realize the worst thing that could happen is that I’m 15 minutes later than planned. So what’s the big deal? Why have a melt down? Why pick a fight?

What’s more important building and feeding a relationship or beating someone up for a few minutes? I confess that if I’m meeting with someone I will wait at least 15 minutes before I do a polite text to see if they are still coming. If it’s someone I really want to see then I might wait 30 minutes before I leave and then wait to see whether they eventually text or e-mail me about what happened. Ultimately my choice to wait, be patient has everything to do with building a positive relationship with that potential friend, family member, business associate or church bud.

The opportunity is to help others by your choice to be patient with a purpose and just not be putting up with someone to act as if you are better then them because you are a clock watcher or have more experience in life. Time is totally a cultural ‘thing’ where coming to a party or family gathering early might be disappointing when you leave after an hour to discover that the family showed up a couple hours after you left. Patience, persistence and perseverance help me to reconsider how I value life, relationships, goals and my ultimate purpose in life. So is it really worth it to tear into my better half because she’s 10 minutes late? Little did I know the last time I felt a little up tight because of arriving at a family event that my wife had a tough day and I unfortunately was clueless because of my own navel gazing!

I totally agree that having a good attitude is going to impact my day and the day of those around me. Yet, unless I choose to talk about the why of being patient, persistent and the ability to persevere then there will be a tension in my relationships with people who have a different value or mindset when it comes to ‘cutting some slack’ for those who don’t fit into my skill set or goal grid. The real goal in being patient is to see myself grow in my life skills and see those especially that I love grow in their ability to discover their life passion and purpose. The flipside is that being impatient mostly pushes those I love away from me and creates a scenario where it would seem that I value my time or activities over a spouse, a son, grandparent or neighbor.

Imagine for a minute what it would have been like when your dad or mom was teaching you how to drive if the expectation was that you would past your driving test after only practicing for an hour. I know that most come unglued when asked to parallel park or actually drive on the freeway. So the ultimate goal is more about being a helper that cares about the success of the other person more than your iCalendar!

What prepares you the most for living? Winning or losing?

Is winning really everything in life? What happens to the majority of society that doesn’t win? Last night my local Baseball Team bombed their opening game. What’s difficult is that the management just spent 200 million dollars on this young pitcher who is suppose to be a WINNER. Yet, the reality is that this is just one game out of over 160 games that make the season. The question still looms whether this Zack Grienke’s thud for the opener is the kiss of death or a learning opportunity?

The final game in March Madness saw the last 4.7 seconds make the ultimate difference between the number #1 team and the 2^nd best team.  The Nova play by Villanova saw Jenkins plant himself behind the 3 point line and hit the big one for his time to go BANG and see the national championship become REAL! Does this equate into all the Villanova team ending up in the NBA and becoming millionaires?

One of my childhood heroes was Andy Griffith who had such simple wisdom and insight as the sheriff of this small town called Mayberry.  I can picture little Opie listening to his dad as he shares his life philosophy about winning and losing; “It don’t take courage to be a winner. It does take courage to be a good loser. Now, you wanna be a good loser, you’ll be proud of your friends that did win, and you’ll congratulate ‘em for it!” What a profound statement! Clearly it took a lot of practice over the year for the teams that made it to the final four to have the opportunity to be number #1. Much like this Zack Grienke must have done something to warrant the D-Backs to give him everything with the hope of having a winning season.

I truly believe that becoming a gracious loser who is able to see the bigger picture is one of the most important life lessons to keep learning! I’m around too many that make winning so important that when their son loses, regardless of being 5 or 15, that the dad spends more time berating his son then loving him whether he has the best game or worst game. Life is a series of ups, downs, zigs and zags. Life should be an adventure where the outcome at times is decided in the last 4.7 seconds and clearly both teams deserved to be at the playoffs but the reality is that all the players ultimately are winners!

My mom would always remind me that it was my response to winning and losing that made me either a winner or loser. I’ll never forget a Little League playoff game in Montana where I was the pitcher and got my time into a huge hole. (I must have been 12 years old.) We were behind I think by 5 runs. Over the next 2 innings their pitcher imploded and my team was able to hit 5 home runs and win the game. Did this game make or break the future of these pre-teens? Clearly not and my only memory was that I was a lousy pitcher under pressure but I did help win the game with 3 home runs!

As I watch my grandson being raised in a world where sports can be more important that life itself I want to be better at modeling that what’s more important is how you treat the person who lost. So losing I believe will prepare you for real life where babies cry too much, people get fired for the wrong reasons and sadly at times people die from cancer. Losing shouldn’t push you to win at any cost but to see the opportunity to love those that shouldn’t be playing baseball or soccer but are doing it for their dad or mom J

Why is there continued violence in the world?

Just as the world was catching it’s breath after the last terrorist attack there is an Easter Day massacre of innocent little kids, moms and grandparents at a park in Lahore, Pakistan. WHY? What does the ongoing violence accomplish? Is there some point to the killing and display of lack of respect for all life?

I was listening to a talk radio show where the host made an interesting point about why the incident in Pakistan hadn’t received as much media attention as the attacks in Paris or Brussels recently. His point, which is truly tragic, is that as Americans we can relate rather well to our European allies but when it comes to people and places that are different from us we are less likely to mourn or be as upset.

A week ago there was a primary election in our state that saw the unfortunate miscalculation of the State Recorder when it came to how many polling options would be available. The news last Tuesday was that some waited as long as five hours to vote. Yes, many were distraught and upset with the why question as to how we could only have 60 polling places open for the 5^th largest city in the US. There has been picketing and a real vocal protest as to the why of what happened.  I seriously hope no one is going to get violent over this situation!

A few months ago a drug deal had gone ‘south’ and saw a cousin of a good friend end up in the morgue. Clearly the message should be don’t deal drugs nor use them, yet, the real message is when you carry a weapon with the intent to use it something could happen to you! I seriously doubt this cousin thought he would be the one that would be robbed and then shot and killed that night!

I know that the ongoing rants in the presidential race come back to how violence can so easily be provoked in such a fashion that the candidates seem to always cast blame on someone else. Why would anyone ‘sucker punch’ a stranger just because they happen to have differing views on a specific candidate or position? Yet, the reality is that it doesn’t take much for a ‘mob’ mentality to take over and someone who would have never thought that free speech also meant one could end up with a broken nose?

As I was looking for an image to use for this post I came across a graphic that had the message that prevention came back to awareness of the problem, education that then leads to prevention. I so much would hope that it would be this easy to deal with violence in today’s world. Ultimately, it comes back to the issue being a matter of your heart! How you view life and whether all lives have equal value? Yes, sadly many of us don’t value all life equally whether that is an unborn life, a handicapped person, someone from a different racial or cultural background to someone who is close to the end of their life that is living in a nursing home.

What is the heart in a man, woman, child, teen or senior? What causes someone to grow an appreciation for all live as opposed to someone who has a real hatred for a specific group of people whether that’s based upon race, religion, education or just the simple fact that someone doesn’t like the way you look? Is it possible for all people regardless of race, religion or lack of religion to share similar values about life? How is it possible for the aging Fidel Castro to blast President Obama about life matters when it’s clear that Cubans have lived under oppression for decades?

The reality is that I have a heart that is broken because of my choices in life when it comes to being someone that should value all life and have integrity as the foundation for my life. I admit that I’m selfish and at times truly believe that I’m better than others have clearly better intellect and attempt to excel at doing community service! My clear need is for my heart to experience God’s redeeming love when I understand my own personal dilemma that involves my own alienation from God and need for being forgiven and restored as someone that lives out grace and mercy. Yet, I’m so quick to judge someone else for their selfishness or narcissism instead of gazing into the mirror of my own heart.

I appreciate so much the following verse from the book of Proverbs that shows the conscious choice we must make daily to guard our hearts! Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23

Does integrity really matter anymore?

I will be the first to confess that it’s so easy to make promises and talk big but what matters isn’t what I say but what I do! I tire of people making excuses instead of doing something constructive to make a difference in the brokenness that surrounds too many people. The political banter that is filling up social media is a total waste. Just because I say I’m going to make America great doesn’t mean ‘jack’. It’s understanding another person’s life setting and acting accordingly is what potentially will make a real difference in the world around me and in my community!

I get that often in the rush to get something done and be productive many of us miss the world of the normal people around us. Honesty and truth no longer seem to matter in contrast to our position and power in life. I’m fearful that the present mindset amongst many is focused on a venom that reflects a lack of moral compass where generalizations that clearly are racist and sexist become the cultural norm. Sadly I fear for many of my Hispanic, Muslim and African American friends because of the present political banter that will illicit questionable behavior seen in someone punching a protestor to making threats on someone’s life that can ultimately see a mob mentality spread resulting in a person being murdered.

What’s really most important in life is getting 1,000’s of wows now on FB or having your latest video clip go viral on YouTube or posting a naked selfie? I clearly believe that the average person loves their family, works, cleans their house every week, attends church, pays taxes and does cares about having a moral compass and being a person of integrity. The difficulty is that the people getting the spotlight and attention are so far removed from normal life and unfortunately become the supposed norm in our great country.

My mom, who was a phenomenal person, didn’t have a college degree or a vast array of professional experience in the workplace.  She clearly raised her sons to understand that what we do in life counts and before integrity became a buzzword talked about living to the best of our ability, being honest and transparent. My mom was the real deal that would too often be frank and at times too honest but taught me that following through and being a person that keeps their word is a very important life quality! 

Yes! Integrity matters and the way this profound life message gets spread is when all of us normal people who make up our great country stop paying attention to loud mouth politicians, narcissistic celebs that have truly believe the world revolves around them! Time to discover that the way we treat the drive through cashier at our favorite fast food place actually matters. How I talk to my kids, my dog or cats will impact the world more than my last post on FB or whatever.  Thanks mom for showing me what matters most in life are family, friends, God, the workplace and an eye to help the stranger in need.