Alone?

I was horrified to hear that a young couple had left their two year old locked out of their apartment as they played Pokémon Go. What made this sad story even worse was when the Deputy Sheriff called the father whose response was rather absurd, ‘Whatever!’ as he hung up the phone on the Deputy. How is it possible in today’s culture to see young kids and teens left alone in what at times can be a hostile world?

I know that one of the most upsetting experiences in life is to not have family that care and few or no friends. I can’t fathom what went through the mind of this two year old whose life revolves around his parents who clearly don’t care. I’m around young and old who face what is for them life-threatening experiences such as going to the doctor and hearing the C word without any empathy from the physician.  What about the child who is unfairly punished because of an adult whose life is going south and takes out their anger in fits of rage on them. The end result is that someone who had hoped to have a mom, dad or relative show concern for their lives realize that they are alone.

I’m also taken back when someone has chosen to show real love for someone that has been left alone to get ongoing questions when you consider the young gymnast in Rio. It has taken the week for the media to step back and accept the fact that Simone’s parents are her grandparents who have been there from the beginning and yes they are Mom and Dad! Yet, imagine the thousands of young children who live in the Favelas close to the Olympics in Rio who are alone and dream about having anyone call them son or daughter!

I’m fortunate to have an amazing wife and family who would never allow me to live in despair and think that I was alone to face life’s ups and downs. Yet, the reality for many today is that the breakdown of our society and family unit has left too many forgotten. So it’s not that its wrong to be alone and have down time it’s when you truly believe that no one cares or is there and you sit alone in despair that’s wrong. The solution, it isn’t easy because it requires my and your participation, is to open your eyes and see those around you that are alone. The most remarkable experience in life is to show heart felt concern for another human being and see a smile and eyes light up when you purposely choose to enter into someone else’s world!

Whatever happened to please and thank you!

It’s amazing how you can have an incredible day and have a bright outlook on the world until someone ruins your day by being rude, uncaring and a jerk. So what do you allow to control your emotions? The ten great things that happen in a day or the one thing that leaves a bad taste in your mouth? Unfortunately for me I too often allow the one bad thing to overshadow the rest of my great day and the one who suffers most is my awesome wife.

I’m becoming quicker to respond to those that are rude and crude, not by attacking them but by choosing to ‘love on’ the victims of those who don’t get the importance of being thankful and expressing appreciation.  I was picking up a couple of $5 pepperoni pizzas for some little friends when I hear this customer before me DEMAND more pepper packets for his $5 pizza. I could tell as I looked at the cashier that she was taken back and was at a loss for words. So as she placed more packets into his pizza box his response wasn’t thank you but a stern look and a trite response, ‘it took you long enough!’

I had to ‘bite my tongue’ not to say something that could have erupted into a verbal match which I would have lost eventually. So instead I looked at this teen and told her a big thanks for her customer service skills. She chuckled a little as I tried to see if she was on the verge of tears. I could see how someone in her situation could have a series rude customers that would not just ruin her work day but make her feel less than human.

I know that the world at present seems on the edge of collapse as we seem to be daily confronted with the aftermath of real hatred, racism and a retaliation mindset. Most would baulk at the solution being to show kindness in return for evil? The present political scenery would seem to give the impression that the only way to overcome evil, rudeness and crudeness is by dishing out more of the same but in double doses.  So maybe I should have lashed out at the jerk that made a life or death situation out of a couple of pepper packets?

We make the daily choice as to how we respond to the circumstances around us. It’s truly tragic that social media highlights the unfortunate acts of evil to an extreme and the true heroes of our society go unnoticed and sadly their great examples are seldom noticed. Imagine what would happen if social media stopped spreading rumors, lies and gossip but instead chose to only talk and promote those that pursue the path of righteousness, grace and mercy?

Yes, today is a new day filled with great potential for great acts to rise to the top and the evil to be drowned out by the voices that are quick to say please and thank you!

Is having fun the defining factor in life?

I will admit to my hedonistic tendencies on occasion. What shocked me this last week in the midst of ongoing tragedies in the world was how most people still define success or the good life in terms of having fun or being happy. Don’t get me wrong I truly believe that God most of all wants us to honor him which ultimately means to enjoy him had his creation but this often includes suffering and facing hardship.

The challenge for most of us that live in middle class America or even in low-income setting is that the rest of the world experiences ongoing hardship that is far beyond what we can fathom! The purpose in writing is to push myself and others to understand that complaining about an order that was messed up at Starbucks isn’t the proverbial end of the world. Also being a few minutes late doesn’t have to ruin anyone’s day, yet every day I see so many road rage incidences that it’s scary when most of the world goes to bed hungry at night concerned about shelter and food for tomorrow.  

Just as we think the world has calmed back down and life is in the normal setting another terrorist attack happens or a racially charged incident happens. What’s really important in life? Is it really getting that extra shot in your morning brew, getting that promotion, finding that perfect deal on Amazon or what? This last week as we were driving to the main homeless area to hand out cold water in Phoenix there was an area blocked off with yellow tape and a parked police cruiser.  It became clear as we drove by that someone had just died. There wasn’t any news vehicle with a reporter doing a newscast for the evening news but just a van from the coroner’s office. Sadly, too often life is valued less in today’s world as we become numb to the ongoing violence that happens and then is sent across the world via social media instantly.

What has to happen for everyone to see that life is more than getting what you think is your right or actually showing kindness when it isn’t convenient or forgiving someone that doesn’t deserve it? Is world peace or peace in your neighborhood ever a real possibility? Listened last night to the police chief in Phoenix talk about the tension between looking for a serial killer vs. talking to an activist who has planned the next protest over police brutality and racial strife in our city. The challenge was that the week before there was a protest that turned crazy that required extra officer time that takes away from finding a killer at large. Yes, everyone has rights but is it possible to work together for the common good, make concessions and put aside our differences?

The world was stunned as this large truck plowed through the crowd in Nices France during their Bastille Day Celebrations killing over 80 individuals including kids.  It would almost seem as if life has been put on hold when it comes to normal everyday activities, especially world travel and the fear that your special trip could end up on the evening news. Yes, as I sit at my Starbucks writing this post I’m convicted to think less of my WANTS and consider the real needs of others who are struggling in life including the homeless lady who is sitting out front of the Starbucks.  I chuckle when I think of the sign over the freeway reacting to the latest craze to take our minds off of the world tragedies, ‘Don’t play Pokémon Go while driving!’

Imagine what the world would be like if the following mindset was at the forefront of everyone? If you wanted to be first then be willing to be last and if you wanted to be great in this life then choose to be a servant? So what defines your life; being served or being a servant?

I am HUMAN – a response to the tragedies of the last week.

This last week has left me numb when it comes to being able to understand the choices people make! How can a broken taillight end up with the death of an individual and how is it possible that a newlywed has to cope with the death of her spouse by a sniper after being married just 2 weeks? The cry of a four year-old reassuring her mommy that it will be ok when mommy knows that life will never be the same. These images continue to replay in my mind with the ultimate question as to why did this have to happen?

I’ve read a plethora of posts and articles online that attempt to address the ongoing issue with mankind when it comes to racism, hatred, mistrust, fear and the inability of not allowing our differences to become a motive for doing evil to one another. The voices that ring out in my mind today don’t come from a journalist, police chief or pastor but a kid and a teen! Yes, it’s possible to learn from one another if we choose to have an open mind and ears to listen.

It was during an art class that this precious little 6 year-old gal, Joi, drew a simple picture that has helped me cope. Joi very quickly drew a rainbow on one side of a paper and then on the other side a hand with 5 fingers hitting another hand. We had asked a few of the kids and teens to share their stories through art. Little Joi quickly volunteered to share her story and simply said that when she is sad she thinks of a rainbow and what it represents to her. When she is happy and life is going well she thinks of doing a high five to express her joy!

Just as powerful during our art presentations was that of a 14 year-old who has experienced prejudice, hatred and racism. She drew a picture of herself and a few of the names that she has been called, nigger, monkey, slave….. and on the bottom of her picture states ‘I am HUMAN!’ Those of us in the room were overwhelmed at the powerful expression our Carly had made about the present plight of many. I was left speechless and hurt that I had contributed a little to her sense of being less than human because of my personal biases, practices or unwillingness to speak out more.

As I read an article about the Dallas Police Chief who personally had experienced the loss of a son, brother and close working associate through violence that I could hear his plea.  His cry to his fellow humans is to transcend race, politics, religion and see the opportunity to learn from the unfortunate tragedies that shouldn’t have happened. A clear cry that violence never solves anything and that for many the numbness of the last week won’t go away too soon. 

Yet, there is hope that tomorrow can be better if I’m willing to look into my own heart and deal with my own feelings that either lead to saying something I’ll regret or being slower to react and instead learn from the voices of the kids around me. Today I’ll picture the image of a rainbow after the rains have come and freshness of the air while my little friend high 5’s me!

3 easy steps to becoming a hater.

What has happened to the world around us where instead of assuming the best of a person we automatically believe that they are the incarnation of evil? Racism, nationalism, sexism, fear of someone different seems to be what controls our thinking and ultimate life choices. So here are three easy steps to continue down the path of becoming a hater and make the false assumption that only you get it right about life. You should be running for president instead because only you know how to put the pieces of the world puzzle back together.

Step 1 - Assume that you are the only person that is capable of critical thinking. So you automatically doubt everything you hear and instead of analyzing, weighing and careful consideration you put someone down because what they have said or acted out is different from your personal preference in life. You truly believe that anyone that has a different personal preference from you must be brain dead or crazy.

Step 2 - What ever happened to WYSIWYG? Remember how one of the biggest challenges in the beginning phase of software development was making sure that what you saw on the screen was what actually printed out? Is it possible to see something and not really see what is there? I was taught as a kid growing up to always give someone a second or third opportunity to show me their true colors. Yet, too often today when I see something that seems to be different from my personal paradigm means it must equate to that person being evil, a nonperson or someone that I automatically discredit. 

Step 3 - I don’t know about you but I find myself too often sensing that most people assume what they hear spoken out on the Internet whether that is on YouTube, a TED lecture or the latest podcast must be true. I’m the one that truly believes that I could have said it better. Why wasn’t I asked to give the TED talk or why hasn’t my YouTube posts gone viral? I’m too quick to judge someone because of their success or more honest admission to my being jealous of that person. How is it possible for the voice of one to push a crowd into becoming a mob that overturns a police car and intentionally injures a stranger?

It’s tragic that the media and our culture is so quick to fixate on the bad ‘stuff’ that is happening around us to such an extent that we are drawn into being haters with little thought of the consequence and reasoning behind our actions. Riots seem to be commonplace regardless of the country or governmental rule. It scares me to think that people are so quick to hurt someone over a political candidate or make the assumption that different religious, racial or cultural backgrounds automatically equates to not being able to trust that person or their family.

The challenge today is that the topic of human dignity and human rights falls on deaf ears because the mega corporations or nations don’t show any practical value of the individual because what matters most is sadly the bottom line. So how does a hater transition themselves into becoming someone that sees value in all people even with those that they adamantly disagree with their values? I know that it’s so easy to be a racist and assume that my skin color is what defines the value of a person! Educations also can makes the ultimate dividing line between people with degrees being of higher quality and value than High School dropouts. All faith groups or anti-faith groups have some heretics or extremists that do things that shame the rest of us. So do we automatically ban all religious groups from entering into our communities or countries?

I tire of being drawn into the hater community! The news and media make it so easy to want to pick sides and be on the attack regardless of what the truth happens to be. Our city suffered with an ongoing presence of a freeway shooter. It was the governor of our state that tweeted out ‘We got him!’ that now sees an individual being released after 7 months of imprisonment and the State in the process of being sued for millions. 

Time to open our eyes, ears and mouth to praise the good that you see happening daily around you and also being quick to be an advocate for someone who is being hurt by another! I want the hating to stop! Join me in making a positive difference in the world around you!

What's most important in life? Your GPA or having GRIT?

Success, perseverance, persistence and passion look different for everyone. Yet, why is it the case that everyone believes that there is a short cut to finding your ‘sweet spot’ or zone in life? Is it really possible to figure life out when you are 15, 25 or 55? Isn’t it more likely that this is an ongoing adventure that redefines itself multiple times over the journey of what we call life?

I will always remember my dad’s adage that the difficult we can do in a few days but the impossible might take a little longer. Little did I realize as I watched my dad go from being an Air Force Aviator that flew all over the world to a caring husband who watched his lady slowly die a thousand times over 5 years to someone that literally lost his mind that he was the embodiment of grit, tenacity, perseverance and hope!

I was recently reading an article by David Brooks published in the New York Times about understanding grit and success in life. It was almost as if he was speaking totally against our present day system of assessing what makes a person more likely to make it in life. Does it really matter that I had a 2.5 or 4.5 GPA in High School or College? Brooks was quick to show that it’s really not possible to be great at everything so someone who gets the perfect score on standardized testing isn’t necessarily the real genius!

It was through reading Brook’s article that I was introduced to Angela Lee-Duckworth and her recent book on Grit. She shared her life story of being raised in a rather typical Asian Family setting where success and perfection were the standard raised before her. Her dad was rather slow to give her accolades or a word of praise. So this pushed her to pursue initially what she thought was the definition of success, working as a consultant in New York making way too much money. Yet, for whatever reasons this definition of success wasn’t for her and pushed her to teach in low-income neighborhood schools.

Her journey took her from New York to Chicago and back to graduate school to pursue understanding what really matters in life. What’s the key determinate factor that makes one person, regardless of IQ, pursue their dreams and make them happen versus another person who would appear to be a genius type that ultimately drops out of life? Or more importantly what has to happen for what appears to be the average type of person to see them keep pursuing their passions in life until they make it happen?

Duckworth studied students that entered into West Point Academy to see what was it that made some drop out before the end of their basic training and why others seemed to thrive off of the insane pressure and testing. Clearly these students all had to have high intelligence scores and be very involved in their community and are capable of getting the attention of their State Senator. Yet, the obvious results were that there was a significant amount of students who dropped out and didn’t ‘cut the mustard’!

What I find as fascinating is that Duckworth ending up receiving a special award and grant designed only for the genius types yet her passion was for those that don’t fit this typical grid in life. My dad was the one who grew up in a tough neighborhood, had his parent’s marriage end in divorce only to be raised around the stereotypical step-dad whose only goal in life was to demean my dad and make sure he failed.

My dad became a person that never complained or made excuses about his past! It wasn’t until my dad’s dementia had literally taken his ability to think and reason from him that a close friend from his Air Force days came for a special visit. It was over breakfast that I listened to Bill Dettmer sharing his story of how my dad’s leadership grit influenced him. I listened to a story I had never heard about how my dad’s tenacity for life had influenced this friend to not drop out of the Air Force because he didn’t make it as a pilot. I was in tears as I realized the type of person my dad was in relationship to his peers who usually were more interested in their own success then the success of others.

The good news through Brooks or Duckworth is that you don’t have to be a genius in life to make your dreams become a daily reality. Yet, the real news is that life isn’t going to ever be easy and dealing with failure becomes more important than your GPA or what letters you have next to your name. The real message is that perseverance, passion, having firmness of character and an indomitable spirit is the essence of what will make your life the best!