What causes entitlement – it’s never my fault!

I think all of us get the fact that most of us are usually unwilling or slow to admit to our faults, mistakes or outright bad choices. Usually we become gifted at making excuses or blame shifting! I will always remember a ‘Scout Leader’ instructing me on the ways of when I point the finger blaming someone my other three fingers point back at ME. The difficulty is that I’m no different than the kid or teen coming out of disadvantaged circumstances when it comes to believing that I deserve preferential treatment.

Accountability always sounded like a dirty word to me as a teen and young adult. I truly believed that it meant I had to sell out to the ‘man’ and never have freedom or the ability to make my own choices. The reality as I’ve worked with at risk youth for decades and now am a senior is humbly seeing the power of being accountable first to yourself and then to a few that love you enough to speak truth into your life.

One of the real tensions in our culture is how to empower our youth to step up and own their lives. The challenge is that regardless of your family setting, rich kids can be just as quick to assume that they deserve everything as disadvantaged youth believe nothing is ever their fault. So, the missing ingredient to most youth is understanding the importance of accountability, setting goals and a willingness to listen to special friends or adults. The unfortunate reality is that too many, myself included, believe they’ve got it figured out and don’t need advice or help.

I now get that most things in life are better caught than taught. I was fortunate to have incredible parents who modeled what it meant to be responsible, honest and willing to listen as a life paradigm. I have lived around youth and young adults who have never had this type of life example and rather have been taught to find the easy way out or assume that someone else is going to pay. The difficulty is that as a kid its rather easy to persuade an adult with that smile or cute laugh to do something. Reality sets in when you’re older and the smile doesn’t cut it anymore.

One of the best lessons my parents taught me was not to buy me a car when I was in High School. I caught the life lesson from my parents to get a job in High School. I was able to save up to get my first car without any financial help from mom and dad.  I needed their help in finding a car, getting insurance and learning how to drive. The worst thing to do is give someone a car or laptop without any real ‘buy in’!

One of the challenges in helping someone not live an entitlement mindset is that it’s so much easier to do it for them than allowing them to own up and do it on their own or with a little bit of help. Empowerment requires real work on the part of the parent, mentor or friend that understands that failure is never final nor fatal. The difficult is that too many kids and teens are too afraid of failure and believe that winning is everything.

So, typically when something goes south it usually is my fault. The opportunity is to be honest, real and own up to real-life. The ultimate benefit is that I will lose my fear of failure and discover that hard work isn’t going to kill me but produce character.

Opportunity isn’t by accident but hard work!

I truly believe that opportunity knocks at the door of all people, yet the sad fact is that few are willing to get down and dirty and do work so their life ends up being on hold. As the new year begins to unfold before all of us my hope is that I and those around me would open our eyes to see the many opportunities at our finger tips. Some of these are obvious and waiting for us to ‘dive in and make it happen’. Others are going to have to put on their overalls and do real sweat breaking work to discover the new paths that lie before them in 2017. Wake up and accept the fact that there aren’t any short cuts and easy alternatives to real work.

Last month I was privileged to be part of a group of Grand Canyon University graduates. These young adults have invested themselves over the last 2-3 years with some of our youth that have grown up in difficult heart breaking circumstances. I have learned so much through these young adults that have developed a heart to help, learn about our kids and teens and then the most important aspect is to do something! It amazes me to see someone who is out of their element, dealing with hyper emotionally unstable teens, choose to befriend and take risks to better understand a totally different world. The result is that all of us have learned together, wept together and are better off because of seizing the opportunity before us!

I’m not going to bash the millennial generation growing up, which are these grads, but reflect on the fact that as a teen in the 60’s I was just as quick to look for the easy way out and definitely avoid hard work. Yet, one of the best lessons in my life was between finishing a Biochemistry degree and going to grad school. I had the opportunity to learn how to be a concrete finisher. I was forced into a totally different world of working in a multi-cultural context and then got blisters, screamed at and sweat ‘like a pig’. The bonus, was that I learned a trade, made at least twice as much as an entry level high tech person in Silicon Valley and developed a love of difficult cultures and an affinity for doing crazy stuff.

I know that this quote from Thomas Edison reveals his heart in choosing to never give up in his pursuit of a light bulb that would work. Much as these interns and now college grads would choose to never give up on a rowdy kid or rebellious teen that others would view as being impossible.

Time to put on our overalls and make it happen! (Big thanks to our GCU grads, Shanelle, Elena and Aundre!)

Waiting………

It always amazes me as to how many people, myself included at times, are waiting for something to happen for them or me to live life to the max! I know that most are tempted at times to truly believe that the grass is greener on the proverbial other side. Sadly, many marriages fail and end up in divorce court because someone believed that the passions, at the moment, would override failed communication or spouse number 3 would be the one. So, what is it that stops you or me from seeing each day as an amazing opportunity to live life to the max even doing just ‘normal stuff’?

I will be the first to confess that what’s happening at CES 2017 isn’t going to revolutionize my life! Yet, there is still something inside me that at times believes that my life would rock if only I had a newer car that had blue tooth, backup camera and blah, blah, blah. Why isn’t it possible to be content, not complacent with my present setting? I was talking to someone recently that I was attempting to persuade that living your life in neutral or seeing others make it happen while you are a bystander isn’t the way to live. Yet, I know that the amount of energy, planning and determination it takes to go from being a person that watches to someone that shifts into drive isn’t easy.

I admit that I get annoyed with people, especially millennials, that spend most of their life on the couch either playing video games or watching YouTube clips that seem to be clueless about the pathway to seeing their dreams become a reality. Yes, it does take effort, real work, to make a life that is living in neutral to shift into action tomorrow. What is the ingredient for making a life go from blah to YES! It is intentionally being a person that plans, gets ready and then follows through and decides to JUST DO IT!

I could write a ‘Dummy’s Guide to 5 Easy Steps to Make Great Excuses’ as I have listened to many teens and 20 somethings give a rationale behind why they aren’t doing anything or going anywhere. Why intentionally choose to live this way and watch the world quickly pass by you? I would get so bored so fast if all I did was stay home and literally do nothing? I admit that setting goals and following through requires real work, planning and the ultimate difficulty is that you will fall on your face at times and fail.

I have vivid memories of how my mom taught us how to wait in a constructive way for my dad to return from his tour of duty in Vietnam. Usually he would be gone for 6 months. My mom was someone that believed that keeping routines helped life happen when you face the ‘waiting game’. There wasn’t anything you could do to make time going by any faster. The key ingredient for her was to help us keep life normal but choose to do something that would get our minds off my dad’s absence and even fear that he could be shot down in his B-52. Thankfully my dad survived 6 tours of duty without any close calls. I had other friends whose mothers were always nervous wrecks that didn’t know how to handle waiting.

I recently attended a Boy Scout Court of Honor to make a presentation. I was quickly reminded about the Scout’s motto of always being prepared. I was reminded as various awards and merit badges were presented that being prepared didn’t happen by accident but required real effort and work on the part of the scouts.

Stop living your life in neutral and playing the waiting game and be someone who intentionally gets ready for action regardless of what is happening!