Respect and trust do matter!

I know that at times I get annoyed with friends that ask if they can borrow money only to know ultimately that I’ve given them a gift. What’s even more upsetting is when this individual totally gets upset when they are asked to pay it back. The bigger picture in life is that to make a difference in the life of a friend, neighbor or even a stranger I have to be willing to give and not expect anything in return!

As I share this story about twins that are ten years old it’s a heart-warming example of how respect and trust do matter. I was asked by one of the twins if I would help them get new school ID’s that cost $10. I only had a twenty on me, so I gave it to them. Usually, when I help in this manner, I do expect the remainder to be returned, even though often it’s not. So, I was presently surprised that one of the twins told me that they had the other $10 to return. It was over the weekend that this happened. So, I was expecting them to maybe spend the money on junk food. Yet, this didn’t happen, so I said it was ok for them to split $5 and then give the other $5 to any of the homeless that usually are outside the new large Circle K in our neighborhood. 

I was so jazzed that these twins understood that for me to trust them again with money that they needed to respect my wishes with the money. I know that trust is something that takes time to actually earn from a new friend or re-establish with an older friend. I’m so fortunate to have so many volunteers or interns that walk with our kids and teens. One of my newer friends who volunteers, Gelila, is an incredible young woman who shares her passion about real life with our group. She recently shared about how important it is to stand up to stereo types and not allow prejudice or racism to push you to act in an inappropriate fashion, where you live as others expect. 

What’s incredible, is because she has hung out with our kids and teens, she has gained their trust and now they respect her voice! Sadly, too often people assume because of their stature or age that others ought to listen to their opinions or voice. Yet, until I have gotten to know someone and see whether they are trust worthy this determines my ability to have a transparent relationship with them. 

I know that after grad school in my young 30’s I would often get frustrated with older men who were leaders that wouldn’t respect or give my opinion a real consideration. As I have aged, I’ve come to see that part of the dynamic of trust and respect is that it works both ways. I can see how as a young leader, looking back, I was a little arrogant or too self-assured which did push away my older friends and their ability to hear me. 

I know that respecting a person’s privacy, space, possessions and views is so important. It’s too easy to slam someone too quickly because of my personal biases being on the opposite end of the spectrum. If I desire to befriend someone who does have a different life expression, I must be willing to listen and learn from them to gain their respect and trust. This isn’t going to happen if my purpose in listening is just to have a quick come back to put them down. 

I was so appreciative of these twins’ expression of gratitude when it comes to their response to help. I was humbled when the one texted me and said a big thanks and complimented me for caring. 

WOW – respect and trust work! 

How can you love your neighbor if you don’t know them?

Society has changed so much over the last generation, where the average person moves so often, that there isn’t any rationale behind getting to know you neighbor. I admit that as a kid with a dad in the Air Force I moved 22 times in my 17 years of living at home. As an adult I have lived in San Luis Obispo, San Diego twice, San Francisco area twice and now Phoenix for almost 25 years. The big picture even being a long-term Phoenix resident is that we have lived in 5 different neighborhoods during this time. 

Sadly, I have to admit that even though I consider myself a neighborhood or community worker/activist type, who has a passion to see our community improve and make a difference, that it’s very difficult to know your neighbor when they aren’t interested in talking. My only contact with one of our neighbors is when they complain about someone parking on the street close to their house. My other neighbor, who is an older Hispanic couple, are incredible and have become friends. 

One of the simple factors in seeing our society change, improve and impact the world is when we become intentional about getting to know those who are around you. Yet, because we have become so transitory in nature, few view getting to know your neighbor as a priority because you will clearly move in the next year or so. I know that a few of our neighbors are shocked that as a renter we have invested in our house with the look of WHY would you do that? It would appear from the outside that we are home owners who do care about our home and our neighborhood. 

I know that God’s heart for mankind is for all of us, that includes both you and me, that we take the time to meet and get to know our neighbors and those around us at Fry’s, Starbucks, McDonalds or the laundromat. I’m always impressed with what transpires when I take the time to listen, learn a person’s name and then hear their story. I intentionally sit at my Starbucks a few times a week to write but also to connect with my friends. I was startled this week when Rick, a friend from my larger Starbucks neighborhood, actually honked at me. He got my attention and I sadly discovered that his mom had recently passed. 

I know that I always enjoy listening to Stephanie, a young mom with 3 daughters and a baby girl, who sits in the same spot if I’m later in the morning at Starbucks. She knows all about my family and involvement in the neighborhood. I discovered recently that the house being built that’s on our way to our canal to walk the dogs is her mansion. It’s a huge house on a couple of acres. 

So, what has stopped many from taking the time to invest in getting to know their neighbors or greet those they see almost on a daily basis? Fear of the unknown, cultural differences or being safe and taking a risk someone might stalk you and break into your house? I was surprised this weekend to be in a local park with our grandson to see twin 7-year-old girls on this large playground area all alone. They were quick to play with our Hudson and quickly share their stories, listen to us and then answer questions. 

I’m always impressed by how quickly kids make friends and include you in their lives. Why is it the case that adults can be so standoffish and at times almost rude if you’re perceived to be too forward in attempting to make a friend? 

My mom was the one who rather forced me to see strangers not as potential enemies but friends. I have memories as a kid being dragged around our new neighborhood being introduced. Clearly, my mom understood that everyone would live for a couple of years max so the sooner we connected the better we all would be. 

The amazing story behind understanding the practical way to love God has always been to see how His love is both horizontal and vertical. It’s rather easy to say I love God but yet the proof of my love of God is seen in how I treat my neighbor and intentionally choose to get to know them so I’m able to love them. 

So, think about loving God through loving your neighbor and then being able to love yourself! 

New Life even when you’re old?

One of the more amazing aspects of life as you age is the fact that you choose how you live! There isn’t anyone telling you how to act, what type of mindset to have or how to dress. I’m always energized when I’m around kids and teens. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing about adults. How is it possible for someone who is still relatively young to act as if they are old and ready to check out of life? I have a few grandmas who put me to shame by how they are able to make their lives special and meaningful at 87. Go grandma Bernice, Doris and even Hattie! 

I get it that making New Year’s resolutions is a great way to begin change. Yes, talking about dieting, saving, spending less and doing something that counts is so important. Yet, isn’t it possible to live this way 24/7 and 365? Do we have to wait till December 31 to make significant changes part of our DNA? I’m always taken back as to why end of the year giving is such a big push? Isn’t it possible for those who are committed to give all year round to see the day to day needs of an organization or an individual who has real needs? 

We have some dear friends who stayed with us over the Christmas break that have two kids. I think our friends were rather suspicious as to whether their two would be bored out of their minds staying with Anne and Dave. The jury is no longer out both kids can’t wait to come back to see our herd of dogs, parrot and fish. The bigger pic was that I got them hooked on playing with my little robot, Sphero with their dad or mom’s iPhone. Yes, it’s possible for the old to live like they are young and even for the young to realize that their grandparents can actually be COOL!

 One of our more recent holiday traditions is now going to the Zoo over Christmas break with our grandson, Hudson. Soon it will be with a larger group of grandsons that will number four! What was so much fun was to race around the zoo with my little friend screaming out grandpa, grandpa, come grandpa. I’m so thankful to be young at heart and be capable of chasing or running around doing crazy stuff with my grandson!

What was even crazier was our choice on New Year’s Day to visit Odysea Aquarium. The crowd was incredible. It was such a delight to see all of the different families watching the various fish, penguins, Otters, Cockatoos and even the Sloth. I’m so grateful to have a wife who is adventurous and willing to get up, get out and do something special! Can’t fathom what life would be like sitting on the sidelines. 

The more important picture in life is the realization that spiritual renewal can happen on a daily basis. Yes, I can experience new life, even at 65, as I acknowledge that I’m a new creation in Christ and my life has meaning, significance and purpose that is incredible. My hope and optimism in life isn’t based upon the stock market, political parties but upon a God who created a fascinating universe. The amazing truth is that God created me in His image where I can grasp that life has meaning because of the purposeful life, coming and ultimate sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ. Yes, it’s possible to be born again, even in your old age with your rebellious nature. 

I know that not all little kids are fearless and that at times I too have to admit that I’m a little cautious when it comes to pushing it to the edge. Yet, being able to breath in the fresh air after a rain or today it was actually scrapping off the ice on my Anne’s little car was transformative. So, yes make your New Year’s resolutions but also discover that real gift and blessing of living each day to it’s fullest. 

Celebrate the New Year and each day as a gift from the incredible God who created life! 

Do the right thing! Forget, finder’s keepers and loser’s weepers.

Richard Taverna, a New York subway rider, found a blue Chanel bag Thursday morning in the station at Lincoln Center in Manhattan. He did the incredible, he actually intentionally looked in the purse, not to steal anything but to help the individual who had accidentally left it behind. He found a note in Russian and unfortunately there wasn’t any subway agent. He took the fancy Chanel bag home. There he discovered an envelope with 100 $100 bills in it. The temptation clearly was what could I do for Christmas with $10K? 

Instead, Richard defied the finder’s keeper’s rule and actually went into the 20^thPrecinct in Manhattan. The lady who had lost her purse had already been at the Precinct to report her bag had been lost on the subway. She was on her way to Russia when the unfortunate mishap occurred!

I know that one would hope that most people would do the right thing and take the fancy bag to the Police Department without any second thoughts. Yet, it’s possible that someone in grave need could see it as a divine gift that was placed on their lap to make Christmas special for their family. The amazing story is that Richard would view himself as a normal guy not some super hero. Yet, in today’s crazy world doing what’s right isn’t always at the forefront of everyone’s thoughts. 

I know that as I have the good fortune to have grandkids, yes, I’m a grandpa, that I want all of them to know automatically that doing what’s right, honoring their parents and ultimately God is the only way to live. I know that it’s so easy for kids and even adults to be in a rush and not pay much attention to the grandma who is struggling to get through the door to a restaurant or needs help as we encountered getting their food tray to their table at a buffet. I would truly hope and pray that kindness would be on the minds of all especially during the Christmas season as we are reminded about the ONE who left behind his glory to become the baby in the stable not the fancy high end hotel. 

Giving, self-sacrifice and seeing someone else’s need and doing something proactive instead of pretending to ignore is the ‘Spirit’ of Christmas. My hope is that more would start paying it forward and teach their kids and their grandkids that practicing kindness will transform their lives and the lives of those around them. 

Here’s the opportunity, not just for the next week or so but the whole year, is to have your eyes open to see the circumstances of those around you. Be the neighborhood hero that picks up the trash instead of walking past it thinking that’s not my mess. 

Merry Christmas 

Loneliness is something all of us face!

 I just read a recent article about how loneliness hits at different ages. I’m fortunate in that I’m far from 20, have passed 50 but still have the 80’s phase to wait out. The bigger picture is that I’m around both young and really old and it is clear that loneliness, depression and being alone is part of life that we must learn to face in a healthier fashion. 

I know that holiday time, regardless of whether it’s Christmas, Thanksgiving and especially birthdays are tough. I lost my mom to cancer over 11 years ago. We share the same birthday so it’s always hard and on occasion even though I’m around family and lots of friends I still hurt and feel lonely on the inside and clearly miss my mom! 

The decay of the family unit means that there are way too many struggling with working through a divorce or breakup where kids, pets and family are separated. Yes, it’s different cooking for one then for a family of 5!  I recently listened to a friend who had recently gone through a divorce. I’m so proud of this friend in how they faced their circumstances and that of their spouse or now ex. The reality is that my friend will be healthier as they put their life together and let go of past hurt, confusion and heartache. I’m not one to promote divorce having just celebrated our 45^thanniversary. 

I know that it’s so easy to disappear and choose purposely to become a recluse or a hermit. I know that in today’s move to become more minimalistic that living in mini-houses makes it tough to from a spouse, friend or roommate. Yet, the stark reality is that we can be around a large group at a Christmas party but be and feel totally ALONE. 

The last thing someone who is struggling with depression and being lonely want is someone telling them to jump into the fray. I know that it’s so easy to have a personal pity party and have that sad frown look happening. So, what happens as we enter into the most celebrated time of the year? Avoidance is one tack to take? Maybe going on a trip by yourself and playing tourist. The bigger challenge is actually choosing to do something, anything to make life better. 

My friend who recently went through a divorce talked about joining a support group. I know the difficulty with facing a strange or new group is the obvious questions that come at you about what, why and how are you going to cope better. Make a choice to do little baby steps to see your emotional imbalance improve and take a risk in talking to a friend or even someone at the local coffee shop. 

The bigger picture is that having a personal relationship with the Lord, means that regardless of what’s around you, people, place or circumstances will give you a sense of having a home and not being alone! I so much appreciate the image of Jesus being a shepherd that goes out of his way to look out for us, guide us and even discipline us at times is comforting. 

Yes, all of us will struggle with who we are, regardless of age, where we are headed, whether we’re gainfully employed or retired and the choice to include others in our life, including God, so we never have to be alone. 

Please don’t let your loneliness push you to the edge! Make a friend and give to someone that’s hurting. Life will get better! 

Is it possible to turn a bad day into a better day?

I know that everyone, myself included, have genuine bad days! Yes, where everything seems to go south regardless of what you choose to do. Last night we went to an incredible light display with a group of kids and teens. Sadly, one of my interns initially had car troubles and then worst of things she has a mishap and hits the curb and gets a flat tire. Thank God for AAA and their emergency service!

So, what can you do when a bad hair morning turns into a spiraling ready to jump off a cliff day? Holiday season is the worst time for those of us that struggle with depression, the loss of a loved one and the difficult reality that you’re alone for Christmas or thanksgiving. I was having a chat with a young friend who unfortunately has found himself in a ‘funk’. Regardless of what he does he has little if any motivation to do anything. It’s so easy to make an excuse when you’re out of it and soon you notice your life has gone from being in the ‘stall’ mode to be in the descending reverse mode. Oops, no one has to live this way, yet, without being able to acknowledge you’re in a perpetual bad day syndrome life isn’t going to get better. 

I have another friend who does struggle with SMI and continues to face his life circumstances both good and actually horrible. The difficulty, which my friend would admit, is that it takes a few great friends to walk with you in life to overcome the bad, bad, bad type of days. He had something horrible happen that was a combination of first time doing something and the ineptness of a clerk creating a nightmare situation. The good news, which does make your day or week rock, is that friends can help big time. The path to turning a bad day into a better day requires an openness to include someone in your impossible seeming situation. 

I have another friend who’s in a tough situation where he’s unemployed and it would seem that the odds are against him in making his life turn around. Regardless of how hard he tries, he’s learning after being incarcerated, stuff happens. Yes, the car breaks down, cell phone dies, you do ‘stupid stuff’ and you can be embarrassed to ask for help. I know that it’s so easy to say what matters most in life isn’t how many times you fall but how often you get back up and face the stuff that stinks in life? 

I just recently finished a book on how to face anxiety in life. It has a rather foul title, F…. Anxiety, yet, the author, a PhD, wants to connect with real people who are dealing with the s….. in life. I know that as a pastor and someone that does believe in super natural help that there isn’t a 1, 2, 3 solution to any problem and that depression and thoughts of harming yourself are sadly more part of our cultural than any want to face. 

I have a good friend who works with families that struggle with real life circumstances. She connected me with one of her friends who is a social worker. My new friend and her husband had chosen to help a teen who they had known for a long time. He had aged out of the ‘system’ and needed a place to live that is more than a group home. It was so exciting to meet someone who had intentionally chosen to be a positive influence and help to someone that could ultimately be out on the street. Yet, the tragic reality is that there are too many that need this type of positive attention NOW. 

I’m learning to listen more, ask for help more and not be afraid to speak up when I see someone isolated and hurting. The more important element for me is to have other resources that I can point a friend to pursue to have a better day. 

Yes, it’s time to realize that having a bad hair day is rather foolish to let ruin your day. The choice all of us make each day is whether we are serious about being in LIFE and can text a friend, make a call to a hotline or more importantly dial 911. 

Lights Cheer Up Your Life!

This last weekend we had a quick getaway to Prescott. We didn’t realize it was the special Holiday Friday for all of the Whiskey Row Stores to have a variety of vocalists, musicians and even belly dancers entrain the locals and thousands of visitors like us in their stores. The downtown plaza area and courthouse was turned into an incredible light display that would captivate the attention of both young and old!

I have to admit that I’m still a kid at heart regardless of being a senior! I’m always transformed into a little kid when we put up all of our lights and incredible assortment of nativity scenes throughout the house. We usually have a holiday discussion or at times argument about whether putting everything up and out just after Thanksgiving is too soon. Yet, my experience would be that we should celebrate all year round the one who is the LIGHT of the world. I know that at times some people make fun or point out too quickly the few who leave their lights up longer than the norm and even a few that never take them down. 

I lived as a preteen and teen in Montana where the long winter day-nights could be depressing because of the lack of sun light. So, why would anyone choose to be a dweller of darkness intentionally? I have lived a good portion of my life in the Valley of the Sun where the energy and power of light definitely motivates you to be up and about! The reality is that light both destroys the darkness and is what gives you the pep and energy to make your day incredible!

I know that bright lights tend to detour would be thieves from breaking into your house along with your big dog or little dog that has that loud abrasive bark. It’s so true that whatever we do in the light, broad daylight, is seen by all and that the true test of character is what we do in the darkness or behind closed doors. A good friend at Starbucks bemoaned the fact that someone had broken into his giant truck and used the remote to open his garage. Fortunately, the delinquent didn’t steal anything in the truck even though my friend had accidently left his work bonus in the back. The reality is that my friend had recently installed a few cameras that caught the thief on video. 

I know that street lights, stop lights and warning lights help detour accidents from happening or better put the light promotes and protects life! It’s always an eerie feeling to drive through an unlit neighborhood and dodge parked cars on the street. One of my young teens made the comment about watching a YouTube clip about creatures that live at the bottom of the sea. The amazing eye-catching fact is that these deep-sea creatures have a phosphorescent shine that makes it possible for them to actually see in the depths of the darkness. 

Our little get-away to Prescott required us on Friday night to park almost a mile away from the downtown because everyone wanted to see the lights and be transformed back to a little kid who is mesmerized by the assortment of lights displays and the vast variety of colors. So, why not have colored light displays at your house and purposely choose to celebrate the ONE who created LIGHT with a purpose of revealing the beauty of the truth about LIFE!