I had the privilege yesterday to sit in on a teen’s CFT meeting. This is a collaborative meeting between different social worker types that are helping a teen in my group. My friend, I’ll call Bob, is from a local Tribal Nation and has been in Foster Care most of his life. His family had serious issues, which saw him placed at a very young age. It has been great getting to know Bob over the last year or so. He has such great potential and is very smart in a common sensical way. The challenge as I sat in this 2-hour meeting was which voice do I follow and so many different expectations how do I know what I am supposed to really do.
As I pulled up to the group home where Bob lived I had no idea that this meeting would be more than his group home person and his case manager. Instead it turned out to have a total of six. All of a sudden dollar signs flashed in my face as I thought of how much energy was going into this teen. Don’t get me wrong I think this gives Bob an awesome chance in life considering his past obstacles. I just see another 30 teens in my life, which would benefit from this amount of positive attention.
The backdrop to this story is that on Sunday night I had a long discussion with Bob about how he needed to go back to his case manager and other social worker types and apologize in a genuine sincere fashion. He had done some things out of over reacting to what was going on around him. I believe that Bob is astute enough to get it with adults when it comes to respect, listening and following through. He had done something which he knew was wrong but assumed that none of his helpers would discover his transgression.
As we talked I went back over the gospel of grace, which can lead to reconciliation. Bob has heard the gospel often and I know is making real steps to be a believer who does what is right, even if he doesn’t get anything out of it. I explained that it works so much better in life when we are quicker to say, “I screwed up instead of being defensive.” He shook his head in agreement. I said this is no different with God having Jesus take our sin upon himself and being judged or cursed by God for our disobedience. I explained how his choice to stop the games and be honest would draw his workers to him instead of alienating them. It was clear that some of Bob’s choices over the last month or so had alienated them and they saw mixed signals come from this teen.
The key for the meeting to work was for Bob to be honest about his future desires and then be transparent about how he messed up at the last meeting. He had pulled up his grades significantly which everyone applauded him for his consistent efforts. I explained that adults are more into respect than he had thought. I explained that his case manager was the one with control in the overall situation and that he needed to come clean with him. I explained how it was easy to have a false humility that might work for a meeting but that it seemed that all of the workers had seen through this façade. As I sat and listened it was clear that Bob had lied at the last meeting about a few things that turned out to be really important.
As we wrapped up Bob was able to express himself better and did apologize to everyone, especially the case manager. He had worked on goals with his group home worker who is a like a mom to him. He admitted to his anger issues and explained how he had messed up in his chem class and actually used the campus police in the wrong way to justify his rebelliousness toward his teacher.
It struck me how much effort had gone into this meeting. I had spent many hours talking with Bob. Obviously his group home mom had spent even more time helping Bob to see how he needed to change his thinking towards the entire situation. Then there was this multitude of social workers or therapist types that saw him on a monthly basis with similar goals. I can imagine how many middle class families will pay for their kids to have special coaches or tutors at a huge expense. Here is Bob having a group of six adults genuinely care for his welfare.
What I loved was that everything I had shared about spiritual principles, i.e. his need to repent, ask for forgiveness and then have a better attitude and changed behavior was actually starting to happen. Bob is an amazing individual who does have so much going for him. All of us expressed the fact that he didn’t have to grow up too quickly but was now on the right path. Everyone left excited about Bob’s progress and the fact that everyone’s heart felt efforts were truly worth it. I also saw my role as pastor or spiritual counselor as something that everyone in the meeting understood my role and place.
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