I grew up in what I have always perceived as a normal family. I had a mom and a dad who loved me, helped me ‘get life’ and then support me regardless of how crazy I would seem. Remember I was the 19 year old who told them that I wanted to marry someone that I had met at a Bible Camp in the Santa Cruz Mountains. My dad didn’t question anything about my future wife or my wisdom in wanting to be a 20 year old in college with a wife. His simple response, “She must be great if you love her!” As I transition to talking about youth who have grown up without much, especially adult role models, it would seem rather unfortunately normal for these teens to crash and burn.
Yesterday I was at a local charter school talking with the ‘head’ gals who oversee the school. They are both good friends who have allowed me be on campus and talk about community service and the impact one person can make. As we were talking about helping seniors get it when it comes to community service, I see this look on the principal that struck me. She says, “We really need your help today!” My response is sure what is it. I had no clue she was going to talk about a young man who had taken his life and the impact it had on a few of their students. I reply, “Of course I would be willing to come and listen and do my best to help.”
I come back on campus around lunchtime. I see these couple of teens that have teary eyes and want to talk. I didn’t have any idea what was going to happen. We make our way back to the teacher lounge, which was rather small. As we sat down at a table with day old sandwiches and an older teacher sitting at the table, the teens begin to share about their friend and what had happened. They had been on the bus with their friend yesterday and then were totally shocked when the mom calls one of them to tell them what had happened.
As I am listening and praying for these teens I am overwhelmed with the hurt and normal response of why did this happen? I explain that it would be easy to blame yourself for thinking that you might have said something or done something that could have stopped this teen from taking their life. I share my story with having a close friend die in college. I opened up my heart to say that it took months for the dreams to stop and the sense that I was at fault. I could have gone with Andy hand gliding and told him it was ‘stupid’ to jump off a cliff when neither of us have the experience to do that type of flight.
As I am driving around later in the day to pick up students for our tutoring club I get a call from a group home worker, a close friend, who shares her frustration about one of her teens. We both have a heart for this young person. They are also at the end of their rope. I share with this teen how we are concerned about their present pattern of behavior. I look into their eyes and try to express both my love but real concern about not wanting to bath, dress normal or interact with friends. I ask this individual to write out what is upsetting them. The response I receive was not good. This individual is on the edge and doesn’t see much point in fighting anymore. It is difficult to discern whether this is just a reaction to circumstances or a real cry for help.
Later that night I’m back at home with a few doing a late dinner, yeah hot dogs, eggs and toast is rather strange. As we talk it hits me that the teen I had been talking to and wanting to help was part of this other tragedy early in the day. I know that life in the hood, without family or real friends can ‘suck’. This young person ate up their late dinner and joked around. It was a surprise that they actually picked up their plate and rinsed it off.
It is easy for me to talk about suffering and pretend that I have it all figured out. My mom died after a 10-year battle with cancer, my dad now is in a rehab center after a stroke and has dementia. I could throw a pity party but my purpose in sharing this is that hardship doesn’t necessarily only look for teens in marginalized neighborhoods but also a white guy that grew up in middle class America. I didn’t have a 1-2-3 type of answer to the teens in the morning or this teen last night. I try to express so clearly and loudly that all of life is worth keeping, protecting and enjoying. I can’t understand the pain at the moment but echoed my experience that a friend could make all of the difference, so don’t run off and hide or give up.
As I printed out a pic of some of my little guys playing with my ipad it struck me, life is incredible and worth all of the headache. I’m concerned about a lot of my teens that grow up in very adverse circumstances without any real hope because the world around them is full of hate, violence, anger and racism. Yet, I know that I serve a God who is more than able to help. The challenge is that it is too easy to give the answers you think the other party expects or be afraid that an emotional collapse might drive away a friend or adult who might help.
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