Who am I?

I pursued a Biochem Degree in college that got side-railed by my interest in philosophy and critical thinking. I have to admit that most teens have little interest either in real science or Descartes, Anselm, Aristotle or Plato. I have a Heinz 57 type of education both in the ‘blue collar’ world and the ‘white collar’ world. I have done research with the enzyme LDH, done concrete work first as just a job and then as a potential career. (I was able to work on business parks in the Bay Area such as Apple, Intel, etc…)  I now have primarily done church work and non-profit work the last 20 years. What stands out whether it was with my hippie Jesus freak friends, my scientist friends or my friends from my hood is that it is so important to know how to communicate. So for me to improve both in the spoken word and written word I have to be open to evaluating how to do what I do better.

I am taken back by a few that I encounter who have purposely thought through the bigger questions of life. (This does become impressive when this is a teen.) I know I just blogged about Blue Like Jazz which focused on understanding that life at times doesn’t make sense, no resolve and that there is always a conflict, followed by a climax and then comes resolution hopefully. The challenge for most today is that we are being raised in a non-thinking type of world. Too many have become ‘drones’ that simply exist which means they work, sleep, eat, party and then reverse the cycle.

Today I have been invited to share in a dialogue about understanding self? This is by a teen at a charter school. I have never met this teen but just by reading his topic and desire to better understand what might be called ontology will be intriguing. He states his focus by asking the question of whether we are always putting on different costumes when it comes to our life circumstances. His real question is whether there is actually a true self within that we must be true to?

I know that in the atheist world the notion of self, meaning, purpose and direction in life is a rather difficult question to answer. Sartre stated that our existence comes out of our pre-existence. If we came out a glob of molecules then any notion of self or meaning is purely arbitrary. I do understand the Darwin notion of survival of the fittest. It is also easy for us humans to assume that we are at the top of the evolutionary chain until we obliterate our spices from the face of the earth.

 I will always remember multiple conversations in my various philosophy classes about the notion of whether we can truly know ourselves. Is it possible to distinguish an illusion from something that is real? How can I know that what I see across the way is real and not a mirage? How do I know that I am the same person today that I was yesterday? I can remember the dialogue about the ancients discussing whether or not the river you just stepped in is the same as the river you crossed the day before? Is it possible for both my eyes and my mind to play tricks on my so I am left to wonder what is real? I might come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter or I might be at the end of my mental rope.

I know that many today crave to have an authentic or genuine experience in life. I also know that too often we will do extreme things, i.e. hand gliding, parachuting, river rafting, driving on the freeway or breaking the law on purpose to see if that rush of adrenaline will give our lives meaning. I also have other friends who totally enjoy sitting and reading their favorite book for hours and hours. So back to my new friend’s question is there such a thing as a true self within that I ought to pursue?

I don’t think life is really that much different today than when I was a teen. Yeah, I didn’t have internet, computers, cell phones and high tech stuff but I still played in a rock band, had girlfriends, got a car in High School and experienced both the thrill of being noticed and the heart ache of being dumped by a girlfriend or either my druggie friends or academic nerdy friends. So how do I discover who I really am? Is this really possible? As I woke up this morning how do I know who I am and what I am suppose to be doing?

I know that it is easy for many to be in the attack mode and not really be interested in learning about the different ‘isms’ that exist in our world. I know that it is very easy for me to be on the critical side and be quick to attack any non-Christian view or organization. I think the beauty of life is that one can learn to appreciate everything and be open to learning that ultimately will stimulate you to be a better person whether you are a Jew, Muslim, Buddhist or Christian. My challenge is that I take the presumptuous position that my view of life is the only view and must be the correct one.

So how is it possible for anyone that is serious about critically assessing life not to be biased towards his or her own world view? I would be naive to think that I am open minded and capable of taking in all of the different world views and being able to think through all of them without passing judgment? So as I drive to this campus today at lunch how am I going to relate to a teen, who comes out of a totally different culture, world view and life experience? I’m not sure whether I’m capable of just listening without wanting to dive into the conversation to express my views with the assumption that my view of reality is the truth?

So I will say yes to my new friend that I too often become different people depending upon who I am with during the day. If I am meeting with my white collar friends I typically dress up a little. If I’m doing a painting project I won’t be dressing up but looking like I’m homeless. I am capable of expressing myself so I can relate back to different levels of education or cultural backgrounds. So does this mean that I have multiple personalities? I’m now getting to be an old guy versus being a teen, 20 or 30 something so I do have a perspective that is based upon lots of life experience. Does make me smarter or wiser?

I’m excited to have the privilege of listening and dialoguing with my new friend who wants to better understand their ontological circumstances in our world.