This last week was both the 5th anniversary of my
mom’s home coming to heaven and my parent’s 61st anniversary. I have
thought a lot about the legacy my mom has left for my brothers, my family and
me over the last 5 years. It is very difficult at times to not have my mom’s
cancer be what ‘sticks’ out in my mind. My parents were rather typical 60’s
family where my dad was always the ‘bread winner’ and my mom was at home taking
care of us.
My dad has been more a part of my life over the last 3 years
as we moved him from San Diego to Phoenix. My dad had been my mom’s caregiver
over a decade during my mom’s battle with cancer. A good portion of that time
my mom was in remission and able to travel and be part of our family. Over the
last 3 years of her life she was unable to travel and lived primarily in their
living room on the couch.
I can think back to my life as the son of an Air Force
Officer who was privileged to live on a variety of Air Force Bases over my 18
years of being a youth. My mom was the initiator type that always pushed me to
do more, be thoughtful and show respect to everyone. My dad was gone during the
Vietnam Crisis so most of my teen years my dad was stationed in Guam or Okinawa
as he flew B-52s.
My mom was very out going and loved to give her opinion
whether it was appreciated or not. She truly cared about the people around her
and noticed the little things that mattered. She taught me threw example to be
a ‘good Samaritan’ type of person. She wasn’t necessarily a theological whiz
but understood Biblical principles so as a kid growing up I understood the
importance of putting God first and family second. (This doesn’t mean that I
always followed this example.)
My mom was a person of routine or habit that did give me or
my brothers a choice when it came to getting up early, getting ready for school
or whatever and always having breakfast together. She would be appalled at how
most families don’t do breakfast together and meal times are spent more around
the T.V. or video games. I can remember when my dad was gone during my younger
brother’s birth that it was even more important to be a family together. She
would always read the Bible to us at night and we would pray together saying
the Lord’s Prayer.
I can remember my mom clashing with me when I was graduating
from High School. I was going away for a long weekend camping trip with a few
of my friends from school. I had told my boss, Mr. Brock who owned Brock’s Ice
Cream, that all of us were going away for a weekend trip to celebrate. I
couldn’t fathom that Brock forgot and calls up my house to see where I was. I
will always remember asking my mom to fudge a little and tell him that I wasn’t
home when he called. He actually did remember we were leaving on a trip but
wanted me or Rusty to come in and do some work before we left. I was in a
rebellious mood so I pushed mom to lie for me.
Yes, I regret doing this because for the following 35 years
of my life she would always bring this up. I do confess that my dad was the
softie and my mom was the disciplinarian in our family. I was only really
spanked one time after playing ‘hooky’ from kindergarten because of the blonde
girl that sat behind me was always trying to kiss me. I will remember for the
rest of my life the 2 days I cut school and hide in the bushes until my dad
left for work. I’m not sure how I avoided my mom those couple of days. It was
on the third day after the teacher had talked to my parents that they out
smarted me and caught me hiding in the bushes when I was supposed to be walking
to school.
My mom was an amazing help when our daughter Heather was
born premature. We were still in college and Heather literally popped out 3
months early. We were literally transported from our coastal paradise in San
Luis Obispo to the San Francisco Area. Heather lived the first year of her life
at Mt. Zion Hospital in a bad part of the city. It was my mom who drove with my
Anne almost every day for a year.
I know that because of being the oldest the perception from
my middle brother was that I received preferential treatment over the years. I
saw it more as being the one that stepped up to help always received special
perks that were my payoff for being a helper type. I know that my mom’s death
has left a lasting impression on my brothers who are both very different. It is
difficult for guys to open their mouths and share what is inside. I catch
myself thinking about my mom and tears always start to flow.
My relationship with my mom is now seen in how I treat my
dad and my learning curve for helping him with his Dementia. It has been a
difficult couple of years as we have figured out the best place for grandpa to
live and how to be his friend. It is at times like this that I really miss my
mom and wish she could be here to help love on my dad. So it wasn’t a hardship
yesterday to kidnap my dad from his senior care center and go to the Tempe
Aquarium at the mall. He had a great time and was quick to say thanks. I don’t
know whether he will remember doing this today or tomorrow but I know mom is
appreciative.
How can you say thanks to your mom for all of the love and
care she gave you? I’m discovering that how I treat my dad, my wife, my kids
and those around me is how God wants me to thank her. Love you mom!
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