New Friends

Yesterday was an awesome day because I met a younger couple that were visiting Phoenix on vacation. It was a joy meeting with them at Matt’s Big Breakfast and talking about doing community development work that enables an established church to think outside the box. They are part of a church that will probably bring a group out in the summer to partner with New City – Barrio.

It is always interesting to talk with someone on the phone and communicate via e-mail. The shocker is when you meet this person face to face. I was expecting someone a little older, not that this couple were kids but they looked the part. It was exciting to hear them talk about wanting to help transition their church to be in a position to better understand the Biblical rationale to care for their neighbors. It was exciting to hear that this couple lived in the neighborhood around their church. We had a great time talking about doing neighborhood mercy work.

I took them on a tour of our neighborhood. We stopped and sat in the park at South Ranch. I gave my Habitat overview and then explained how we started and the unfolding process of connecting with a variety of people. They both had done some work with Habitat back in their hometown. I shared a little about YPO helping a couple of times with New City – Bariro. It was time to now drive to our painting neighborhood and meet a few people.

We drove up to Mrs. Jefferson’s house. I was thrilled to see her car in the driveway. I got out of my truck and would signal them if she were able to come out talk. As I approached the door I saw two guys get into it and start calling each other names. I realized I wasn’t going to step in and stop them so I stepped back and waited a few minutes. As their voices escalated I was ready to leave but out comes Mrs. Jefferson. We sit and talk a few minutes. She is taken back thinking I have brought the ‘camera crew’ to do our video which we have been talking about. I reassure her that this young couple is just visiting from Kansas on vacation. Amazingly Mrs. Jefferson walks over and now ignores what had just happened with her grandsons. We have a nice chat and then move on.

Next stop is Art’s house and his herd of dogs and cats. As we pull up Art is actually outside sitting and enjoying the nice morning. We all get out of the cars and start talking and Art quickly moves me to take his 10 bags of who knows what that had filled his storage room the last year. It is rather smelly because of the cats living inside it. The couple very politely helps take the plastic bags, which are filled mostly with stuffed animals. It was fun watching this couple talk with Art and attempt to pet Quincy, the big dog who is supposed to bite strangers not welcome them.

The last stop before they go back to their hotel has to be Ranch Market. It has been almost a year since Ranch Market had a fire, which closed the entire store. Everyone in South Phoenix has been awaiting the grand opening of this awesome store. So as we pull into the parking lot it is totally full and we have to drive around to find a space. As we walk to the entrance there are numerous groups welcoming you with loud Hispanic Music blaring in the background. As we walk in you are transported to a foreign land. It was so much fun to watch their faces as we got fruit drinks and were able to sample of a variety of free food. This was definitely best way to ‘top off’ a visit to Phoenix and our work in the Barrio. As we said our goodbyes I realized I was going to have to take off instantly to my lunch appointment.

We drove off with the loud music blaring in the background but were satisfied between my platano drink and the quesadilla from Ranch.

God Loves Thugs

I get in trouble at times for wanting to be inclusive in our approach to reaching out to our neighborhood folk. I love having my two older African American ladies, Wanda and Diane help with doing our BBQ’s all of the time. They aren’t your typical conformist church types. They enjoy helping but at times there can be some drama. Their mom, Mrs. Jefferson, is my spiritual advisor who I love and so much appreciate. She has been raising her grand and great grandkids over the last 20 years.

There are two more young teen guys who have been involved on the edge. Jalil is being raised by his grandma and I just discovered that his mom died when he was six years old. He isn’t exactly your scholastic type and definitely isn’t interested in much outside of playing a PS3 or messing around. He is always quick to forget most of everything. He doesn’t respond well to any type of pressure or push to conform. He would rather walk around the park then usual participate in much of anything. He has a neighbor who definitely looks like a ‘gang banger’ type. The challenge is that both of them have been left behind from the school system and socially are still back at elementary level or Jr. High context.

I know that I have blogged and shared about Shapelle, one of my first kids to love and learn from in the last 4 years. All of these ‘guys’ are similar in that they don’t have fathers and usually their moms are on drugs and can’t raise them. They usually are being raised or at least ‘housed’ by their grandmas. The difficulty is that most of their grandmas or uncles are clueless about life in the ‘hood’. This equates to them being able to get away with almost anything. There isn’t any easy way to intersect their lives besides just stepping in front of them and get hit like a moving train.

Usually most teens in this type of situation do their best not to fit in the typically church or youth group context. They want to act tough and look as if they are ready to take on the whole world. The reality is that they really are ‘cream puffs’ that so much desire to be loved and included but would die if anyone actually knew this. The journey is how to create circumstances where they can come and interact with adults that can love on them in a consistent fashion. I wouldn’t know Jalil or Eli if we hadn’t painted grandma’s house. I will never forget attempting to push Jalil to help paint his grandma’s house. It was like pulling teeth. He worked for about five minutes and then wanted to disappear or quit.

I am so appreciative for those who have decided to step up and get involved in a real way. It is making a difference and will impact these young men’s lives both today and in the years to come.

Pointless to Priceless

Last night we had our usual group of teens over for our dinner and discussion. We had great burritos or soft tacos depending upon your taste. Our discussion was a continuation from our Sunday night lesson on being brain-dead. How is it possible for someone who is able to see be blind? How is it also possible for someone who is blind actual be able to see better than a person with sight?

It was an interesting discussion as we talked about ways that someone could be blind to the truth around them. We also did some role-playing and asked what it would be like to be literally blind. How would this impact the way you live and do things? Obviously you can’t see and would need help getting around. We discussed how certain other senses would improve and compensate for your blindness. We talked about the sensation to all of a sudden be able to see. Wow! We also talked about what it would be like to be deaf. How would you know when the phone rang or the doorbell rang? Clearly there are ways to compensate for any of these difficulties.

So the real question was why would Jesus say that he came into the world to make those who see blind and those who are blind able to see? We dialogued about how it is possible to see but not really be able to see. We talked about how some people truly think they know everything and don’t need anyone or God. We also talked about what life is like without God – you are blind and as one of our teens said, “Life is pointless!” Yet, the other experience in life is that when you can see, truly see, then life is priceless! Imagine what it would be like to have never seen a sunrise and see an awesome Arizona Sunset. You have been to the beach before and could feel the breeze and smell the ocean but all of a sudden that smell turns into a visual image of sand, seaweed, greenish blue water and the sight of a fin sticking up in the water.

The key we really talked about was how is it possible to experience any type of redemption or reconciliation in life when you are spiritually blind? What I thought was amazing was having an older couple help out with their grandson. The grandpa made an interesting insight into a conversation at work about making fun of an older lady whose hair was all ‘poofed up’. It is so easy to be part of something that leads you into spiritual darkness without even realizing it. The teens were quick to say that you can be ‘sucked’ into thinking and acting a certain way that you truly are brain-dead and clueless.

My hope is to challenge my group, whether it been teens or 50 something’s with an appeal to look at your life and see how you ‘tick’. It is so easy to always be making fun of someone else or be one to critically slice someone and not realize that you are just as much in the dark. It is clear from Jesus’ life story that after healing this one man who had been blind from birth that the religious experts who were threatened by Jesus’ work attacked the family and man. The obvious came back at them, ‘We don’t know who it is that healed our son but he was born blind and now he can see!’ I have to come back with a similar statement that those who all of a sudden have spiritual sight can see life in the fullest context whereas those who are spiritually blind think they know everything and can fix someone else, yet the reality is that their life is a mess and they don’t know it.

So back to my teen that was asked what was it like to live before knowing God – Pointless! Yes to be blind to the real beauty and purpose of life is to be pointless.

"Slice and Dice?"

I was at a Southwest Church Planting Network meeting this last week. I was rather reluctant to attend because of the expense and ultimately didn’t think it would be of much benefit for the expense. I have to be honest and admit that it was worth every penny I spent to travel back and forth. I traveled with a couple of great friends on the plane both ways and also had opportunities to do lunch and dinner with these friends.

The main speaker for the Network meeting was a pastor – teacher type who now worked at a seminary and was overseeing a pastor’s summit. This summit was designed to help pastors figure out how to maintain their physical and spiritual health with their spouses. He has been involved with doing research with a grant from the Lily Foundation. He spoke to many of the myths and realities of doing church work. It is true that most pastors and church workers are under paid, over worked and not appreciated for their efforts. It was also true that most pastors are very competitive, struggle with depression, ego issues, fear of being venerable and have few real friends. The other genuine concern was pastor’s wives who are in similar situations and are often viewed as being ‘free labor’ where they are expected to do everything and be everywhere.

Bob, the facilitator did an amazing job of looking at the mechanics of helping make a pastor and wife have a better opportunity of having a healthy relationship, build the right type of friendships and be honest enough to hurt and find help. I know after leaving on Tuesday night after a full day of meetings I was refreshed and encouraged realizing that there is hope and a path to follow.

The real issue with this blog was the conversations we had at various stages of the trip. We always ended up talking about the tendency of most in our group to argue or slice and dice according to our differences. Whether this was over theological issues, worship practices or ministry models. The reality, which was admitted, was that most of us didn’t like larger group gathers because we end up on the defensive where either we are being attacked, trying to one up the other pastor or fearful of being exposed for our weaknesses in our personal life or ministry. We all came to the conclusion that most of us were competitive and didn’t want to ever ask for help.

I struggle with whether our larger group could ever really come together in a conciliatory manner to show real concern for even those who are different. It is too easy to allow our difference to become the focus instead of the obvious area of commonality. We joke about dotting i’s or crossing t’s, but this is the focus of many. I don’t consider myself sloppy but am more concerned about people and circumstances than conformity to someone else’s construct.

So what do we do? Avoid different people, meetings or books? Do I take up my ‘cross’ and pretend that this is my burden to carry? Or maybe a different tack, where I seek to out number my advisories? It is also easy to use a different source, i.e. Keller, and say go read his paper on the various groups within our larger group. I know that it is easy for me to say at times that I am open to other different views and practices as long as they don’t impose these on me and I don’t seek to impose my biases on them.

The real key is that we are all supposed to be about grace and mercy. Yet, the unfortunate reality is that most of us can give an excellent intellectual overview of grace but are clueless when it comes to living this out. How is it possible to know how to explain something but not experience it in a personal fashion?

Ahhhh Help!

Over the last six months we have had a brother and sister live with us who in all practical sense are homeless. Their mom has had them live with friends and relatives as she floats between the houses of friends. The mom is well intentioned in looking for work but there always seems to be something that causes tension, stress or drama that sees her lose her job before she is established. So this family has a history of being in an apartment for a few months, losing it and then living with a variety of friends. The challenge is that the friends the mom has are marginal types who usually are drug users. Regardless of the mom’s intentions in this situation she ends up drawn into the party scene especially over the weekends.

So now you have the Bennett’s wanting to bring stability to these two teens, knowing that they will end up in drug houses or be around violence. I know that I don’t want to enable the mom to continue her ‘wacked’ out lifestyle but I also don’t want her teens to crash and burn. So what do you do? We have attempted over the last 4 years to partner with this mom in getting her back on track. The sad reality is that she if anything continues to make horrible choices that impact her and her teens.

We were excited when the mom landed a great job that had real potential making enough money that it would actually provide for an apartment with out any governmental assistance. It was under this framework that we were willing to house, feed, provide transportation and support to her teens over a significant amount of time. The challenge now is that she has made poor choice, after poor choice and now is unemployed again. I am at a conference in Dallas on Monday and Tuesday this last week. I get a text from my wife saying that the mom is at the house totally unglued because her live in boy friend who was supposed to help pay for the rent of the new place had beaten her and tried to strangle her. She had tried kicking him out of the apartment with on success and then called the police. The end result was that she didn’t go to work and got a restraining order, which ultimately means she got fired. Ahhhh!

I ask one of her teens to call her and find out what is happening. The mom has this habitat of only checking in on her teens a few times a week. As typical the mom rails on her daughter for even asking the obvious question. Her usual response is that this is none of your business. She tells her teen that she needs to focus on school and leave the adult stuff to her. The challenge with this is that now both teens are burnt out with moms ongoing drama of losing jobs, having bad boyfriends and leaving them hung out on their own.

I am ready to sit the mom down and give her the ultimate talk on what type of parent are you?? How can you continue to hurt your teens, who you say you love but seem to have little ‘brain power’ to make wise decisions. How can you continue to hang out with friends that are getting high, who get you off track? Don’t you feel guilty a little for driving around with your boyfriend, who changes every weekend and giving your teens the typical line that you don’t have gas money. I know that if I give the tough love lecture that she will disappear with her teens who will end up living between friend’s homes or again left while mom plays.

We continue to dialogue with the teens about life choices, staying focused and choosing to rise above the drama. The unfortunate reality is that both teens are ‘bombing’ out at school. They are now at a point where they are exhausted with their mom’s drama. They are old enough that they can’t stand by and not say anything. The difficulty is that the mom doesn’t want to hear it from them. The son is old enough he could get a job and move out if possible. Yet, he lives in a fantasy world where he believes that his dancing or jerking will bring him fortunes via You Tube. The sister is attending a charter school this is way below her academic ability yet; she is failing at a few classes. She has become embittered and reflects her mom’s brazen attitude.

This is a mess that I truly want God to intersect in the right way. I don’t want to have these two teens end up collateral damage from their mom’s out there life style. Yet, after being around them for four years I don’t see the mom changing at all and see the only way that the mom will come around is when she totally crashes and burns. Is it ok to let to put the kids out in the cold, while the mom figures out life via the school of hard knocks or in this situation with boyfriends that strangle her?

My only resolve is to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. Ask for His direction, protection, wisdom and courage to face the mom and the evil one in this world.

Drugs - to do or not to do?

Last night in our teen dinner and discussion group we talked about drugs. It was amazing how quickly all of the youth hollered out that they weren’t going to do drugs or smoke. I know that many of these kids come out of homes where their parents and relatives do drugs. The topic of discussion was generated because of finding a bag of some type of cloves or spices in a little bag hidden behind our little trash in the downstairs bathroom.

As I am driving around picking up youth for our dinner and discussion it was interesting that a couple of the girls are in the same class where a few of their fellow students were suspended for having pot on them. One of their fellow students had ‘ratted’ these guys out. We talked a little about when it is ok to be a snitch. It was good that all of them agreed that snitched on someone with drugs or a weapon was a good thing.

The key of the discussion was why do people do drugs? What has to happen in order for that person to stop using drugs? It was clear that all of these students were around family and friends who are hooked on drugs and know how difficult it is to change courses in life. One of the kids who lives in this type of environment said the only way to kick a bad habit is by having a good habit to replace it. WOW! Way to go man!

As we talked, joked, laughed and also showed concern for those who are hooked it was clear that this was an important topic of conversation. We talked about how choices in life do have consequences that impact not only us but also those we love the most. We talked about a teen that had been in our group that just had a baby. The implications of being a 15year old mom are huge.

The unfortunate reality is that there will be like 2-3 kids in this group of 20 last night whose lives will be marred by drugs. A few of these kids have dads in prison for selling drugs and so they know first hand what can happen. I shared a little of my history with a few friends who did drugs in high school that OD. The real message, which isn’t as easy to comprehend, is that God made our incredible bodies and that we are called to care for them, nurture them to ultimately give God the attention, honor and thanks for our lives.

So as we finished up it isn’t easy to know how to help these teens stay on the right path. Everything around us pulls us into the drugs, hip-hop, rap and sex culture. My hope is that having open discussions with God at the center of what we say will draw these teens back to the ones who can help them stay on track.

Pleasant Surprises

Yesterday I spent most of the morning at a Social Security Office trying to get my dad’s Medicare sorted out. I am a little frustrated with how the system works and how you get down to the real facts to answer important questions about care for seniors. As I will say to most that there are never any coincidences in life or accidents. So after I talk to the initial person I find out that I was going down the wrong path to get my dad’s Medicare fixed.

I end up waiting for about thirty minutes in a large waiting area where they have windows where some staff helps you or you go into the back room, which obviously are little cubicles where you get help. Eventually my dad’s name is called and I end up with a middle aged Hispanic gentleman by the name of Victor. As we begin our work I start sharing with him what I do and he allows me to have a little window into his work, which is mostly with welfare recipients. He shares how he has raised his daughter’s son and what are some experiences for him in the real world. So I begin to share what we are doing with our youth, neighborhood and seniors.

As we talk I ask what church he attends and he mentions one of the larger churches in Mesa. As we are begin talking about his grandson he blurts out that he doesn’t believe in God. He goes on to mention his experiences in Vietnam and how that had hardened him to the church and his ability to believe. So this began a great intro to talking about why we had been connected for helping my dad. He was very open to listening and talking about his present church experience. He was definitely looking for a real friendship to help him understand the gospel. He made an interesting comment that his grandson just recently told him he didn’t believe in God but in evolution instead. So for the next 20 minutes we talked about life issues, God, church and helping people.

I invited Victor and his grandson to our painting project on Saturday. I hope he will come. Never the less I will see Victor again because of his interest in helping my dad’s situation. So each day I end up with new contacts and opportunities to talk with others the work we are doing and the gospel.