"Slice and Dice?"

I was at a Southwest Church Planting Network meeting this last week. I was rather reluctant to attend because of the expense and ultimately didn’t think it would be of much benefit for the expense. I have to be honest and admit that it was worth every penny I spent to travel back and forth. I traveled with a couple of great friends on the plane both ways and also had opportunities to do lunch and dinner with these friends.

The main speaker for the Network meeting was a pastor – teacher type who now worked at a seminary and was overseeing a pastor’s summit. This summit was designed to help pastors figure out how to maintain their physical and spiritual health with their spouses. He has been involved with doing research with a grant from the Lily Foundation. He spoke to many of the myths and realities of doing church work. It is true that most pastors and church workers are under paid, over worked and not appreciated for their efforts. It was also true that most pastors are very competitive, struggle with depression, ego issues, fear of being venerable and have few real friends. The other genuine concern was pastor’s wives who are in similar situations and are often viewed as being ‘free labor’ where they are expected to do everything and be everywhere.

Bob, the facilitator did an amazing job of looking at the mechanics of helping make a pastor and wife have a better opportunity of having a healthy relationship, build the right type of friendships and be honest enough to hurt and find help. I know after leaving on Tuesday night after a full day of meetings I was refreshed and encouraged realizing that there is hope and a path to follow.

The real issue with this blog was the conversations we had at various stages of the trip. We always ended up talking about the tendency of most in our group to argue or slice and dice according to our differences. Whether this was over theological issues, worship practices or ministry models. The reality, which was admitted, was that most of us didn’t like larger group gathers because we end up on the defensive where either we are being attacked, trying to one up the other pastor or fearful of being exposed for our weaknesses in our personal life or ministry. We all came to the conclusion that most of us were competitive and didn’t want to ever ask for help.

I struggle with whether our larger group could ever really come together in a conciliatory manner to show real concern for even those who are different. It is too easy to allow our difference to become the focus instead of the obvious area of commonality. We joke about dotting i’s or crossing t’s, but this is the focus of many. I don’t consider myself sloppy but am more concerned about people and circumstances than conformity to someone else’s construct.

So what do we do? Avoid different people, meetings or books? Do I take up my ‘cross’ and pretend that this is my burden to carry? Or maybe a different tack, where I seek to out number my advisories? It is also easy to use a different source, i.e. Keller, and say go read his paper on the various groups within our larger group. I know that it is easy for me to say at times that I am open to other different views and practices as long as they don’t impose these on me and I don’t seek to impose my biases on them.

The real key is that we are all supposed to be about grace and mercy. Yet, the unfortunate reality is that most of us can give an excellent intellectual overview of grace but are clueless when it comes to living this out. How is it possible to know how to explain something but not experience it in a personal fashion?