Thanksgiving

We are in San Diego about to enjoy some Thanksgiving Fare with the relatives. I know that we are on a little break from our work, yet, we both awake at 4:30am Cali time, 5:30am Phoenix time. We rise and I quickly remove a couple of the seats from our mini-van to enable our Mango to join us for a Thanksgiving trek around La Jolla Cove. We take a short detour via Starbucks to get some coffee and a snack.

We drive along an empty freeway braving the low fog on our way to the ocean and a great Thanksgiving morning. As we begin our drive along the La Jolla Cove area there are a multitude of parking spaces available that are typically full. As we park the van and get Mango ready for the walk we see a group of almost naked older gentlemen in swimming trunks ready to do a chilly morning swim in the Cove. We start our journey around the Cove and see another gentleman unloading his painting easel along with an incredible painting of the cliffs across from the Cove.

As we begin our walk along the Cove path I’m reminded of how grateful I’m for an incredible life! I have an amazing wife who continually reminds me of my need to open my eyes and take in the beauty of God’s creation. Today it is watching the waves crash into shoreline and little baby seals making their way onto the beach. As we make our way around the special path we see a dad and son going for an early walk. We see an older grandpa type riding a three-wheeler that is low to the ground. He quickly pulls up to greet us and offer Mango a treat. The treat disappears instantly into Mango’s carnivorous mouth.

We finish our early walk before most are up on this Thanksgiving morning of 2012. My mind reflects back to my youth with a mom and dad who always made Thanksgiving and Christmas very special. I can remember some of our family tradition was to get up early and watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. My mom would have gotten up real early to get the turkey ready to ‘pop’ into the oven. We would eat a light breakfast to be ready for our Thanksgiving feast. My mom was an outstanding military mom that could do everything well and always had an amazing spread for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I know that it was easy for my kids growing up to tire of some of their mom’s rituals or traditions. One of our Thanksgiving traditions, which is still practiced, is placing at least three m & m’s on everyone’s plate. Everyone had to think about the last year and mention at least 3 things they are thankful about. I know that this may sound like a silly tradition but it forces me to reflect on the bigger picture in my life. It is oh so easy to miss the most important things in life while I’m obsessed with material possessions that border on idolatry. This last year my Anne had a genuine cancer scare that forced my kids and myself to stop and realize that the one who makes our lives so special could be gone.

I know that saying thank you has become a lost art for too many. I play a game with most of my New City kids so that when they ask me for something I don’t respond unless they say please and thank you. I know that my mom beat into me that without saying please or finishing with a thank you meant I wasn’t going to get anything. I know that too often I treat God this way when I take Him for granted and seldom express thanksgivings unless someone rebuffs me. So I’m thankful this Thanksgiving to have an incredible life partner, a great family and an amazing opportunity to be used to impact the lives of kids, teens and seniors living in the middle of brokenness and poverty.

I know that my mom is in heaven organizing the feast for today as we spend our Thanksgiving lunch with Anne’s mom and dad at their senior complex. I’m so thankful for my dad’s improved health over the last few months. He is the one who teaches me the most about being thankful. Every time I see him he is so quick to say a hearty thanks for taking him somewhere or just sitting with him. He makes me feel like I’m the important one instead of him. Most of all I’m so thankful to my Heavenly Father for his ongoing care, love and provision!

Trust

I have been on a journey the last 6 years learning about trust. It is difficult to explain to someone who has always lived in a normal family with a home where everything is provided what it is like to live day to day not knowing where you are going to sleep at night and whether there will be any food to eat for breakfast or dinner. I live in a world where I’m perceived as being the one with all of the wealth and because of that I owe something to everyone. It is easy for those with little to make the excuse that finders keepers is the law of the land and that those dumb enough to leave something around deserve to lose it.

I know that as a kid growing up I trusted my parents to always do the right thing for me in life. I didn’t doubt their faithfulness or willingness to be there. I can’t imagine what it is like to grow up in a context where there isn’t any assurance that you will have new clothes for the school year, money to pay for the normal necessities such as deodorant or personal hygiene products that you can’t mention. I also struggle with admitting that too many people live in fear of someone either hurting them or taking advantage of them. I can remember one of my little guys having his brand new PSP taken from him by one of the neighborhood bullies.

I know that if someone were to ask most people whether there is still a problem with racism that most would say that was something that happened in the Civil War or the 60’s. There haven’t been any riots or KK rallies for years. Yet, I live in a community where the color of your skin or language you speak can determine whether you get a job and how much you are paid. I can walk into a setting with new people and because of the color of my skin it might be assumed that I’m out to take control and exploit those who have less. The sad fact is that there is much truth in all of the above. So why should someone who doesn’t know me be quick to trust me? Why should I trust someone who comes out of a bad circumstance not knowing whether they have been taught simple lessons about moral choices?

I admit as a teen growing up I did lots of dumb things that ultimately should have pushed my parents not to trust me. I can remember having to swear on a stack of Bibles that I wouldn’t sneak out with the car after getting my license. Yet, the first thing I did was sneak out to show off to my girl friend with the family car. It’s no different today as an adult. If you are the typical adult you can put your kids in a situation where there are double standards. I can remember the argument with some of my friends and their parents, “How is it that you, mom or dad, can do X but I can’t do X?” I can remember screaming back at my dad when he lost it and was swearing at me because I pushed his button over the length of my sideburns. I gave him the moral lesson about why would any mature adult use foul language.

I know that we shouldn’t judge someone or attempt to analyze them without living in their circumstances. Yet, it is so easy to assume that because a person comes out of a poor neighborhood that they are lazy, incompetent and not trustworthy and that someone that grows up in a nice neighborhood is the one to give a job. I have too many teens that have applied for jobs, done everything well but never get the job. So you ask the question why? How do I gain the trust of someone I don’t know? Is it possible to persuade someone in an interview that I’m the best choice for the new opening at Smashburger or Taco Bell? Obviously first impression mean everything and that the way I dress, talk and respond become key to everything.

I had an interesting conversation with one of my older teens. She has graduated from High School, gotten a job and even acquired a certificate to be a nurse’s aid. This gal has been a great help to a few of her teenage mom friends. She volunteers to babysit their little munchkins over the weekend. She will use her own money to buy diapers and provide for these babies because she sees herself as their God moms. The challenge now is that one of her friends is living with her and makes the false assumption that everything should be provided for her because she is the single teen mom.

My older teen friend has grown tired of the excuses of her friend when it comes to getting a job and trying to improve her circumstances. It is easy to see why my reliable teen wouldn’t trust her teen mom friend to follow through with much of anything. She doesn’t appreciate having to clean up after her friend. I would hope that one could learn from another about stepping up and being more capable of earning the trust of someone who later could be your friend and help. Why are we so quick to take advantage of a supposed friend instead of being more concerned about my wants?

I’m so thankful that later today I can trust the word of a good friend whose church is putting together Thanksgiving food baskets for all of my families. I know that most of our families will be surprised and truly blessed. Yet, I know there will be a few who will ask for something that wasn’t in their basket. I can’t stop this from happening much as I can’t force someone to say thanks. I remember when one of my painting grandma’s older adult daughters got mad at me. I would give out Christmas gift cards to all of my painting grandmas. This individual, who is in her late 40’s and lives with her mom, would get upset if I didn’t get her a gift card. Last year I purposely didn’t give her a card until after all of my grandmas got theirs. She was ticked at me but in the end understood the lesson she needed to learn.

I am so blessed to have a God who is trustworthy with the way He deals with me in life circumstances. I know that there are some things in life that you can’t predict or change from happening. My mom died from cancer and I did trust God to heal her and help her face her mortality. Just as I trust God with my dad who is now living in a great Memory Loss Facility where I know his caregivers will do the best for him and not skimp. I am learning that trust is something that is earned and once given shouldn’t be taken for granted or be used for one’s gain. 

Special Friends

I have had the great blessing of doing community events over the last 6 years. I have gone from having anxiety attacks to being calm and cool when events happen. I know that our first big painting blitz with over 300 volunteers happened with 10 houses being painted. Did everything go perfect without any glitches as far as I can remember it did? I do remember the night before getting the food for the lunch in the park that was last minute. The important point with the lunch was that Safeway donated the food through a special friend who used her connections to make this happen. I was a little concerned that the hot dog donation happened the night before. It was fun having some other special friends that were visiting from Las Cruces help get the 600 hot dogs for the lunch at 9pm the night before.

I have a memory of another large painting blitz the following year with over 200 volunteers. Yes, this one was a little less stressful because I had at least 10 key leaders or special friends that stepped up and made everything happen without a hitch.  I know that I got a little concerned when I went to a friend’s house that is close to the park where we hosted the lunch and discovered the garage door was locked and my grill and food were inside. Fortunately I discovered that everything does work out in the end. I was able to eventually get into the garage and the lunch was awesome.

Now I can look back after painting 65 houses and realize that I love doing community work and being an organizer that draws people both young and old from all over greater Phoenix and even all over the U.S. I was thrilled to have 7 different groups help make this blitz happen! We did 2 houses of low-income seniors in South Phoenix and then blessed another family in Guadalupe. I am so thank for friends like Tom and Kim who brought their business family of 25 to paint Marina’s house. I’m thankful for Cov Com (a church) and AAEC (a charter school) that helped paint Catherine’s house. It was George and John that came the week before and spent hours preparing the house. I was also jazzed that Phoenix URC and a Chinese Youth Group from a local CMA church could bless the Mitchell’s. This wouldn’t have happened without Matt and Phil taking the lead.

I have to also thank those who help fund these projects. I shouldn’t be surprised by God when it comes to how someone always steps up and helps pay for these houses to get painted. So as I look back at Saturday it was a glorious day where everything got done by 11am and the cleanup was done well. Now I’m thinking through the logistics of delivering 50 food baskets for thanksgiving blessings to our families that don’t have much.

Wow – I have so many special friends who do so much to impact our community that I at times can be speechless and overwhelmed. I no longer have anxiety attacks but instead have what I call the WOW experience of watching God work through so many different channels. 

Help!

I think everyone has heard the Indian Proverb from the older guy who has been married for ever and gets frustrated at times when his wife would unload on him and say, “Women, we can’t live with them and we can live without them!” (This is the sanitized version that doesn’t use damn.) I know that at times I can be the brain dead insensitive male that looks puzzled when my wife or one of my daughters is in tears and the world is quickly unraveling and despair seems to be reality. I usually end up being the calming agent that feebly attempts to bring sanity and peace into the situation.

Yet, I know that living and working with people that are in crisis 24/7 can impact my life and the life of my Anne. I know it is easy at times to be in denial about the hurt and brokenness that exists in my own life with my mom dying of cancer and my dad’s present situation with Dementia. I also understand that brokenness is present in all communities regardless of socio-economics and demographics.

We have had different people with us over the years to assist them in figuring out life and helping them get their feet on the ground. We had one of our Hispanic teens live with us in the late 80’s when we adopted our Julie and Jon. This was an amazing help and blessing to us as a family. Freddy was our kid’s superstar hero type and gave Anne and I the ability to adjust. We also had our sister in-law’s brother live with us during the same time. This was not as easy because he wasn’t as capable of fitting in our crazy family setting and Freddie loved to bug and harass him.

So as I talk about my present life choice to work with at-risk youth our experiences aren’t a whole lot different from what we did in the late 80’s. The opportunity is to see the bigger picture and be able to weather the storm of bad attitudes, talking back and lack of motivation to be different. Yes our house and some of the events we host can border on chaos but in the bigger scheme of things you can see a family coming out of our time together. I can remember getting into fights with my brother over the craziest things and looking back it was totally insane to let such petty things cause us to fight. Yet, I know that Mark will look back at his youth and say that I got everything given to me and he got in trouble all of the time.

I know that one of the key factors in having a healthy relationship is communication. I know that ever though I walk with my Anne and our herd at least once a day that I actually need to open my mouth and say something. It is too easy for the guy side of me, to want to stay in my man cave, and be in neutral. I should know at this phase in life that I have to open my mouth and engage my best friend and not make any assumptions about her spiritual or emotional health.

I might come across as if I’m capable of being an island or the lone ranger but truly don’t want to live in a vacuum where I’m it. I thrive on being around groups of people of all ages interacting and also love being with people on a one on one basis. I spent most of yesterday late afternoon with one of our new college interns. She grew up in Chicago and loves to work in an urban context with multi-racial kids. Yet, when I first saw her I was concerned that she wouldn’t fit and not have a clue about how to build relationships. As I’m asking probing questions I discover that she spent the summer in Detroit with a group very similar to us. She loves working with crazy teens in trouble.

As I listened to my Anne talk about her life circumstances in tears I responded also in tears in wanting her to sense God’s presence, power and mercy right then. I know that part of life is struggling together, working together and experiencing both victory and defeat. The focus really should be doing it together regardless of the outcome. I admitted that too often our goals are based upon performance and not grace. It is too easy to become your worse critic and think that life is horrible. Yet, as my mom would say often the cup isn’t half empty but half full. 

Meet Nancy our amazing intern!

I have been fortunate to have interns through ASU’s Service Learning Program that have become a huge asset to my organization, Barrio Nuevo Phoenix. We are a community development non-profit organization that works with multi-ethnic at-risk youth in South Phoenix.

One of my desires has been to get interns that reflect the racial diversity of South Phoenix, which is Hispanic and African American. This semester my “dream” came true in Nancy Ramos who lives in South Phoenix. She was born in Wickenburg and grew up in a first generation Hispanic family. After graduating from high school she joined the Army to see the world. Upon finishing her commitment, she returned to Arizona and got a job at Boeing.

Nancy has become an amazing part of Barrio Nuevo. She is very capable of jumping into any discussion with our teens whether it is in our mentor or life skills group. She can easily relate to growing up around poverty and racial prejudice. What causes Nancy to have such a huge impact are the choices she made to succeed and her life experience. Nancy refuses to let our teens make excuses about their circumstances but challenges them to take initiative and be different.

I want to thank Nancy for her heart to serve our youth, and ASU for having a Service Learning Program that is making a difference!