Trust

I have been on a journey the last 6 years learning about trust. It is difficult to explain to someone who has always lived in a normal family with a home where everything is provided what it is like to live day to day not knowing where you are going to sleep at night and whether there will be any food to eat for breakfast or dinner. I live in a world where I’m perceived as being the one with all of the wealth and because of that I owe something to everyone. It is easy for those with little to make the excuse that finders keepers is the law of the land and that those dumb enough to leave something around deserve to lose it.

I know that as a kid growing up I trusted my parents to always do the right thing for me in life. I didn’t doubt their faithfulness or willingness to be there. I can’t imagine what it is like to grow up in a context where there isn’t any assurance that you will have new clothes for the school year, money to pay for the normal necessities such as deodorant or personal hygiene products that you can’t mention. I also struggle with admitting that too many people live in fear of someone either hurting them or taking advantage of them. I can remember one of my little guys having his brand new PSP taken from him by one of the neighborhood bullies.

I know that if someone were to ask most people whether there is still a problem with racism that most would say that was something that happened in the Civil War or the 60’s. There haven’t been any riots or KK rallies for years. Yet, I live in a community where the color of your skin or language you speak can determine whether you get a job and how much you are paid. I can walk into a setting with new people and because of the color of my skin it might be assumed that I’m out to take control and exploit those who have less. The sad fact is that there is much truth in all of the above. So why should someone who doesn’t know me be quick to trust me? Why should I trust someone who comes out of a bad circumstance not knowing whether they have been taught simple lessons about moral choices?

I admit as a teen growing up I did lots of dumb things that ultimately should have pushed my parents not to trust me. I can remember having to swear on a stack of Bibles that I wouldn’t sneak out with the car after getting my license. Yet, the first thing I did was sneak out to show off to my girl friend with the family car. It’s no different today as an adult. If you are the typical adult you can put your kids in a situation where there are double standards. I can remember the argument with some of my friends and their parents, “How is it that you, mom or dad, can do X but I can’t do X?” I can remember screaming back at my dad when he lost it and was swearing at me because I pushed his button over the length of my sideburns. I gave him the moral lesson about why would any mature adult use foul language.

I know that we shouldn’t judge someone or attempt to analyze them without living in their circumstances. Yet, it is so easy to assume that because a person comes out of a poor neighborhood that they are lazy, incompetent and not trustworthy and that someone that grows up in a nice neighborhood is the one to give a job. I have too many teens that have applied for jobs, done everything well but never get the job. So you ask the question why? How do I gain the trust of someone I don’t know? Is it possible to persuade someone in an interview that I’m the best choice for the new opening at Smashburger or Taco Bell? Obviously first impression mean everything and that the way I dress, talk and respond become key to everything.

I had an interesting conversation with one of my older teens. She has graduated from High School, gotten a job and even acquired a certificate to be a nurse’s aid. This gal has been a great help to a few of her teenage mom friends. She volunteers to babysit their little munchkins over the weekend. She will use her own money to buy diapers and provide for these babies because she sees herself as their God moms. The challenge now is that one of her friends is living with her and makes the false assumption that everything should be provided for her because she is the single teen mom.

My older teen friend has grown tired of the excuses of her friend when it comes to getting a job and trying to improve her circumstances. It is easy to see why my reliable teen wouldn’t trust her teen mom friend to follow through with much of anything. She doesn’t appreciate having to clean up after her friend. I would hope that one could learn from another about stepping up and being more capable of earning the trust of someone who later could be your friend and help. Why are we so quick to take advantage of a supposed friend instead of being more concerned about my wants?

I’m so thankful that later today I can trust the word of a good friend whose church is putting together Thanksgiving food baskets for all of my families. I know that most of our families will be surprised and truly blessed. Yet, I know there will be a few who will ask for something that wasn’t in their basket. I can’t stop this from happening much as I can’t force someone to say thanks. I remember when one of my painting grandma’s older adult daughters got mad at me. I would give out Christmas gift cards to all of my painting grandmas. This individual, who is in her late 40’s and lives with her mom, would get upset if I didn’t get her a gift card. Last year I purposely didn’t give her a card until after all of my grandmas got theirs. She was ticked at me but in the end understood the lesson she needed to learn.

I am so blessed to have a God who is trustworthy with the way He deals with me in life circumstances. I know that there are some things in life that you can’t predict or change from happening. My mom died from cancer and I did trust God to heal her and help her face her mortality. Just as I trust God with my dad who is now living in a great Memory Loss Facility where I know his caregivers will do the best for him and not skimp. I am learning that trust is something that is earned and once given shouldn’t be taken for granted or be used for one’s gain.