Why the disparity?

I just returned from spending the afternoon with a dozen teens and a few college interns handing out cold bottled water to homeless friends in the downtown area. I always leave asking myself an important question when I see people in distress. WHY? What causes such disparity in life? Why is it always the case that some seem to rock the world and make it big time and then some always seem to bomb out and crash land to such an extent that they can’t make it on their own?

Last night we had a life skill group with a guest speaker who grew up in D.C. He came out of a home where mom had degrees but dad only had a G.E.D. My new friend is African American and went to an all ‘Black’ school in D.C. He was quick to share that even though the perception in D.C. is that it is totally a welfare city for the ‘Black’ community that he had many friends that were doctors and lawyers. He understood his personal ambitions meant that he had to do well in school and develop a passion for learning if he was going to rise above his circumstances.

After handing out cold water in 110 degree temps we visited with a good friend of mine who had been homeless most of her life. I love having this friend share her story to help my teens and adults understand some of the basics in life which they take for granted which are key in their life journey. She was quick to express how having a family, in this situation a Christian Community, made all of the difference between making it or failing. She didn’t blame society, family or drugs for her being on the street but her lack of motivation to rise above these circumstances to take ownership of her life. The difference today, which she would scream out, is that God has given her the ability to value her life and have a desire to pay it forward!

I had worked on a survey earlier in that day with my intern and a key student leader to better understand the community. Our hope is to better connect with those that live in South Phoenix and see the community be more equipped to use their skills and resources to help the community to become healthier and capable of caring for itself. I know that after listening to our new friend at the Life Skill Group that something has to spark the inner person to help get our youth and adults motivated to never accept mediocrity as a way of life.

I know I will continue to struggle with the why question in life when it comes to the vast differences of people’s circumstances. I know that it is easy at times to blame poverty, violence, gangs and drugs as the reasons why a community seems to always be in trouble. Yet, what I heard through our guest speaker, our homeless friend and another of our college interns is the simple fact that family does make all of the difference. We need to either reconnect with our family or be willing to find a new family that will accept us for who we are and encourage us to never quit or give up.

Jesus did say that the poor would always be with us. Yet, his real message was that we are called to care in tangible ways to see God’s resources shared with those in real need. The challenge is that too often we are too stingy to share our resources with those who seem to be unworthy. The reality is that I’m an unworthy candidate for God’s mercy and grace.  Yet, God chooses to love me regardless of my performance!

Court visit - GOOD or BAD Thing?

I had the privilege of being with a friend who had to visit court this week. I know that the circumstances under which this happened didn’t have to happen; yet stuff in life happens. I know that our justice system isn’t perfect and at times caters to those who have an education and means. Yet, I was impressed with how the State helped this individual who didn’t have any resources. This person was appointed his or her own lawyer who did an excellent job representing my friend and helping him or her do the right thing.

I know that often Justice is considered blind and that the scales that determine what consequences happen to someone seem totally unfair. I know that as a teen growing up in the 60’s I can’t remember ever getting in trouble for playing hide and go seek, cops and robbers or Indians and Cowboys. Yet, today I would get screamed at for using the incorrect terms to describe different ethnic groups. I wouldn’t want my grandson or granddaughter to be suspended from first grade for drawing any type of weapon and then showing it to someone. Yet, this happens everyday in today’s world because of the ongoing violence that happens in the home, at school, at church and in public places.

I know that understanding respect is a huge part of growing up as a youth to an adult. It was sad seeing too many individuals who came into court dressed as if they hadn’t changed their clothes in the last week, clearly weren’t concerned about how they looked and their choice of attire seemed to be more for hanging out then being in the presence of a judge who represented the State. I was truly impressed with my friend and their family who came dressed as if they were going to a wedding.

I know that the reality is that few understand the classical notion that there is always some type of consequence for making bad choices in life that end up causing pain and suffering to an individual and ultimately to a family, a neighborhood, a city or even a nation. I know that the tragedies that have taken center stage in the media for the last year or two have been truly saddening. Fortunately my friend’s action doesn’t fit these types of breaking the law but in today’s setting what we say does take center stage and we can end up being judged for our speech whether our actions live out our jesting.

I know that few cherish waiting hours for being able to sit in a courtroom and listen to a judge cite various statues from a state legal document. My prayer was that my friend would learn a valuable lesson in life that verbal actions do matter and that once you allow racism to take center stage everyone is hurt and that the consequences for saying something that seemed harmless could land you in jail or a detention center.

While we were waiting for what seemed an eternity I was surprised to see a continual flow of families that were celebrating with one another as they welcomed a new member to their families. It was exciting to see a multi-racial party being thrown in the midst of those being tried for serious offences. This brought back incredible memories for my Anne and me. I could remember almost 25 years ago when we did the same thing. We had the privilege to adopt two kids. I know that looking back it seems like a haze but the reality it was one of the most important choices and actions in my life. As I gazed at these excited moms and dads with both little babies, toddlers and youth I knew that they were making a step that would impact them and these kids for a lifetime.

I can remember being able to get a picture of our judge who actually signed our documents that entitled our new family to become the larger Bennett clan. I was an emotional basket case in court because I knew that the consequences of my friend’s actions could see his family hurt from his poor choice of words in a verbal harangue with someone they didn’t like. Yet, the day ended on a high note as I saw the court as being an institution that helped right the wrong in today’s society. 

Innovation?

Yes I have to confess to being an Apple addict, as my wife would say. This goes even further when I catch one of my teen guys watching the WWDC 2013 conference via the Apple Site. I chuckle when I get a text showing the new IOS and OS software revamps that ultimately will change our lives or will it? I especially appreciated the various blogs and tech articles about how Apple how lost it because they hadn’t reinvented the wheel in the last 8 months since the Mini-iPad was showcased.

I know that it is difficult to sometimes admit that the future isn’t always something that is beyond our wildest dreams or imagination but maybe sometimes it’s doing the same thing but in an extra-ordinary fashion. I have chuckled at the various ads that mock different Apple products. I will be the first to admit that there isn’t a perfect anything out there that will satisfy my every whim or lust at the present. The challenge is that our culture has almost taught us to be dissatisfied with what we have in front of our faces.

I understand that dreaming, branding and vision have become almost a cult in our culture. I also admit that failure is so much a part of figuring out what is next that it isn’t always easy to keep trying. I know that both Henry Ford and Thomas Edison would be literally blown away by the advancement of modern day technology, yet both of them learned the simple lesson of perseverance. Winners never quit and losers always quit. I do understand from my youth sports experience that learning to be a gracious loser is very much an important life lesson. It is easy to win and act and believe as if you are better than the other teams. The reality for most of us is that we are not going to always be winners and we won’t figure out something the first time we do it. (Yes, I will have to watch a high tech video to better understand the IOS 7 or the OS Maverick and actually be able to use it to my advantage.)

I always chuckle when I get a text from one of my non-high tech pastor friends. He prides himself, until recently, in choosing to avoid smart phones and social media. Yet, the reality for all of us old guys is that for us to stay in touch with our kids and definitely our future grand kids high tech life will be part of that expression. I have to remind myself that yes texting is quicker and easier but real face time communication is preferable. Yes, I confess to the fact that I won’t always answer a number on my iPhone that I don’t’ recognize.

The highlight of watching the WWDC 2013 for me was listening to one of the Apple Gurus, Phil, give a rather interesting comment back to the naysayers that want to say that Apple died with their founding master, Steve Jobs. When he was introducing the latest Mac Pro with all the greatest innovation and a reduction in size that is unbelievable he said something hilarious – we don’t do innovation then he mentioned his ‘posterior’ and burst into laughter with the 1,000’s at the conference.

I know that anyone who has studied the pyramids in Egypt or in Latin America will be dumbfounded to understand how such a supposed uncivilized people could build such an amazing structure! Here is innovation and creativity that goes beyond our high tech craze of today. I think too many really believe that there isn’t anything from the past that can have substance or relevance in our high tech age. I’m humbled as a student both of history, philosophy, science and theology to see that the ancient truths come back to guide in ways that are even more important than the latest IOS update or windows 8 or whatever that is being pushed.

I think the important lesson to be learned is to understand the importance of not totally obsessing over the latest and supposed greatest advances without understanding the basic elements of what makes life unique, refreshing, exciting and also frustrating. I’m amazed that our high tech world can’t live together. We are in the middle of a NSA battle over privacy with our beloved texts and cell phone calls. I was reminded last night about the importance of friendship and servant leadership when a family came over to our house at 8pm with cleaning equipment. They understood that my wife, who just had surgery, wasn’t capable of doing housework and needed help. Yes, they could have used some high tech vacuum or mop like device but instead used common sense, elbow grease and TLC to impact our lives.

Yes, I will most likely get the latest iPad Mini when it comes out. I can remember getting the first iPhone but I didn’t wait in line for hours for any of the Apple products. What becomes more important is making technology serve my family, those I care about and myself. Innovation should give me more time with those I love!

The Greatest Gift - Giving of Yourself!

I will be the first to admit that having my Anne break her ankle wasn’t my choice for the summer activities. We had planned to go to Yosemite and hike Half Dome or Cloud’s Rest. I had wanted to do another Flagstaff trip over a long weekend. I know that my primary goal is to love my wife back to being able to run, hike and walk with our dogs. I can see in her attitude how difficult it is to be confined to home, the couch, kitchen table or our bed.

My Anne has always been a helper and doer so it is so tough on her not to be able to fix everything and let other people help her. I had to ball her out because of trying to do laundry, change our sheets and do the dishes. I have produced a couple of gourmet meals in the last week, which she has so much enjoyed. I know that she really wanted to do the dishes and make sure that the kitchen is clean according to her standards. I’m a great cook but not as good at the ‘clean up thing’.

Last night we had a pork roast with all of the extras. I had master minded a great dinner with the only drawback being the pile of pots and pans in the sink. I really wasn’t too keen on having to shift gears after a relaxing dinner to have to play busboy and dishwasher. I had received a text from one of my teens about coming over to print out some documents for something taking place. Little did I know that his whole family would make an appearance.

As the garage door opened to the entire Flores family, I realized that they had come to scour the house from top to bottom. I could see in the look of my Anne’s eyes that she could believe what they were going to do at 8pm. I selfishly knew that Maria would clean the kitchen, YES! and put everything up. I didn’t expect to see the mop and broom machine between Diego and Sammy. I was totally overwhelmed with how all of them pitched in and had our entire house cleansed within an hour or less.

I know that it is very difficult for anyone, my Anne or myself included, to be able to let others do our housework. I was so humbled and blessed by this act of kindness. I was almost in tears. I quickly made a special milkshake with bananas and strawberries. It was the least I could do to express our thanks. The cleaning army finished and put everything back in place and was just as quickly gone.

One of the ultimate signs of God being at work is when people choose to do things that they haven’t been ask or told to do. I hadn’t asked Sam, Pita or Diego to come over and clean for extras cash. They could see my Anne who is couch bound and knew that this would be a huge extra for us. I was so thrilled to see the carpets vacuumed and so clean in addition to all of the bathrooms be spotless.

I’m so thankful that partnership and being gospel centered does have huge dividends. I don’t serve God expecting anything in return but I am blessed every day. Just as I help people all of the time hoping that this will motivate them to step up and do what’s best for their situation. Last night was a fantastic reminder that everyone is able to give of themselves. The best gift a person can give is themselves to help another. 

I Can't Believe That My Anne Broke Her Foot!

The last thing I would ever wish upon a person is to experience pain and the agony of breaking a bone. I can remember my son experiencing a broken arm thanks to football and his interception that turned into a touchdown that wasn’t welcomed by the opposing time. The opposing team went after him in the next play and he ended up in the ER. This last week my Anne slipped during the last leg of a hike. What she thought was just a twisted ankle turned into a nightmare. She actually broke her ankle and need surgery.

I had already run down the trail with a few of the guys that can fly like the wind. We had hiked the South Mountain Summit Trail and a few were bothered by the heat so I decided to run down and drive up to get them. Anne was going to hike down the trail with the dogs and we would meet her at the end. I secretly was hoping that she would have stayed at the top of the trail and waited for me but she didn’t. I would have done the same thing.

After dropping off a few of the teens at my house I went back to find her. I called and actually got her to answer her cell. She didn’t sound too great when she said she had fallen and twisted her ankle and was limping back to the van with the dogs with a couple of helpers. I quickly got back to the trail which is just minutes from our house. I was so hoping and praying that she would just have a sprain. We went back to the house and she iced her ankle as I took home the remainder of the teens who had hiked.

Fortunately for Anne there is an urgent care just minutes away from our house. We pulled up and I helped her hobble into the lobby and get a seat. I eventually get her a wheel car to be whizzed around while at the urgent care. It turned out that there was actually a foot doctor who was at this location a few times a week. She was able to seem him. After an x-ray it was clear that she has broken her ankle and would need to have surgery. I couldn’t believe I heard him say the word SURGERY. Anne had just had surgery last summer. How could this be happening to my Anne? I felt so bad for her.

We went back to the consult room and listened to what type of surgery would be required to get her back up and running. The doctor described how he would have to put a screw and plate on her bones to aid in the healing process. There was no way to get around the need for surgery. This was the bad news, which no one wants to hear about their kid or especially their spouse. The good news was that the doctor had surgery openings the following day. So his staff quickly arranged for the procedure to happen at 3 pm. We went home totally shocked at what was going to happen the following day.

We actually debated or I should say argued about whether we should allow this Foot Doctor to do the surgery or pursue using an Orthopedic Surgeon to do the surgery. Anne has worked for Ortho Doctors for over 25 years and knew the issue between them and DPM’s. I just wanted her to have the surgery and not have to wait a week. We talked with other family members and between ourselves and finally when the hour approached we went with the Foot Doctor. Anne was very apprehensive about the surgery but the procedure went really well. I know that the doctor sensed this and most likely one of his staff informed him of our questioning his skill level.

As we pulled into the hospital entrance we were fortunate to have one of the staff get a wheel chair and direct us to the surgical center. We went through signing our life away with numerous forms. I picked up this fancy pager that texted updates of the surgery. I decided to get something to eat while waiting. There was a sub shop across from the new hospital. After enjoying a roast beef sandwich I went back to waiting for the text and then call. Finally the call came that the surgery was over and she was in recovery. The Doctor came out and assured me that everything went really well. He was ready for the weekend with his family. Little did he know that Anne would take over 3 hours to recover from the anesthesia.

I received another call from the nurse explaining that Anne didn’t want to wake up and was feeling horribly nauseated. Ouch, I knew that this might happen because she doesn’t do well with drugs. So I went back and saw her with this dazed look on her face. She didn’t want to open her eyes because the world was spinning around her. I had to keep waking her because she has low blood pressure so the alarms would keep going off. The next couple of hours went very slowly as she eventually was able to awake and eat a little without having it come back up.

I was impressed with the charge nurse who was quick to see the problem. We were able to get a small wheelchair for Anne to maneuver back at the house. It was quite a bit of work getting her back up and ready to depart. She definitely didn’t want to stay at the hospital for the night. I wanted her home and able to start resting and recuperating.

She slept on our couch for the next 4 days before she went back to the doctor. She had a real cast on that had to be removed and then she was placed in a normal ace bandage with her air boot. I was surprised to see the incision, which had 15 staples but looked clean and not infected. I know that the sentence that was passed for her slip on the trail would be 2 months of being off her foot. This was the last thing my Anne wanted for the summer time, which for us is very active.

I cried myself to sleep the first night we were back at home after the surgery. The reality of what was going to happen was setting in and my need to be there, be sensitive and caring was to be very important. I knew that our summer program schedule would have me out and could end up making Anne feel like she is being ignored. I actually cancelled our involvement with a VBS and then also a joint worship service.

I know that Anne will be the perfect patient who will follow the doctor’s orders to the full extent. I now pray that I can be an encouragement and special friend over the next 2 months while she gets back on her feet and is able to walk and then run. I do look forward in the fall to hike back up the South Mountain Summit Trail!