Can you bounce back?

I’m asked often how do you do what you do? You seem to have boundless energy and never seem to need sleep? I have to be honest that often I surprise myself when it comes to the impact that passion has on your ability to stay focused, finish well and be ready for more! I was listening to a discussion on talk radio about the ongoing issue of being burnt out. What surprised me, not really, was to have this person being interviewed be honest about their inability to disconnect at times with their work or passion. Is it possible to turn off your iPhone or Droid and actually do nothing? The ultimate issue for this successful gal was she couldn’t sleep at night.

It is easy for me to get a high from dealing with emergency life issues that are around me. Too often we define our lives by a checklist, possessions, positions and your ability to be an influencer.  Is it possible to be the energizer bunny but also the slug that finds that favorite couch and actually lays horizontal? I confess to the fact that too often I only get 6 hours of sleep. My wife is an early riser, like 5am, so we can walk the dogs before the crowd comes out and be ready for our day before 7am. I also like to stay up late on occasion. So at some point you hit the wall and need some real rest and downtime.

What I enjoyed about listening to this one talk show program was the fact that the leader decided to change the work paradigm in her company. She saw the need to detach and not be controlled by a smartphone 24/7. My wife is reading a book for her clinical studies on the same topic and focuses on how to be in the middle of crisis and not be overwhelmed. I know that most want a 1-2-3 approach to handling real life issues. What comes across through personal experience and the influencers around me is to first admit that you are too busy doing things that aren’t important. Yes, I might not be the best at managing my time or seeing through the tyranny of the urgent. So I do need to take a step back and catch my breath.

I work with youth and adults in tough neighborhoods where most live in crisis and believe personally everything is always an emergency. So the expectation usually is that I should drop everything I’m doing and help. I react to this a lot and usually don’t do knee jerk reactions out of principle. Yet, I am beginning to understand the impact of always living in broken situations has on an individual where you don’t have the skills to bounce back or rethink your view of circumstances. So what are some practical steps in learning how to bounce back and rethink your paradigm of how you do life?

I admit that I’m addicted to my high tech tools or toys. My goal each day is to spend down time reading. I love using my iPad to read and rest. Yes, I actually go home and get on my bed and read with one of my dogs next to me. This might be as much as an hour or just 15 minutes but it always energizes me for what is up next. I know it would be so much easier if there were a pill to pop or some type of self-hypnosis but I need to take ownership of my life and not allow circumstances to control me. So it is possible to take time whether that is in your office, at home or driving in your car to catch your breath? Maybe it is listening to music instead of hearing about the latest tragedy or actually doing nothing.

This CEO type of person on the talk show admitted that it was totally their choice to be controlled by their high tech toys and trade sleep for a few more e-mails. I doubt any of us will wish on our deathbed that we had spent more time at the office or stayed up till 1 am responding to e-mails.

The Difficult We Do Immediately but the Impossible Takes a Little Longer!

Today I remember and celebrate my dad’s life! He turns 84 in heaven, if they keep track of age or birthdays in the celestial kingdom. I know it has taken me a long time to see the real picture of Ed Bennett. I recently attended a funeral of an older friend who I had worked with in a church setting close to 30 years ago. What struck me at his life celebration is how easy it is to be around someone and not necessarily know them in a real life context. I know that could also be true of my dad. He lived a troubled childhood because of his parent’s divorce which left him on the outside of two families.

It wasn’t until after my mom’s death after a long bout with cancer that I heard the rest of the story about many of dad’s experiences in life. I know that all families have their little secrets that can taint the family name or legacy. I seldom ever remember my dad complaining about anything. He was always positive and willing to face any obstacle that came before him. It wasn’t until after my dad had lived around us a few years that a close friend of his from the Air Force paid us a visit. It was during breakfast at Coco’s that I heard my dad’s friend share his journey and how my dad had influenced his life to such an extent that he went from being ready to drop out of his Air Force career to someone that excelled.

I could see that this wasn’t easy for Bill, my dad’s friend, to share his life story about being discouraged and ready to quit. My dad at this juncture of his dementia couldn’t do much of anything but just listen. I’m the one that benefited from Bill’s choice to come for a visit and share family history. As Bill unfolded a few of my dad’s sayings, which he had obviously penned 30 years ago, it struck me how influential my dad had been on many. I had never heard any of these saying before but Bill spoke these out in a fashion that it was clear he had lived by them since he met my dad as a young Lieutenant. My dad was always someone who didn’t allow fear of failure to ever stop him. He had told Bill that the difficult they do immediately but the impossible will take a few days to finish.

It wasn’t until after our breakfast time together that Bill very graciously put together his our thoughts about my dad on paper. I was brought to tears as I realized what type of man my dad had been in the Air Force. It was clear that many looked up to him and he wasn’t afraid of the military machine! As I reflect on my dad’s care taking of my mom over a decade as she faced the effect of cancer it became even clearer that he practically understood what it meant to face the impossible. He watched his lady struggle with life over 10 years of their lives together. He never quit or gave up but was always ready to face a new day with a smile and an attitude of making life better regardless of the circumstances.

As I honor my dad for his life, serving his country for 20 years and being my dad from day one I can’t forget the last month I had with him and how he would always smile regardless of pain or frustration with his memory loss. He would always tell me that he loved me and appreciated getting out from his home at Clare Bridge. I had a total surprise when one of my interns, that had visited my dad often, sent me a picture of her playing bingo with my dad with the strangest of smiles. He was having a blast and my intern had someone else snap a picture of her and dad. I have cried often today as I reflect on my life and how richer it is because of a man who was willing to do the difficult without complaining and then tackle head on the impossible!

Ontological Query?

What should be the important questions or queries you pursue in life? I have spent a good portion of my life living my passion and have the privilege of that also being my career. I know that not everyone is fortunate to have a job that they love so as someone posted recently I haven’t worked in three years, referring to the fact that their job isn’t work. I love the study of philosophy or the reflection of what is the essence of life in today’s world. So I get jazzed to see someone post the following questions, who am I, who is important, what do I need to know, what do I want to do and why do I exist? (Thanks to Brooke Allen for writing his article, ‘Want to be an entrepreneur? First ask yourself these five questions.)

As I get older and a little bit more experienced in life I question why I have spent a good portion of my life attempting to please somebody else or follow the latest fad in my life focus? It is so easy to believe that the latest post on LinkedIn or whatever ultimately defines life or gives me that boost to discover my passion. The passing of my dad and attending the funeral of a family friend has brought to the forefront in my life what really matters in life? What will my family and friends say about me after I’m gone? I’m so thrilled that he pursued his passion in life to the exclusion of family or close friends? So I applaud the post that asks what are the most important questions in life regardless of whether you are a self-starter or entrepreneur or just someone who is average in life but understands what it means to do ordinary things in an extra-ordinary way.

When was the last time you saw a blog or post that has been highlighted that asked the age old question, ‘Why do I exist?’ I know that the pursuit of understanding life or as I stated in my title what is your ontological query must be addressed more and more? So questions that go back to the beginning I believe help define who you are and empowers you to become your best. So why am I here? What is my purpose in existing? What really matters the most in my life? Why do I pursue things that ultimately leave me frustrated, empty or not satisfied?

I know that self-discovery is a huge part of everyone’s life journey. As I look back at my life it is easy to see how I have been slow at pursuing my real passion until the last 10 years of my life. I have lived close to my passion but have allowed others around me to define who I’m without being more honest and reflective about what makes me tick. It is easy to say don’t work at a job that you hate but what if you aren’t able to get a job that is your passion in life? What if your passion in life doesn’t provide the means to live a normal life? How do I learn how to balance my work life, which I have to do each day with what makes me tick? It is easy for those that have the means to live without working to judge those that live the average life or make them feel a lesser person.

My hope is to help myself first to live my passion and not be ashamed to tell others. I want to be a catalyst that can empower others to discover that life is worth living and that experiencing the power of God’s transforming grace and love is the beginning of being able to answer the important life question.

Another Day, Another Beginning!

I can remember one night watching a CSI type of show that was based in New York. It was actually a well thought out story that focused on an aging Veteran who had fallen on tough times and was homeless. One of the detectives had given his aging winter coat to the Goodwill. Little did this detective expect to get a call a week later that someone who was wearing his coat had died on the street from exposure from the New York winter. The call was made because his name was on the interior of the coat. This began a journey for this detective to find more about this man and then eventually have him buried in a military cemetery.

I know each day thousands die unnoticed by the world around them. Few worry about remembering these forgotten children of God whose lives slipped away without notice. I had the privilege of attending the memorial service of a close family friend. I had some sense that because of this individual’s talents, resources and passion that the service would be full of amazing music, vocals, testimonies and a living example of what happens what someone invests in another. Little did I expect this to last three hours, yet I was captivated the whole time as it brought back memories of my youth in an old downtown church where I cut my youth worker’s teeth, watched my mom and dad get involved and then see a multi-cultural faith journey be birthed in my younger brother.

I had decided a month prior that we would attend this funeral not knowing that my dad would pass a few weeks later. I know that it is too easy at times to be around people without really knowing them. I admit that the individual whose funeral we attended was someone that typically scared most people because of his stature and incredible voice that got your attention. I must admit that some of my impressions of this saint were a little off as I listened to student after student of his share their story of how their professor, mentor and friend had shaped their lives with God’s help. I laughed as each shared the story of listening to voice messages on their phone answering machines being reminded of this professor friend checking up on them.

As I listened it struck me that I could have had the many whom my dad had taught over the years stand up and share the same type of story of how Ed Bennett showed them that facing the difficult is just normal life! My dad’s passion to even embrace the impossible would be faced with the adage that this will take a little longer to attack and accomplish. I admit that entering into the large aging sanctuary of First Presbyterian Church is difficult for me as it brings back a large assortment of memories. I can remember my initial reaction to this very traditional church with a 20-foot pulpit that I had mocked over the years to the large 70-voice choir. Now it has become a reflection of my youth and now my adulthood that I see it as part of my life and I sense my faith home.

My parents had found a home at First Pres. that saw them make close friends over the years. As everyone aged together and saw their kids get married, have kids and for some even great grand kids. The reality is that now most are watching their friends fade into eternity. We have been back often to this church home to give our blessing and thanks to close friends who have lost a dad, mom, son or daughter. What struck me with this incredible tribute to a man who was able to transform a life and create beauty was a sense that this was intended for both the masterful musician, vocalist and also the untaught ear, like me. I was left again with a very difficult thought; how do you say thank you to someone who has loved you into this world and walked with you through all of your victories and defeats? I admit that I cried through most of the service not for our friend who is now directing the heavenly choir but for my dad who I desire to honor and cherish as this saint had been this day.

How do you say thanks to an incredible mom and dad that raised you to see the beauty of life and instilled in you a passion for excellence? I know that my challenge is to come up with a simple statement that expresses the essence of two lives that changed my world over the last 60 years. I struggle with thinking that a life will become a plaque on a large wall in a gigantic military cemetery. How is it possible to capture a life in a sentence?

I’m thankful that my heavenly Father is the one who welcomes the famous and unknown into his celestial mansion where each is received and given a place in the eternal glory with the same angelic celebration!

Cemeteries and Memories

We usually go to San Diego to enjoy family, Filippi’s Pizza and the beach. This weekend we traveled across state lines to attend an older friend’s funeral and visit the Rosecrans National Cemetery in Point Loma. I’m still struggling with the passing of my dad. I’m thrilled that he can be with his Lady in heaven and enjoy their heavenly condo but I’m left without a mom and dad. Yes, I’m an adult who is actually capable of figuring life out without mom or dad here. Yet, the reality is that I miss them and would have preferred them to be here awhile longer so they could be around for all of my kid’s weddings and the onslaught of great grandkids.

One of the more interesting assignments during my freshman year in my English class was to write our own obituary. The teacher wanted us to step back and see the bigger picture in life and begin to understand what the real essence of life should be. We did this obituary and then had to write ourselves a letter that she would somehow send out 10 years later. I have to be honest and admit that I totally forgot about this letter that our teacher kept. I’m even more surprised when I received this blast form the past. I admit that I wasn’t a great writer in High School but expressed my heart in the letter that was reflective of how great a mom and dad I have and the fact that I wanted to be like them as I grew up.

As we drove through the aging but beautiful Point Loma Community on our way to Rosecrans National Cemetery it brought back many memories from my past. I didn’t have any place I could call home because we moved every couple of years. This didn’t mean that I was homeless but that my home was truly with my mom and dad. After my dad’s passing it was now time to decide the final resting place for my mom and dad’s remains. As a kid growing up we didn’t make a big deal about visiting the graves of my grandparents, yet, I had this sense that I wanted a place to come on a yearly basis to reflect on the lives of Ed and Peggy Bennett. I don’t want to let time and the busyness of my life to stop me from honoring the two who gave me life.

I had looked online at a few pictures of this incredible Military Cemetery that was strategically placed on the edge of the ocean and bay to remember those who had served their country and given their lives. I was totally impressed with how perfectly the grass had been maintained and cut. You could actually smell the grass in addition to the ocean breeze. The cemetery had perfectly aligned headstones that were all the same in rows that dotted the green landscape that abutted the ocean. As the sun reflected off the ocean and through the trees it did seem an amazing place to allow my mom and dad to be together for our benefit.

How do I purposely not allow time to stop me from reflecting on my mom and dad’s lives and how they impacted my family and me? All of the quirky little things that define a family are what make incredible memories, even the dumb choices I made that I can now laugh it. I don’t want my brothers to slip off the edge of my life and become casual acquaintances that we see every year or so. I want to be there when my niece graduates first in her high school class or my Aaron decides to trek around the world to discover the true meaning of life for him. I want to brag about my grandkids as if my mom and dad were here to spoil them. Yet, none of this will happen unless I intentionally do something to help make memories and then design a way to keep those memories fresh in my life.

I confess that as we finished looking around this historic cemetery that I cried both tears of joy and sadness. As I realized that many in this cemetery had lived shortened lives because of sacrificing themselves for our country and me. I understood that my parents were blessed with normal lives that allowed them to see of my family history unfold such as we adopted Julie, Jon and Heather’s wedding and then grandpa was able to see Julie wed Chris and finally our Jon wed his Jodi.

I hope the Lord will bless me with great memories and the occasional dream to bring back my childhood that was special and an amazing life gift from Ed and Peggy Bennett my dad and mom!