If it ‘ain’t broke don’t fix it?

I know most are familiar with an old adage that would remind us that if something seems to be working don’t mess with it. The challenge with this mindset is that all too often I really am broken and am too afraid to fess up and be open to getting help. We had another reminder about how broken we are as another near tragedy almost happened in a school in Atlanta. Fortunately the one who was one the edge was helped by someone who understood how to help by listening and directing and adverted another tragedy.

It isn’t very popular to talk about the brokenness that exists in today’s society regardless of what community you have been birthed around. Suicide is still one of the main ‘killers’ of our youth regardless of skin color or socio-economic up bringing. I had lunch with a friend yesterday who talked about his teen struggling with difficult issues. I met with another friend this morning that also echoed what it was like to have an adult daughter or son be disconnected over different issues. I also talked with someone about the need to address mental health or wholeness issues on the campus of the largest University in the U.S.

I have been raised in a culture where it isn’t typical for the average male who wants to be viewed as successful to open up and admit that they struggle with identity issues and view themselves as being failures. I know that showing any signs of weakness in many settings means you might lose your job, if a youth get beaten up by a gang member or in a family be laughed at by a dad or uncle. So why would anyone want to open up and admit to being broken when the usual response will be laughter or a quick slam?

I’m hoping that a new trend to talk about real life issues will become more prevalent on college campuses and high school campuses will talk about why teens too often hurt themselves for what appear to be no apparent reason. I know that as a parent of adult kids it is a huge learning curve to accept that the perception of my kids is what becomes reality whether I believe it or not. My being right in any situation had better not become the deciding factor of whether I relate back to my family members.

I’m learning that all too often what I have in common with others is our shared brokenness. Often as I relate back to friends young and old few come out of intact families with a mom and dad who are still together. Everyone has been impacted by the poor economy with the loss of jobs or houses. Sadly to say the social media which has changed the face of the world also becomes a battering ram for too many that are left devastated by a remark by a friend. I know that someone’s choice to hurt themselves can be a byproduct of a viral Facebook post or something on YouTube.

It’s time to go back and admit that we are in a broken society where the sooner we talk in a more open fashion about our wounds the sooner there can be wholeness and peace instead of anger and bitterness. I admit that my brokenness too often is something that I hide instead of sharing. 

Pursue excellence!

We live in a world where pragmatism and even common sense at times rule our actions. I believe that common sense especially is an amazing help to decision making and understanding the real essence of life. The challenge is that being pragmatic doesn’t mean that just because something works doesn’t mean that it is the best or preferable path to pursue. I know that there have been numerous books written that portray the path from good to great. The cost for pursuing excellence is great but ultimately worth it.

I work with at risk youth and adults who typically have never seen nor experienced many or any who have pursued excellence and have been willing to pay the price of giving of themselves to achieve greatness. The challenge is that the pursuit of doing something that matters requires everyone on this journey to ask for help, advice and coaching. I will be the first to admit that it is so easy to act as if I know it all and truly suited to be a life coach that pushes and motives others to go from seeing the cup half empty to half full to overflowing. The reality for myself is that I need someone to push me and help me be more aware of my need to be fresh and spiritual alive.

I had met with a good friend yesterday who asked a tough question, ‘How do you stay on top of life when you are always giving and going?’ I tried to explain that this was a very difficult question to answer because the path to spiritual wholeness isn’t the same for everyone. I proceeded to describe my normal routine of getting up early with my Anne, walking our dogs on the canal, praying, talking and just being together. Yes, at times I actually take naps and read. I shared the simple facts that having a variety of close friends who are different but share similar passions help in the pursuit of wholeness and embracing excellence.

As we sat around a tall table at Burger King in my neighborhood our group of 12 talked about what has to happen to motivate someone to go from being a procrastinator to someone who plans enough to be ahead of the proverbial eight ball.  One of my guys, who is a college freshman, confessed to his procrastination and said something that shocked me, ‘I want to be better at being ahead of the game which means I have to plan ahead and keep a schedule.’ As I listened and saw the eyes of my guy light up I knew that he was starting to get want it means to pursue excellence in everything you do.

I know that my goal isn’t to say copy me and follow my lead but there is a sense that everyone needs a special friend, teacher, dad or grandpa to push to not quit and see that if you are going to do to something that matters do it WELL! (This would have been my mom if you are going to do anything at all do it with all your heart!) 

Do passionate visionary types have to be jerks?

I confess to the fact that I have become a rabid Apple fan over the last decade. It’s the fault of a close friend who’s a graphic artist that persuaded me to get a MacBook Pro over 7 years ago. My life hasn’t been the same as I have come to appreciate my iPhone, iPad, Mac Air and iMac.  I am also someone who is older and understand the power of passion when it is directed in a constructive fashion. My question as I have been involved with doing community work over the last decade is why do most passion people end being up jerks that brutalize those around them. (This seems to be a common trait in the business world, non-profit and church world also.)

I admit that I went and saw the JOBS movie before seeing the Butler. Yes, the Butler movie is much better and shows a great deal of U.S. history that we all should be ashamed of because there weren’t enough passion types for civil rights in the White House. I’ve read a lot about Steve Jobs and Bill Gates over the last year but have also looked at the civil rights movement and different individuals who were willing to ultimately lay down their lives for their passion.  I definitely see the benefit of someone who is willing to never give up when human rights are at the center.

I am not the most creative person but attempt to learn from those around me that have more ability to bring life to pen, paper and video. I know that my passion can persuade people to get involved with making a difference in the life of another and see the implications of becoming a giver instead of being all about yourself. I know that my hope is to help those who are broken and forgotten have a sense of purpose and belonging. Those who have much my hope is to push them to do something with their lives that really matters, ala TOMS.

The challenge I see is that most people who are passionate and have vision aren’t always the easiest to be around and follow. The JOBS move reinforced the fact that Steve Jobs was really a jerk whose passions meant that his friends who helped him birth Apple were viewed as minions because they weren’t key leaders. It was also devastating to see someone who you might idolize be a failure as a dad to a daughter whom you birthed. My purpose in writing isn’t to attack the mega leaders of today but realize that even the little guy, you or me, can learn how to be passionate but in a way that draws people together for a purpose that is capable of doing great things without putting people into boxes for the rest of their lives, i.e. you are a failure or you are a rock star for the day.

I know that those who are passionate perfectionists won’t settle for anything less than what they believe to be the best and this will leave collateral damage around them. So there will be a tension between those that are passionate doers and those that are along for the ride. I recently read a book by Bill Gates Senior that showed the flesh and bone side to the Bill Gates the billionaire. The simple message of this book is that often there is a mom, dad or grandparent that has been the inspiration for someone who does end up being a game changer who influences many.  So now is a great time to discover your passion in life! Do something that makes a difference and leaves a legacy. 

Creativity can be the path from brokenness to wholeness.

I had the privilege of listening to a young friend share her life story at our life skill group. She comes out of a different racial and socio-economic background from my diverse group. Yet, as she began to share what it was like as a 3 year old to have her dad cheat on her mom, the eyes of my teens lit up. Her story really wasn’t much different from the stories of my teens, that couldn’t believe that someone that looked like her didn’t have it together and was really a clone of them.

I have to come to understand that everyone deals with their hurt and brokenness differently. I read lots of articles today about how recent college graduates end up working at low wage jobs. The reality is that everyone is experiencing disappointment and brokenness because of circumstances they didn’t create. As my friend shared her heart and went deeper into how she held back her emotions over the years make it tough to trust men. My group identified with knowing how to forgive and not have a grudge against a deadbeat dad that is never going to care or be there.

My friend seemed to get bogged down answering the same question about dealing with hurt, frustration and anger from most of the group. My hope was to have her be specific about how her dance and acting pursuits had helped work through the heartache of her dad’s poor choices. She was quick to share that even though her stepdad is an awesome person it took years for her to let him into her life. The real question is how do we overcome circumstances which we didn’t cause and not allow them to stop us from succeeding and experiencing life to its fullest?

What is fascinating is that most of my group enjoys listening to music, dance and self-expression even though they don’t perceive themselves as being capable of much. My friend’s story got one of my teens to open up in a way that I hadn’t heard before. This gal is an academic genius type, an incredible dancer and overachiever who confessed that this was her way of dealing with her dad’s absence in her life. She too admitted that she doubted everyone around her and even God because of her dad not choosing to be in her life.

What became apparent as we listened to each other is that expressing yourself is so key to finding wholeness and seeing brokenness and anger take a backside. The difficulty is that we are too concerned at what others think and what will they say if I decide to pursue what I love. My friend made it clear that her acting and dance passion had to be supported by a job that she didn’t love but had caused her to do the simple things like; show up on time, be a person of integrity and go the extra mile. This has worked in her favor as the company allows her to take months off to travel and do child theater.

As we finished our time of soul searching and being honest the sense was that all of us were still processing our past and hoping that we could get a handle on how forgiveness works. The lesson that my friend brought before us was that going after what you love in life is so important. Yes, being creative and thinking outside the box seems to help bring perspective on the disappointment and brokenness we have in life. I was thrilled to see how well my actress friend brought light to the path to wholeness for my teens and myself. 

Attitude Check!

I have great memories of being in college living with a group of guys in an old adobe ranch house that was over 100 years old and had many ghosts from the past looming around it. We were fortunate that the owner who had cattle on approximately 100 acres of land didn’t really care much about this historic building. So we were able to get by with only paying around $15 a month for each of us for rent. This meant that necessities like plumbing, water supply and an ongoing challenge with large insects fell to us. We also faced a few challenges when the rancher would gather up the calves after they were old enough to be sold. We always had a few of the cows make their way into our old ranch house looking for their wayward ‘kids’.

It was during my stay in this ranch house that I discovered that not everyone were morning people that woke up with a smile and a got get it type of attitude. I had one roommate that I seriously believed needed psychiatric help because he always woke up with a frown, took forever to move and always gave me this look of get out of here before I do something I will regret. Looking back I realize my roommate was the typical college student and I was the odd ball that loved getting up early and loving life.

I have been taught from birth that our attitude so often determines the outcome of our day, week or month. I was given the simple analogy of the proverbial cup being either half full or half empty. I really didn’t think that this was that big of a deal until I had kids, got involved with working with all types of people and now living in a marginalized neighborhood. I see that too often a person’s attitude is the determining factor for whether this person gets a job, finds a mate or actually enjoys life. I have been fortunate to have an attitude of gratitude most of my life. It is the one who has a frown and is the naysayer that always bothers me.

So what actually determines whether a person becomes a half full versus a half empty type of person? Is this strictly a mental exercise that one practices daily or is it some type of genetic code that you are either cursed to be a grump or an early riser that annoys everyone? I definitely see the result in what happens with the person who is willing to rise before dawn to organize their day and be prepared instead of the person who is sleep deprived and struggles to do simple tasks. I know that saying thank you was something that my parents drilled into me to realize that everything I have is truly a gift that initially was a byproduct of my parent’s life choices. Yet, as I’m around too many that have grumpy attitudes and would rather snooze and loose then rise and shine I see the impact of having an attitude of gratitude.

So make the decision now to be a person who can have an attitude of gratitude and seek to see the good in others and in yourself! Watch out grumps and half empty types the world isn’t going to be run by you.