A Tribute to an Exceptional Mom!

I know it is easy at Mother’s Day, Christmas or birthdays to act as if your mom is truly the best in the world. I truly wish it were the case that all moms were equal but they are not! I’m around a few moms that unfortunately leave their kids behind. It’s sad but true and I’m blessed to have some special friends that have become like second moms to our kids and teens. I’m very fortunate to have had a mom that was truly exceptional in her way of loving me and teaching me about life.

I was at Hermoso Rec Center on Friday with a group of our kids just hanging out. One of the staff, which has become a great friend, showed me a video about a teen that died from cancer. This teen was incredible in the way that he faced his own death by choosing to live his life to the fullest while facing his own mortality. My friend who was showing me this clip didn’t realize that I was crying as watching. I have a mom who was just like that teen that faced death by choosing to live and not be selfish but taught me some rather critical life skills.

I was raised in a great home with a mom and dad who truly cared. My mom was one that taught us both by her actions and her little life lesson times. I was raised knowing that it was just as much my job to clean up messes, as it was my mom’s or if I had a sister. I was taught from an early age that any job worth doing was worth doing well. I couldn’t walk away from any situation and give up. Yet, as I live my life today there are too many that just quit and give up way too easily and settle for the ‘dregs’ of life.

I had a mom who gave herself to her kids 110%. She was the type of person that was always cheery, honest and quick to speak her mind. She taught me about the importance of developing friendships. We moved every three to four years so she was the master of packing, unpacking and making a new home seem like an old home. I have memories of being dragged around the neighborhood to be introduced to our new neighbors. I never lacked for friends because of my mom’s outgoing personality. Sure this bugged me at times! I can remember when I was a junior in high school and my mom was driving me to school and a friend ask me if my mom was my older sister. My mom wouldn’t let this one ever go as she repeated this for years to come that she looked so young and good that even my friends thought she was a teenager.

The biggest gift my mom gave me is a life lesson on how to face death. Yeah, this is a rather dreary topic to write about on Mother’s Day but because of my mom’s positive way of looking at life and her faith in Christ, she taught me that even though everyone dies not everyone lives. (Not her words but some Christian Band.) I will always remember the last 10 years of my mom’s life on earth. She was diagnosed with breast cancer, had surgery and instead of waiting to die lived a full life. I will cherish the memories of her figuring out different ways to cover her ‘bald head’ during her chemo treatment that lasted for years. She was always in the middle of my life, my kid’s lives and the lives of my brothers and their families.

I can remember going with her to chemo and watching her sit as they put the needle in her arm. She would sit for an hour or so while they put the poison into her body. My dad would take her to Denny’s once a week to just enjoy pancakes and some coffee. It was during her last year or so that her ability to comfort me was incredible. I was the one that should have been holding her and expressing my love for her, don’t get me wrong I did try. Yet, most of the time she was the one telling us she loved us, made sure that we didn’t have anything between us and then expressed rather clearly that one day she would be gone. My dad struggled with this and for a portion of time was in denial about the severity of her disease.

My mom and I share the same birthday, which is truly a gift. The odd thing about this was that she didn’t discover this until she applied for her Social Security. What’s weird is that her family celebrated her birthday the day after mine. As she filed for her Social Security and got a new birth certificate that showed her birthday as the same as mine. I mention this because the last time that we were all together was for my mom’s 78^th birthday. My mom was in horrible condition and lived with constant pain. She didn’t complain much and was always more concerned that we knew that she loved us and would one day be with Jesus no longer suffering.

What made my mom exceptional was that she faced her own death in a positive way not pretending she was ok but being honest but not allowing her circumstances to stop us from being a family. I know that this impacted my kids and especially my niece and nephew who had been raised by grandma. Looking back I should have realized that my dad was also suffering with memory loss issues that made it almost impossible for him to face what was happening. I can’t fathom the heartache and sense of loss he experienced as he watches his best friend literally waste away over a few years.

I can’t finish on a down note so my memory of my mom that is truly special was when I received my Eagle Scout award at the age of 13. I got all of the credit for this special award but the truth of the matter was that it was all because of my mom’s involvement in my life that I was able to finish 21 merit badges in less than two years. She was the one that took me all over the place and taught me that hard work is nothing to fear and that in the end you get huge dividends. I will always remember the look on her face at the Eagle Scout Court when I was able to pin on her my Eagle Badge as way of saying thanks to a mom who was always there for me.

Mom, I miss you! I know that one day we will be back together again! Please know that I truly appreciate the love you shared and the life lessons you taught me. I have an exceptional mother who made life my life the best!

Discover your potential!

What makes the difference between someone that has an extreme passion for life and the person who fades into the background? What has to happen for a person to become excited about life and chooses to do something that ultimately makes a difference in society? How often can we fall on our faces before we either quit or make it? What has to happen for a person to go from having potential to making their life count?

I sat and listened to an older friend share his frustrations about his work situation. He had been able to do what he truly loved and was clearly successful at it and for some reason his circumstances had changed so much that he really believed he couldn’t any longer be himself. He was distressed and ready to walk away. I’m not sure whether he wanted me to tell him what to do or just listen. I decided to just listen and allow him to follow his passion.

I’m around many teens and young adults that have lots of potential but often choose to do nothing. I get frustrated when I see someone that could make it on their own become totally dependent upon governmental assistance or act as if I have some moral obligation to provide for them. I had a text from someone who had gotten kicked out of their house because of their inability to control their ‘tongue’. This same person wasn’t willing to go back and make amends so I decided not to do anything to help. Another young adult who is in just as tough a situation decided to apply for a job and actually got it.

I can remember seeing the transformation in this individual’s face look incredible. They had a smile on their face and seemed to have more energy than before. I had a long conversation today with another young adult that was helping prep houses for a painting blitz tomorrow. They had also been through the ‘ringer’ and didn’t have much happening that would encourage them to do much of anything. Yet, a job opened up cleaning at night and this individual decided to go for it. All of a sudden this person was smiling and acted as if life was truly worth doing.

I know that it is so easy to make excuses and allow the God given potential that you have be wasted or never used. I totally get the fear side of life where you can become almost paralyzed because of circumstances that are seemingly impossible at the moment. I also know having been around many that have faced tragedy that tomorrow can be a better day. It might not turn out the way you expected but you can get a second, third and fourth opportunity to use that God given potential in such a way that your life is better and the life of those around you are impacted. Yes, it is always amazing how one person’s success can become contagious to those around them.

I know that not everyone has the exact same opportunities in life. I also know that we can take something that isn’t a big deal and turn it into a game stopper if we aren’t interested in looking beyond our present circumstances to see a different future. So what has to happen for you or me to discover the potential that is there and do something that counts with our lives? I believe it comes back to whether we have discovered our passion in life. It also has lots to do with whom we allow to be around us. All it takes is a friend who is inspiring to push us to do something we seriously didn’t think was possible. Just as it is sad to see the wrong group push someone to fall into the dark side of life and make poor choices.

Real question is whether you want to discover your passion and live your life to your potential and beyond? Are you willing to live according to the status quo around you? Are you willing to risk failing in order to discover what you are meant to do with your life?

Don't Worry Be Happy or Joyful!

I have lived most of my life on the edge where I’m dependent upon others to see my passion be lived out. I know that we aren’t supposed to worry about anything and that God provides. Yet, the reality is that often God chooses to use people that aren’t necessarily dependable to accomplish his purposes. I have to raise funds to do our neighborhood work. My salary and future are dependent upon a few faithful supporters that are so amazing. It has been 8 years since I had what would be deemed a normal job. I love what I do and the freedom to live out my passion, yet at times I have that proverbial dream that I’m broke, can’t pay bills and don’t have the means to help my kids, teens or adults in my community.

I know that Jesus himself tried to get his disciples to look around them to discover how the birds of the air don’t seem to toil or have nervous breakdowns and live perfectly content lives, yet, we seem to worry about every detail. It isn’t easy to trust God for anything whether it is deemed little or big. I have some friends and family that are the perpetual worrier types and drive me crazy. They don’t seem able to relax and step back and see the bigger picture.

I’m learning that happiness isn’t what I’m actually after. I know that there will be days where I’m stressed, disappointed and even upset at some injustice that will drive me to the edge. I will have kids and teens that I have great hopes for seem to hit bottom and go through a melt down. Yet, as I age and live my life in reverse at times I can see in the bigger picture that God is truly amazing, is trustworthy and does keep His promises regardless of my faithfulness. What is more important isn’t my happiness level but whether I have the inner sense of confidence that God is in control and will be there regardless of the weather, traffic, bank account or foolish choices I make.

I have learned to pray the prayer that Jesus taught his disciples more often over the last decade. I know that just as God provides for my duck family that I feed each day he also provides for me in a variety of ways that I need to step back at times and be better at considering. I have gotten into the habit of taking pictures of the sunrise all of the time. (It could be perceived also as sunsets.) These pictures help me sense the immense greatness of the creation and also in many ways how small I happen to be, yet, how God truly cares about me that little spec on planet earth. This gives me hope that the future will be better and that I have lived through some rather difficult circumstances that I have come to see what is really important in life.

Why is it the case that I still continue at times worry about finances, the future and getting my way? It is just good old human nature that forces to always look inward and not be as quick to say thanks to God, my wife, family and friends. It is so much easier to complain and nit pick than it is to say thanks and become a person with an attitude of gratitude. So Bobby McFerrin does have a point with pushing the envelope by saying DON’T WORRY!

Jesus also said that worrying wouldn’t ever produce anything good except stress and ulcers. My choice is how I approach each morning and whether I choose joy over anxiety. So look at the sunrise or for me my duck family and realize how good I actually have it and stop making a mountain out a molehill!

First Job SMILE!

I know that there is nothing necessarily glamorous with working at McDonalds, Burger King or a call center. Yet, the reality for someone that is living between friend’s homes and doesn’t have any real family support is that this becomes a lifeline. This makes all the difference between feeling like your world is ready to cave down all around you and your life isn’t worth living. It is amazing the lift that you get when you are able to live on your own without a whole lot of help or help from people that are out to take from you and put you down.

It is exciting to see someone get their first paycheck and realize that the future really is in their hands and that they have the power to change the world. I get excited when I see a teen or young adult get their first job and realize that this quiet and rather subdued young person is being transformed into a responsible adult that now can rock the world around them. I tire of seeing youth and adults that live as if it’s everyone else’s responsibility to provide for them!

I will remember the look of one of my teens coming home after her first day of working after school. She had this glow on her face that was contagious and a smile that was truly incredible. This same individual a few weeks before had gone through hell because of her dad’s dysfunctional tendencies. I have many teens that have parents that have been in prison most of their lives and their hope is that some day they will be there and care in a hands on way. The reality is that this most likely won’t happen which is very sad and tragic.

One of the key ingredients in helping someone turn the corner in life is having a sense of hope where tomorrow can truly be better then yesterday. I know that a first time job situation isn’t going to provide for a real family but it gives the experience and sense of accomplishment that will motivate someone to keep trying and pursue the next step in life. Otherwise another person ends up believing the lie that the government or the church around the corner is going to provide for them forever.

Yes, I loved seeing the big smile on my teen after her first long day at work after doing school!

Mucho Thank You!

This last weekend we painted three houses of low-income families with the help of many hands or manos from the larger community. It is always amazing to see how quickly we can paint the exterior of a house when we have 25-30 volunteers working on a house together. I’m thankful for having so many friends that are willing to come out for three hours on a Saturday morning and make a difference in the life of a neighbor. I think that too often people truly believe that they don’t have anything to give to anyone. I’m thrilled to disprove this to anyone who is willing to come out and get paint on themselves and a house.

I want to highlight Maria Cathelina for a moment. She’s a Hispanic grandma who has a very alive faith. Her house was in great need of being painted but didn’t have the resources to make this happen. She has a friend in the neighborhood that called me and asked about whether I would be able to help her friend Maria. She described Maria’s house as the one with the big trees that clearly needed to be painted because the yellow paint had faded or peeled off so the block was exposed.

Maria was blessed to have some of my close friends bring their ‘business family’ to paint her house. They were very much ‘go-getter’ types that dived into painting the minute they pulled up into her cul-de-sac. We also had a small youth group from a local church paint with us for the first time. So as I said many hands make the job go much faster and because you are having fun doing this the time flies by!

As we started to paint Maria eventually came out of her house to greet everyone and demanded that we all stop. She welcomed us and then said she needed to pray for us so we all had to put down our brushes or rollers and listen. She was very thankful for our large group of adults, teens and little kids. She prayed for us both in Spanish and English. I could sense as she prayed how blessed we were to have met her and now be part of her extended family.

I noticed as we were painting that her neighbor was in a wheelchair and had recently been in an auto accident. Unfortunately she had one of her legs amputated. I had one of my Hispanic friends talk with her about painting her house. She was excited about the potential of us helping her. She explained that she had sons who lived with her that had jobs. When we returned to pick up the ladders and supplies I had Maria talk to her on our behalf. I said that we would actually paint her house in two weeks. Her eyes lighted up and I was thrilled that we could have many manos come to be a blessing to someone that will appreciate this show of kindness.

As we finished painting we had Maria come back outside. We always have the entire group circle around the family of the house that we have painted. We give each family a Bible that everyone that has helped paint signs it. I Had Kim, our key leader, express her thanks first to her group for their help and then to Maria for the opportunity to share God’s love in an amazing fashion. As we finished Maria said with a loud voice, ‘MUCHO THANK YOU’!

We have painted over 90 houses in the last 6 years and every time we finish I have this great sense of blessing and accomplishment. I knew that Maria will become a good friend who will help us find other grandmas that the community can recognize and bless!