Life Isn't Fair?

I have faced a few tough times in my life. I had a close friend who had lived with us when we were first married. I will never forget the day Andy went out hand gliding and we joked about whether I would get his Honda 350 or the VW Bus. As we watched the news about a Cal-Poly Student being killed in a hand glider accident I never in a million years expected to hear a knock at the door. It was the police asking us if we knew Andy because he had our address on his license. I think I had vivid dreams about Andy’s death for months after it happened. His mom’s reaction to all of this was ‘Why God’ my son was only 20 and it just isn’t fair!

I will also never forget the roller coaster life we had with the birth of our daughter Heather who was born 3 months premature and weighed 2 pounds. This two was one of those nightmare types of experiences where she wouldn’t get better or wouldn’t die for almost a year. We lived between the hospital and my parent’s apartment for months. There wasn’t any miracle type recovery but Heather did grow and eventual came home and is now a normal 31 year old that has been married for 9 years. I know that other preemies in her unit died because they had drug parents who didn’t care. It is easy again to say why God. Why is this young life punished for the sins of its parents?

I watched my mom over a decade face a struggle with breast cancer. She seldom ever complained. She was an inspiration to me on the practical how to of facing life both with the good and bad. She always had a great outlook in spite of how she felt. She did suffer greatly the last year of her life. I struggle again with the why question. I will always remember the morning my dad called to say that she was gone. I cried so much because I had wanted to say good-bye to her. I was a little jealous that my younger brother Scott had been with her the night before and had an opportunity to love her. I doubt that whole in my heart that has been left with her absence will ever be filled. I know deep down inside that God’s loving care was there for my mom and dad. The last few months were tough because all of us wanted so much for her to get better but it was clear this wasn’t going to happen. Yet, I was so grateful that God allowed her to be well enough to see my younger brother, Scott, graduate with his PhD. She had to be wheeled to the seating area but she was the proud mother who truly glowed because of her son’s success.

Last night we did our normal walk the dogs on the canal route with grandpa. It was a beautiful night as we walked. There was a group of horses being trained to do barrel racing. There were only a few out either biking or running with their dogs. Little did I expect to have our evening end with a nightmare that I will replay in my mind for years to come? We have done this same walk at the same time for the 3 years we have been in South Phoenix. At times there is no traffic and at other times it is almost impossible to cross. We have crossed at times together and also gone on and loaded the truck while the other crossed. This night was going to be a sadly different story. As I got to the busy street I decided to go ahead and cross with the puppies and Truly. We made it across without any difficulty at all. I unlocked the truck and was in the process of putting keys back into my pocket when Truly for some reason pulled away and I lost her leash. This will always stand out in my mind – How could I have not held on to that leash. I screamed loudly, TRULY, TRULY STOP!!! Yet, the pull of seeing Graham and Rosey and Anne pulled her into the street and now oncoming traffic. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her tiny little body bounce underneath this speeding black car. The driver was clueless about his murdering of my little dog. This totally made me come unglued and then to see Rosey pull away from Anne to rescue Truly was even more unfathomable to witness. I ran across the street as a caring gentleman pulled to the side and helped Anne get Truly and now Rosey. I took Rosey across the street and knew instantly that she was gone. She had tried to save Truly who she loved to bug and play with all of the time. Now the back of my truck bed became their bed as I drove home furious with anger that something as senseless as this could happen.

As we pulled into the driveway and the garage door opened I was filled with rage that these little creatures could be so brutally killed. They deserved to live and die of old age not be run over by some idiot driver who was more concerned about getting home 5 minutes faster than paying attention to what was happening on the side of the road. I quickly got some towels in the garage to gently place these little dog bodies. We took them to the back porch to clean them off. I sat there in total disbelief that this had happened. Why, why God did this happen. I wouldn’t let my dad talk to me. Everyone came over in about an hour. My Julie sat there for an hour holding her little Truly who had brought so much joy to all of us over the last 6 years.

I was not in any mood to do a funeral but Anne in a supernatural way stood up and extolled the beauty of God’s creation in our little dogs. She very eloquently expressed her heart for the reality that sin has ravaged our world and that those who deserve to be hurt the least are at times hurt the most. We were all in tears and there wasn’t much comfort that night. Everyone left and I went to bed with the little puppies. My Anne stayed up to pen two incredible poems about Truly and Rosey. My dad was obviously upset and paced the floors all night.

I woke up and knew I had to go buy a pick and bar to dig a grave big enough for both of the dogs. I returned and slowly spread back the rock and started to dig into the dirt/mud. I decided to use the wheel barrow to put the dirt and slowly made headway. I got some plastic and emptied the wheel barrow 3 times before the hole was big enough to cover our two little friends. I finished in time to look for pictures to print out for Julie who I knew would be an emotional basket case. Anne read her poems and we put the pictures out. We allowed the dogs to say their good-bye to Truly first and then to Rosey. I then took each of their little bodies and placed them in the hole. I then began to refill the grave with dirt and then eventually covered it with gravel. I was actually sore from the manual labor of digging the hole and was again reminded of the impact that my sin has had on the world and especially little animals like Truly and Rosey.

Yes our lives will be different without these amazing little dogs. They brought joy and happiness all of the time. There was never a dull moment in our household because of them. Yes, it was chaotic at times but we loved the chaos. It will take a long time for the memory of my little Truly being hit by the black car to be erased from my mind or maybe it never will. I will always remember Rosey as the crazy ghetto dog that chased after Truly to save her. If only I had been so concerned to have done that for my little Truly. Graham knows that something has happened and even the pups miss being attacked by their mom and then will miss the chance to bark at or bite at Truly.

God please bring comfort to my family in this sad time. I can’t wish a tragedy like this on anyone. I am comforted by the fact that Jesus cried when he saw Lazarus even though he knew he would be raised from the dead. I pray that one day we will all be together again and will be able to walk on the heavenly canal and toss the ball for hours on end.

Good-bye my little friends, you have left an amazing impact on my life and I will cherish the memories and pictures of you forever!