Fatherless

Last night we had our normal Tuesday night dinner and discussion. After having spent most of the day at a JV Court and still hurting from the trauma of being around many who are fatherless or have fathers who aren’t there I sensed we had to talk about the impact this has on everyone. I was rather shocked when I asked the group to raise their hands of those who didn’t have a dad. Most of the hands went up and then the remainder was still made up of a few that had dads but they weren’t there for the family.

What is the impact of the fatherless generation being raised? I asked how does it make you feel when you know that your dad doesn’t care? Hands shot up quickly! Voices blurted, hurt, upset, mad, angry and the complaints poured out. I also asked how does this effect your view of men? The answers that came out were interesting. One of the girls, new to the group, shared that her mom had told her that being fatherless pushes you into having a boyfriend too soon where you end up throwing yourself at him.

We talked about the impact of being a broken person. We talked about the spiritual dynamics of putting back together failed relationships. The obvious discussion was how could you have a relationship with someone who isn’t interested? Why should I reach back to someone who isn’t there? Why should I act like an adult when my father doesn’t care? All of the responses were totally true from a human perspective. How can I be motivated to love someone who has always ‘stiffed’ me or purposely left me out? Isn’t it the dad’s responsibility to do something and not mine?

I asked the group what are some things that they could do to get on the road to mending the broken relationship? Simple responses, try, don’t give up, be persistent, care when it hurts, listen and most of all ask for help and let someone else know how you are feeling. The clear message that came across was everyone is hurting from these failed relationships but no one wants to talk about it. They have been raised to cover up for their deadbeat dads.

As I sat there and listened it struck me that I didn’t have a clue what it would be like to be raised without my dad. I shared a couple of silly stories about doing crazy rebellious stuff against my dad. I was totally selfish as a teen and didn’t realize the impact I probably had on my dad. The amazing story for me was that my dad was always there for me regardless of how I treated him. Few of these teens will ever have this experience.

My hope is that regardless of what their dads did to them that they would be different as they grow up. Jesus does have a way of impacting a person’s life where he will take the broken pieces to a person’s life and put them back together. Anne has this ancient Ostrich egg from Ethiopia. I asked if it would be possible to piece this egg back together after I tossed it on the floor. The quick response was yeah you could piece it back together but it would never look the same. Yeah, God can put the pieces back together but they won’t look the same and that is ok. God does have a special heart for the fatherless.