Real Punishment?

I spent most of the morning till lunch with one of our teens. We were in a JV Court setting where he was being given some type of diversion program for skateboarding on school property after hours. I went along to help drive and be a support for his mom who doesn't speak much English. The PO was interesting in that he wanted to know about the family life more then whether Stick Boy was good in school, etc... I am assuming because I was with him the PO knew that he had some support behind him. It was clear that the dad didn't have anything to do with the mom or the kids, especially Stick Boy. We had a translator via the phone who helped the PO get his requests across. The PO asked numerous times about the dad and why Stick didn't like to talk with him and slowly it came out that the dad worked and that was his contribution to the family. The mom is really nice, also works outside the home and parents the three kids at home. As the PO is about to give Stick his assignment it hit me that he was going to ask for him and his dad to spend time together. The PO explains that this is a contract that all of the family has to help accomplish. Stick knew that his other friends had received 30 hours of community service to be done in 2 months. The PO proceeds to say that he wanted Stick and his dad to do 20 hours of walking together time. He went on and explained what that meant. I could see both in Stick and his mom's eyes that this was like the worse punishment in the world. I quickly asked what happened if the father wasn't complaint and he responded that nothing would happen to Stick but the dad would be confronted eventually.

As we walked away it struck me that I had become Stick's real father and that those involved with New City - Barrio are his other group of mom & dad's. Stick Boy, Josue, is in a tough situation with a dad who is there but not there. I am thankful that we have been there for Josue and now for his mom. I know that he at times hasn't been the most focused of our group but he is changing and becoming someone who does care and has stood up to become part of the leadership team. (They helped hand out the food boxes last Saturday.)

I came home almost in tears. I know that I don’t have the best relationship with my son or father but never in a million years would I consider spending time with them a punishment. Yet, as the PO explained the diversion program for this teen it really was the best remedy for a broken relationship. I pray that this will help enable them to become closer and learn to listen to one another. I can remember when my long hair got in the way of my relationship with my dad. Much as I know that having a car payment in on time became the nemesis for my son and me. Ultimately I hope reconciliation and the practical outflow, listening, learning and forgiving will become more part of what we do each day. I don’t necessarily cherish going to JV Court but in this case it helped me enter into someone else’s world and have a better understanding of what it means to be a father, a friend to those who have be left out and forgotten.