Commincation

As we were doing a discussion on relationships and talking about the challenge guys face in being able to communicate it became clear that guys aren’t great at expressing themselves. I know that most guys, men not teens, also have a tough time being articulate when it comes to how they feel and what is going on inside of them. So as we are talking about different ways of communicating both verbal and non-verbal the awkward silence happened and then there was laughter as someone was bold enough to speak out.

The truth is most of us men don’t like to talk about ourselves and would rather talk about sports, work or school. The last thing we want to do is say that I am hurting or got stepped on by someone I don’t like. As we were discussing the importance of developing relationships that are beneficial it was obvious that guys that grow up without dads don’t have great examples of how guys talk and express themselves. All of the guys admitted to the fact that the typical guy is a few years behind the gals in their age bracket when it comes to talking about the obvious life questions.

As we talked about guy – girl relationships and one of the adults challenged the guys to think through the physical side of relationships it was obvious that no one wanted to be a dad at the age of 15 or even 20. Yet the real need is for parents and family to openly talk about how we relate back to our peers, have close friendships and eventually decide who we may marry in the future. I know looking back at my life and my kids it is awkward to talk about sex, courtship and marriage. The haha of this often is that the youth have the knowledge of the mechanics of sex but not a clue about how to nurture and grow a viable and healthy relationship.

I love the comic strip ZITS. It gives a great window into the life of a typical teen who today spends more time texting then talking and the best way to express yourself is via facebook or twitter. The parents in this comic strip do seem like antiquated dinousars that don’t have a clue about life or at least that is what Jeremy believes. Yet, deep down inside both the mom and dad believe that they are still in touch with their son and want the best for him regardless of his belief. The challenge or opportunity is figuring out how to connect with you kid in a way that works on both levels.

I know in my personal life I am taken back when my kids, adults or the kids we work with view me as being an old man. I relish the aspect of age that gives me experience and wisdom but don’t like the label obviously of being a gray heard geezer. The lesson I am learning is that youth and old people need each other. As we had a gathering for dinner at my house this last Sunday it was great to see a few older grandmas present and see how just their presence impacted everyone who was there. I know that it isn’t easy for a teen to slow down enough to listen to an older adult that isn’t into texting, facebook or Starbucks.

The beauty of life is seeing that everyone has a different take on what is important and that when we listen and walk together our perceptions of those that are different changes. It is funny to see such a diverse group of teens actually become a family instead of trying to kill each other, slam each other or purposely put each other down. My hope is to see more adults be able to admit to their closeness to connecting with people that are different and take a risk to be different and make a friend that is from a totally different life focus or ethnic background. I love listening to Mrs. Jefferson, Doris, Hattie or Mr. Cooke. They come out of a totally different context and bring a refreshing side of life back into my focus. I need that because too often I live between my iphone, laptop or ipad. I love to read and also watch people live their lives.