I’ll be the first to admit that I can purposely choose to have an anger issue or temper tantrum. Yeah, I’m just like everyone else and want to believe that the world revolves around my life and choices I make. I have been programed over the years to think a certain way thanks to theological training, family upbringing and a wife of 38 years. I was raised, by a mom, who always saw the positive in life even as she faced her own mortality as she battled cancer for a decade.
So should I just cheer up and say today is a gift and a new day. Rejoice in the Lord usually is my inner cry, yet, how can I do this when I face the possibility that my dad has just had a series of strokes that will cripple him for the rest of his time on this earth before he goes home to heaven. Yeah, I’m being selfish when it comes to the amount of time and type of time that I will have to spend not just helping my dad but making sure those around him actually do their job.
I know there are lots of examples in the Scriptures about those who seemed to have the ability to rise above their circumstances and never complain. I think of Paul who was in and out of prison and typically mocked, beaten or whipped for his faith and outspokenness. I also remember Paul asking for help in the face of serious health issues and God’s response was my grace is good enough. Wow, how is it possible that spiritual blessings can help me with my physical and emotional crisis?
I am also presently aware of my sin and rebellious nature that stands against the heart of the God who created me to be his follower. I can remember again in Job’s story how quickly God silenced him when he asked where he was at the moment of creation. Yeah, it is easy to think that I am smart but really I can’t create something out of nothing – ex nihilo. I might think that I can argue and influence the faithful JW that comes to my Starbucks a couple of times a week. Yet, as I challenged her with a few Bible verses her response was still to come back with a plea to see the Watch Tower, New World Translation and the Witnesses as being sincere and legit. My response was I don’t think so.
So how is it possible to know but not yet really know? I can remember as a young Christ follower seeing a song that stated so clearly the more I know the more I know I know nothing. I know that God’s grace and mercy are so real as I have seen them acted out upon so many including myself. Yet, it is so easy to ask the simple question – Why God? Why my dad and why right now? I thought you understood the dynamics of what is going on in my life and know that I’m at my limit? I Corinthians 10:13 should be so obvious, yet it looks like you want to push me beyond the edge? Do I really want this? I guess God believes I need it.
I know that the shepherd boy David must have wondered why his brothers and father always left him out in the field and assumed he could do it. David seemed to be a prolific writer underneath the sky at night. His pen seemed to move with all of the human emotions as he faced danger, was nourished as he feed his flock and the joy of returning home on occasion helped him understand the reality of one day dwelling in the house of the Lord forever. I can also remember David the warrior who was slow to make any judgment against Saul his enemy and king. David was willing to wait a long time to eventually get the throne and live out his God given gift of leadership. Yet, even David lost it at times and made poor decisions that impacted not only his life but his family and ultimately his kingdom and the world.
I was overwhelmed last night when one of my best friends and his family came to visit with my dad. They stayed for hours and helped him eat his dinner. I think of the opportunities that do come out of tragedy and heart ache. I know that my dad won’t live forever. I don’t have any assurance that he won’t have any more strokes or won’t suffer severe paralysis. I do know that I’m committed to be my dad’s friend and helper forever. I know that it won’t always be easy or fun, yet life is suppose to remind us that we are finite, not God and don’t have super human strength. I am pushed in my present situation to depend upon God even when I’m mad at him or disappointed about circumstances. This forces me to do something I don’t like – ask others for help and show my weaknesses or humanness.
I think of Paul’s description of Jesus in Philippians 2 of leaving behind his glory and becoming human and willfully choosing to go on a path that saw his death become a reality. I know that Jesus saw the joy behind the cross and God’s path for his life. Yet, Jesus was quick to cry out in the garden, “God if it is possible please take away this cup.” I know that I can still pray as Jesus, God please don’t let my dad have any more strokes, yet not my will but your will be done.
No comments:
Post a Comment