As Anne and I have enjoyed our snowy anniversary it is time to go back home. We actually miss our family of pooches and our kids. It has been totally a great change to get away to someplace totally different. It has been fun getting to hear the story of the owner of the bed and breakfast where we are staying. She too has a heart for helping those that are marginalized and less fortunate. I can’t fathom being homeless in Flagstaff in the winter. Our host was instrumental in starting the first homeless’ shelter in Flagstaff.
Back to our story of how we met and what brought us together. Looking back I have to be honest and admit to doing some rather crazy things in the ‘name of love’. Anne and I connected briefly during my short stay in San Diego. I invited her to come and visit me in Yuba City, where my parents lived before she gets ready for her trip to Ethiopia. I know that her parents must have truly thought that I was some type of wacked out Jesus freak that really had no business pursuing their little Anne who had just turned 18.
I can remember trying to tactfully explain to my dad and mom my feelings for Anne. I can remember giving my dad a back massage and telling him about meeting this incredible girl who had grown up in Pakistan. I explained as best as a 19 year old can that I thought I had found the one that I wanted to marry. I was expecting, at least from my mom, somewhat of a lecture about waiting until college was over and I had a real job. Instead I got a WOW type of response where both parents affirmed that Anne must be a really special person if I felt that way about her. I was totally surprised and taken back by their quick acceptance. I knew that Anne’s parents didn’t share the same excitement – yet.
Anne came up and visited our home and family. It also just happened that my mom’s sister, Sissy, was also visiting. We had a great time staying up late, seeing I still had to work at my peach weighing station job and talking about everything and actually playing chess. I know that Sissy thought we were strange staying up most of the night. I decided to drive Anne back to San Diego and say a last farewell before she left for Ethiopia.
We drove via San Luis Obispo so I could show her the campus and the Ranch where I lived. I had lived my first year in the dorms, actually Yosemite Dorm which was brand new. So we hung out at the Ranch for a full day. Anne got to experience the mud walls and all of the insects that made their home in my room. She also enjoyed seeing all of the cows and shared the experience of having to clean out the water tank. The Ranch didn’t have a normal water system but used gravity fed water from a tank that was on top of the hill. We had to remove a dead something or rather in order for the water flow to be restored. I also dumped some Clorox in it to kill the germs. (Don’t ask how this actually worked? I lived there for 2 years and never died from any type of disease.)
We talked on the phone a few times and she left for her year away and I started school back up with being very involved in IVCF. I think what would be difficult for most people today is that the only form of communication was what were called aerograms that were like tissue paper that you could send for a reasonable rate of around .50 cents per letter. There wasn’t any e-mail, Facebook or Skype. We literally didn’t hear or see each other for 9 months.
So the journey began of writing long letters that were very small in print size and numbering them to make sure that we knew if any had been lost in the mail. I have to admit that my love and interest in Anne grew in her absence. I was fascinated with being more of a global person who understood different cultures and loved having life be an adventure. I have to admit that living at the Ranch and going to Cal Poly seemed rather boring and staid in comparison to what Anne was doing.
I am not sure looking back what moved me to leave San Luis the last quarter in school and move to San Diego but I did. I had made a couple of friends through Carol who had been at the IVCF camp and was a good friend of Anne’s. I got a job working with a small contractor who did block and concrete work. Marvin, the owner of the company, was a rather large man who had a gruff voice but a soft heart. He saw me as a klutzy college student not really as a long-term worker. He had mostly older teens working for him who knew how to do block work and finish concrete. He also had an older guy, Ivan, who looked like an Ivan. He was really tall and strong but very slow and methodical in how he worked. He was a great teacher for me and I learned quickly. Little did I know that I would end up doing concrete work for a good portion of my life, at least as a side job.
After living with Kyle, a fellow student type, for around2 months Anne’s mom invited me to stay with them. I am not sure whether it was Kyle’s love of liver that drove me away or free rent. So I moved in with Anne’s parents for the following 2 months before she returned. At first I thought this was crazy to live with my potential in-laws knowing that her dad would rather I disappear. Yet, over the couple of months of being with them I fell in love with them and they with me. I loved to cook so I know I quickly won over Anne’s mom’s heart. Anne’s dad was fascinated with me because I was somewhat an intellectual but also a doer type.
I knew that it was crazy to think that we were going to get married shortly after Anne’s return from Ethiopia. Yet, we both knew that there is a vast difference between seeing someone face to face versus writing letters for a long period of time. So I know that it was rather a shock for us to see each other when she came off of the plane in San Diego. I know that her parents still viewed her as a little kid who was really theirs and they had no intention of letting her escape with some Jesus freak to San Luis Obispo.
I had moved out and gotten a very small one-bedroom apartment, which didn’t have a real door but a sliding glass door that faced the little pool in the complex. I enjoyed living by myself without having to deal with the odor from Kyle’s liver. I knew that it would take a few months to win back Anne and her parents. The notion of marriage with us both being 19 or 20 I know was truly an obstacle for her dad. He really believed that if we got married we would have a kid instantly, be unemployed and never finish college. I totally agree with him looking back. I would never encourage any of my kids to copy what we were attempting to do.
I know that Anne had this deep fear that the person she had written to for 9 months probably wasn’t the same person she would meet after getting off the airplane. I truly had wished that I could be the person that would win her heart. It took a few weeks for both of us to ‘feel’ comfortable with a serious relationship. It was totally absurd to think that we would get married in December after Anne being gone for 9 months. She came home in June so we had 6 months to establish a real relationship and plan a simple wedding.
My parents lived in northern California so they really had little to do with our wedding plans or to be part of the discussion as to whether there should even be a wedding. I am not sure how I persuaded Anne’s dad to be my friend or least trust me but he did. I know looking back I was a very arrogant charismatic who had no appreciation for my future father in-law’s history. He had graduated from Cal and gone to Westminster Seminary. He was truly an intellectual who desired something similar for his little Anne. I am not sure if I understood what he expected from me.
I became part of the First Presbyterian family and taught Sunday School with Anne with little kids. I dressed nicely in spite of my long hair. So over a few months Anne’s dad did warm up to me and decided to marry us. I know I must have drove him crazy with our initial desire to get married on the beach, then in the park and finally at the church. I had no idea that most of the church would show up for the wedding, like 600 people.
I am not saying that this journey I am describing was easy or that Anne or I didn’t have our doubts, because we did. I know that Anne believed that after we got married and moved back to San Luis to finish college that I might morph into someone that she really didn’t know. I also thought that she might not really love me for being an ‘ugly’ American. (Remember she grew up overseas and Americans were ugly. She didn’t like rock and roll and didn’t know that Jimi Hendrix was my rock hero.)
The good news is that Anne’s dad’s fears didn’t come true. Yes, we finished college and even got our Master Degrees at Westminster. We didn’t start our family until after being married for 5 years and actually ended up living with my in-laws for 5 years and actually worked at First Pres. for three years. So dreams can come true!
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