I catch myself at times being a Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde when
it comes to being understanding and emotionally affirming. As the case with
most of us I have infinite patience with my wacky crazy teens who do ‘bad
stuff’ too often and then become a screecher with those I love, mostly my Anne.
I’m so excited about my Anne having the opportunity to do training to become a
certified Chaplin. This will require a huge amount of commitment on my Anne’s
part between classroom time, on the job training and then a ‘boat load’ of
reading. This morning we were talking about how the Internet works with
iPhones, iPads and laptops. My impatient side comes out when we discuss ‘geek’
stuff because I make too many false assumptions about my Anne understanding the
practical side of high tech.
When I fall into my ‘teacher’ voice that is rather
condescending, I know that my Anne will usual break down. I really don’t mean
to do this but it happens on occasion. I can have a tendency of coming across
as a know it all. I am learning that it is so important for my Anne to be
independent in the area of her new professional pursuits. I obviously loved
being needed by many when it comes to life issues not just the latest Apple
device. I realize even in my life how inter-dependent I am upon so many
different people. My hope, which will be realized soon, is that my Anne will
become the Apple expert with her MacBook Pro, iPhone and iPad.
I know that most dads’ struggle with their relationships
with their sons more than their daughters. It is so much easier to spoil our
daughters who become our little princesses than our abused sons who always
seemed neglected or picked at. I know that my son has clashed with me a lot
over the last 10 years, yeah he’s 28, because of my way of doing things and in
his mind being too quick to judge and attempt to squeeze him into my box. My
hope is that as he has kids he will realize that it’s not easy being a dad. No
excuses but guys are stereotyped as being tough guys who don’t communicate very
well and are always quicker to judge than give accolades.
It is easy for all of us to look back at our life story and
have very different perceptions of life events that our dads might view as
being watershed moments that we truly believed were torture. I will always
remember my son’s first adventure on a real bike without training wheels. We
lived in Walnut Creek across from a nice park that had lots of grass, trees and
shrubs. The park was on a significant grade that seemed perfect for riding on a
2 wheeler without any assistance. So I did the typical dad thing of running
with him next to the bike and then letting him go. I would compare this to a
bird pushing out its baby birds to fly for the first time. The first few
seconds they are struggling to figure out they are supposed to flap their wings
until suddenly they are zooming all over the heavens.
Needless to say my over exuberance meant my son went down
the hill out of control and ended up colliding with a tree or bush. I remember
the rest of us laughing and then saying great job! Yet, as I have heard this
story repeated by him it was more that I was this sinister torturer that
purposely planned out this catastrophic event to scare him for life. So I have
to admit that all of us did laugh even though my initial thought wasn’t let’s
see if I can push him into a tree, shrub or the fence that was around the
community pool.
I do apologize to my son and my other kids for doing things
at times that were totally a ‘dad’ thing without much regard for the end
result. Yes, I do enjoy torturing my wife, my kids and my New City kids and
teens too often. It’s too much fun but I
know can end up scaring someone. Oops – SORRY.
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