Over the last month we have been doing a guys group with seven
older teens. This has become more like a club where the guys are slow to let
someone new get involved. We have been talking about what it means to be a man
of integrity. We have talked a lot about honesty and being men of our word. I
have raised the question often why does it have to be the case that we always
learn through the school of hard knocks? Isn’t there a better way than going to
court to discover God?
I am very fortunate to have a great friend, who is older
like me, choose to be involved with our group. He has become our grandpa that
is always looking out for these guys. He gets personally upset when one of the
teens sleeps late and forgets about an appointment. It’s difficult at times to
realize the culture of today’s youth is hugely different from our generation
that lived in the 60’s. I have a dad who laid out how I should live by his
example. He taught me respect from a very young age so I didn’t need to have a
scream to get me to follow through or say yes sir or no sir.
I was in court a few weeks ago with one of my teen guys. He
was definitely dressed to go before a judge. The challenge, which I should have
expressed more clearly, was that he needed to respect the judge by how he
responded to him. It was so critical for the judge to see that my teen
understood that he was in the wrong and had made a foolish choice to say
something joking around that become perceived as a real threat. I almost choked
when my teen said yeah instead of yes and didn’t say yes your honor or no your
honor. We talked afterwards and I know that he will be better at his next court
appearance.
I know that it is easy to say something intentionally to
make someone believe that you get it when you have little desire of doing what
is right. I had a couple of my teens call me on Saturday when they were at my
house tell me they were going job hunting. I had just visited my dad and really
didn’t want to go out again but realized I didn’t have any choice. They were
actually showered, shaved and dressed for success. They looked real sharp and
were prepared to go job hunting. This was so much more than just surfing online
and doing online applications. I know that the reality is they are both of a
diverse background and the likelihood of them getting a first job quickly isn’t
great. I am on their side wanting them to get their first real opportunity to
work.
I grew up around an image of manhood that saw men take
advantage of women, smoke, drink and swear up a blue streak to prove their
masculinity. The reality is that a real man is someone who cares enough to put
others first, works sacrificially and stands up for injustice. The reality is
that most of my guys are growing up around invisible dads and a culture that
rewards laziness. I know that my guys are getting it that there aren’t any
handouts in life and that the sooner you step up and take responsibility for
yourself the sooner life will turn around.
I asked what can help someone avoid the pitfall of life when
you have to go through hell in order to discover heaven? I have a tendency to
brag about my wayword past and act as if it is always better to do extremely
crazy things to see the light. My wife would argue, which she does loudly, that
you don’t have to kill someone to discover the grace and forgiveness of God and
your family. The group focused on the need for us to really care for one
another enough to go out of our way to be there to say WHAT ARE YOU DOING or
hey GREAT JOB!
My hope is that my guys can change the perception of teens
living in the hood have to be really bad. I hope and pray that they will impact
the little kids in our group to see that lying, stealing or cheating is totally
off base!
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