Looks Can Be Deceptive?

We do a life group every week where I invite a friend who shares their story. This can either be rather simple or complex depending upon who comes. Last night I invited a close Korean pastor friend and his wife. I always laugh when the perception of my teens is a little skewed. I think we have all heard the old adage don’t judge a book by it’s cover. The obvious perception is that most Asians, my teens can’t discern the difference between a Chinese, Korean or Japanese individual, is that they are all rich, quiet and genius types. Don broke all of these stereotypes last night!

I have lots of friends that are really outside the box. I seriously didn’t know how Don would do with our group, especially at a Starbucks. He came out of the typical quiet Asian perception of my teens and talked about his homies, growing up in the real hood in Jersey. He lived in a neighborhood that is actually worse then the ones around us in South Phoenix. His real story was one that hit home for everyone!

Don moved to the states from his Korean home because his mom wanted a better life for him away from a dad that was a womanizer, Don’s own words. I know that one of the common threads amongst the poor is usually the anger and hatred that comes from absent dads that either are in prison or totally disappeared. Don’s life wasn’t any different than our teens. His dad had never shown any real interest in him. His mom became his savior who worked multiple jobs so her son could have a better life.

My friend was real and honest about his dislike of the church and being around Korean speaking only churches or pastors. He was quick to talk about his wild rebellious youth experience in High School and College. He had memories of having a mom that worked all of the time and how he fit in with his Hispanic friends who loved sports and became a second family until his drinking and going wild got him into trouble.

I think the real crisis in his life was when his dad was on his deathbed and his mom expected him to travel to Korea and make amends with him. I hadn’t heard this side to Don where he was honest about wanting to tell his dad off. Wow – I saw some of his past anger and frustration with not being able to tell his dad how he felt. His trip to Korea didn’t give him any peace and his dad lived for a few weeks after his visit. The crisis that shook his faith was while in Seminary that his mom died from cancer. His world collapsed around him and he didn’t know how to express his emotional outrage at God for taking the one who had sacrificed herself for him.

I know that most outside the Asian community would assume that all Chinese, Koreans or Japanese are relatively calm and unemotional people. Don shattered this image and was alive in his way of sharing his journey and passion for getting grace through his mom’s loving example. My hope was that my teens would see someone that might look like they have it all together but is no different than any of them. Yes, brokenness is a common thread amongst all people regardless of your heritage.  I am so appreciative of my friend and his willingness to engage my group!