My Anne and I celebrate 40 years together tomorrow! I know
that most in today’s disposable society can’t comprehend how anyone could stay
together for more than a few years. The celebs seem to last only months in
their relationships. What is happening that has changed the concept of commitment
and being willing to sacrifice a portion of your selfishness so another can
ultimately experience a better life and you can learn more about the essence of
true friendship?
I know that one of the key ingredients in making a
relationship work is a willingness to listen and communicate. It isn’t
necessarily always easy to choose to engage someone when you aren’t in the
greatest of moods. It takes real effort to grow together and not apart! The
real difficulty is that there isn’t anything really sexy about laying aside
your wants in order to get to know another person and appreciate their passion
and interests in life. It is so easy to allow my desires to cloud my
relationship that I end up growing away from my partner. It’s not that it is
evil to have different interests or desires but you have to work at growing
together instead of growing apart.
My Anne is a chaplain at a local hospital and is always
shocked when she hears about someone working on their third or fourth marriage.
The individual is usually blown away when Anne shares that she has been happily
married for more than 40 years. The question usually comes up as to what is it
that you do that keeps you together when it seems like everything is always
pulling us apart? The answer isn’t mind-boggling but rather basic – we choose
each day to love the other person regardless of what happens. It’s not that the
outcome of circumstances don’t matter but your perspective is focused more on
caring about your partner and getting to know them better and seeing each day
as an adventure and gift!
I admit that it isn’t easy to take an interest in something
that is outside your personal pursuits. Yet, as we bend and flex on both ends I
believe you learn to appreciate another person’s interests and passions that
influences you to become a better person that does care about the little things
that makes life ROCK! The sad reality is that too often we are totally selfish
about things that don’t matter which means we never get to the bigger things in
life because we have destroyed a relationship over something that we won’t
remember in a week.
It does take patience and effort on your part to better
understand what is actually taking place. My struggle is that I want my way and
that at times we hit heads and must make a decision based upon sound judgment
and not selfish whims. I must also admit that I don’t know everything and need
help at times seeing the bigger picture in life or discovering what is right in
front of my face! I love to be with my Anne because she is someone that is
always ALIVE and willing to take risks to see God work in her and through her!
Yes, I’m so grateful to God for allowing our paths to cross
that June at a Bible Camp in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Little did I understand
that this missionary teen in the hand sewn dress would captivate my attention
to the extent that in a few months I would drive to San Diego and attempt to
persuade her to marry me at a very young age.
Yes, I was the longhaired Jesus Freak that did get her attention and as
some would say the rest is history!
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