My Anne

I can’t fathom that it has been 37 years since a cold rainy day in San Diego saw two almost 20 year olds get married. I know that this caused great concern on the part of my father in-law and it should have. We were too young, broke and not even close to being finished with school. I was impulsive and arrogant about my faith walk with Jesus. Yet, God worked through circumstances that saw Anne and I go to Cal-Poly, graduate, go to Grad School (Seminary) and actually not end up with a little one at 19, jobless and homeless.

I write this blog as a tribute to a wife that is incredible in ever manner of speaking. I have been too quick at times to take my Anne for granite, take advantage of her trusting me and willingness to do anything I sense God is calling us to pursue. She has been the one who stayed the course as we experienced the shock and awe of having a little girl literally pop out at 6 months and weigh only two pounds. Looking back I mainly remember that the horse we had been given was supposed to be for Anne but because of being pregnant it meant I had horse rights. The night that Heather decided to join us was rather commonplace with us watching Quincy on the TV and Anne acting like she was having contractions that weren’t suppose to be happening. The next phase of our lives was rather a whirlwind with moving from our beach paradise in Los Osos to the Bay Area where there was traffic and the joy of driving an hour to see our little Heather.

Anne was an amazing young mom who juggled the emotions of not knowing whether our Heather would live past 1 then 2 then 3 years of age. Our transition to San Diego was also an amazing dream come to true. We were going to Seminary to prepare for doing ministry. As to what that would be and where we would go I was clueless. I know that Anne was thrilled to be with her mom and dad. I was not as excited seeing that we would be living with them and I still had a difficult time understanding the traditional church and the fact that her father was totally that. I know that God ultimately knew that living with Ruth and Paul, attending First Pres and going to Westminster was exactly what we needed. Sure I reacted to the traditional services, robes and big choir but I learned how to do youth work, minister in the ‘hood’ and learn how to love on the homeless. God provided an opportunity for me to work at First Pres and for Anne to attend Westminster. This was truly a gift God provided for my Anne which I am so thankful. I know that at times she doesn’t believe that she has used her seminary education but she really has as I watch her interact with all types of people including our family and extended set of friends.

I know that living in San Diego for five years was truly a gift with having both of our families being there while we did seminary. Moving was something that my mom reminded me was eventually going to happen, which it did. I’ll never forget the day that we packed up the U-Haul and moved to Walnut Creek with kid, belongings and bird. It was a sad happy moment. Anne as usual always had a witting way of helping with the emotional roller coaster of really leaving our families. She obviously was closely tied to her parents so I know this was really tough. Yet, she came as the great mom and partner in ministry. Anne did an incredible job of transitioning into being a pastor’s wife, mom of Heather and jogging partner with me. The Walnut Creek area was easy to love with all of the variety of parks, hiking trails and closeness to SF.

It was fun to watch Anne always speak her mind and be at times off the wall with her unusual sense of humor. We transitioned from working with Christ Community that went through a significant change with Corty and Pat leaving, the church leaving the PCA and we essentially were homeless. Anne should have freaked but didn’t as I transitioned back to doing concrete work. God again was faithful to provide and give direction. It wasn’t too long before Oak Hills went from being a total off the wall pipe dream to becoming a core of loving families that wanted to do something like start a church.

It was during this transition time of starting Oak Hills and still doing concrete work for Hansen that we discovered Julie and Jon. Looking back I am still emotionally brain dead when it comes to our loosing numerous pregnancies. I know it wasn’t until we were old, like 47 and lost our last little one that the years of hurt finally hit me square in the head. I know that I should have been more supportive and communicative with Anne about the reality of loosing 5 little ones. So as we began the two year journey of adopting Julie and Jon I should have been with it to understand the perfect little family of Anne, Heather and me was going to change forever. I know that at times I am too quick to jump in to do something and getting Julie and Jon was one of those types of things that you talk about but have little understanding of the impact until after it happens. We really didn’t believe it was going to happen because of all of the delays and issues with social workers in San Diego and Walnut Creek.

So as you can imagine we ended up getting the kids just as we are in the middle of starting Oak Hills. I know what strikes me about my Anne is her ability to face change and difficult situations with screaming or complaining. The transition was really hard on Heather, which I knew but didn’t give her as much attention as I should have. Anne was stretched now with not 1 but 3 kids literally overnight. The journey with our adopted kids has been incredible but again something that has impacted and changed our lives. Anne through this all has been the one to show a real heart and motherly way of caring for everyone, whether that is correcting a paper that she literally rewrites or playing taxi or talking on the phone to our emotionally charged daughters.

Our move to AZ wasn’t something that we talked to our younger kids about we just did it. I know that this was a tough move for everyone. Heather tried to run away but Anne discovered the plot before it unfolded. Anne was an incredible mom to our kids during this time of growing up from grade school to college. We formed great friendships with our DPC families. I know that dropping Heather off at NAU for college was one of the most difficult things for Anne and I. I think what was difficult was knowing that Heather really wanted to go to a Christian College and was still rather young and immature to be left alone. Anne again in her incredible way loved on our Heather while she was gone. This was a tough time for us because Heather had a bad experience her first semester with the roommate from hell and we were too, or I was too brain dead to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Anne very faithfully loved on her Heather and she moved back home. The next step, which Anne has described as, Heather hooking up with Jeff the axe murderer also was rather traumatic. Little did we understand the dynamic of the Dannewitz clan but now after 11 years have grown to love Jeffrey most of the time and better appreciate what his mom did to raise him and save him.

Julie and Jon are truly part of our family because of Anne’s ability to draw us together in spite of all of the distractions in life. I know that my Anne values dinner conversation but has been given a bunch a baboons for family that would rather ‘wolf’ down our dinner and then do what’s next. Anne has been incredibly faithful in making dinner times special, especially now that we have numerous people living with us. I know that Julie’s journey gong to ASU wasn’t easy and there were many times she wanted to quit and walk away. I truly believe she would have gone to beauty school if her mom hadn’t been there to push, help and prod along the way. I know there were many nights with screaming and needing help with doing papers. Anne was the one who stayed next to her through the long haul.

I know that Jon’s journey with school has been a challenge for us. We decided to snatch Jon out of his beloved Dobson High School and send him to a small startup charter school, James Madison. This at first seemed like the best thing that ever happened to Jon. Unfortunately it turned into a nightmare that still plagues us. I think what has been amazing is seeing Jon go back to James Madison to coach football and consider teaching there after he finishes at ASU. I have too many blow up experiences with Jon that should have pushed me or Jon over the edge accept for the fact that Anne intervened to stop us from killing each other. Anne is rather fun to watch when she totally looses her temper, cool and wants to stop the police from coming. Jon has gone throw a couple of girlfriends, Jodi is awesome, a year long internship at KTAR and now coaching that has helped him become a model student and son. I laugh when I hear Jon give Terrance, our live in college student, the riot act for being sloppy, lazy, disorganized and whatever.

I know one of the most difficult times in my life next to my mom’s death, was leaving DPC. This has been one of the most difficult times for Anne. I was surrounded with special friends who helped me through a difficult transition in life but my Anne was almost left out in the cold. Looking back I know how my Anne has often been my advocate and defender at times when she might not even agree or understand my choices. So I am eternally grateful for her ability to be this for me but I have not been as good at being close to her on her terms, not mine through transition times in life. I know that having a number of friendships change from being best and very close to being distant is hard to understand and impossible to accept. Yet, Anne has weathered many storms in life and this one she has learned to keep going and still have a heart and interest in others.

Our transition to South Phoenix was probably one of the more difficult moves for our entire family. I know that moving is always a pain for most. I love what I am doing today but the journey to get there required sacrifice and a transition period that didn’t have any guarantee of anything. I know that Anne wasn’t convinced at first that New City/Barrio was something that she really wanted to do. Yet, as I watch her love on our kids, help Terrance with normal life stuff it is so clear that she is clearly gifted and passionate for making an impact on these crazy kids that do dumb stuff often.

My dear Anne my real promise to you in the coming years is to be there for you, listen to your warped sense of humor, walk more with you on the canal with our herd, let you into my life more and pay attention to your warnings instead of shinning them on. You truly are a beautiful person; yes you are sexy and alluring for a 50 something and have a very sharp mind that is still capable of expressing God’s wisdom in a way that anyone could understand. Thanks for accepting me for who I am, loving me and putting up with me while you push me to be a better person to serve our God, our family and our other family.

I love you and owe you big time – Dave