It is amazing how much ‘junk’ we keep. Since my mom’s death I have had the privilege of clearing out a couple of storage units that were full of boxes that hadn’t been touched in 10 years. The ultimate test of my inner strength was going through my parent’s house of 15 years. My mom had cancer over a decade and my dad cared for her out of their home for her last year, which wasn’t great because my dad became isolated and drawn into his own little world. I will always remember the multitude of boxes and garbage bags we used to go through their small house. How do you define a person’s life and contribution to society and to a family?
I knew at some point I needed to go back to San Diego and empty out the last part of the Bennett legacy, the extra garage that my dad had been renting for over 15 years. My brother’s Mark had most of his stuff stored there. We had put about 20 boxes from the house into the garage. Yet, the majority of ‘stuff’ was split between my dad’s books and Mark’s junk. I was rather naive in thinking that I would be able to haul away the hundred boxes in the back of my truck to the dump. I am learning that it is better to seek help quick instead of deliberating. So I went on Craigslist and within minutes had our great new friend, Salamon, bring his large truck with 6 feet side panels to attack the pile.
I have moved every 2-3 years most of my life both as a kid and an adult. I know that it isn't a pretty scene but as my mom would say get it done! Amazing what consistent work and some determination can conquer. Our first challenge was finding the right key to unlock the master lock on the large garage door. My brother had the key to the regular door. So we go through all of the keys and have no success. So I’m off to Home Depot to get a saw to attack the lock. As I am driving I get a text from my brother that we had been trying to open the wrong door so we actually did have the correct key. So I reverse immediately and we are ready to dive into the dust, spider webs and history of mom, dad and my brother. I send Scott and Heather off to the store to get gloves and some cleaning devices.
I quickly empty out the biggies in front of the garage that enables us to start attacking each box one at a time. As I am stacking ancient tools, gym equipment and rusted birdcage our new friend with the large truck pulls up. This is truly my salvation because I realized that it would take a couple of days with my truck to ‘kill’ the pile. So Salamon starts dumping boxes into the back of his large flat bed. I was warned to not dump anything without really looking into the box. I truly wanted to abide by this mandate but had a great temptation to just pitch everything, especially Mark’s rotting boxes. My other brother tempered my enthusiasm and we actually opened up all of the boxes and actually found some amazing treasures from all of our pasts. I am thankful that I was able to salvage some great photos and relics from our family history.
I am glad that I was able to bring my Heather along on the trip. I hadn’t realized that this was going to be an emotionally draining experience. I have to be better at guarding and protecting my Heather. We both seemed to tear up at times as we went through boxes which I thought were full of junk that turned out to be golden treasures. Heather was great at helping temper my ‘rush’ to get it done mindset. We actually did make incredible time because our new friend Salamon showed up around 2PM and he was back to reload a half truck and left at 5:30.
I am thrilled to have some amazing treasures to take to dad’s apartment and bring back a part of his history that is special between his flying career and my mom’s life. I know that I want to always come across as a rock that is seldom moved but that is a total lie. I am crying even now as I write this short overview of a day going through the cobwebs and mildew boxes. I am truly blessed to have had some incredible parents who loved me in all the right ways to teach me about life and death. I know that my middle brother is still hurting and feeling left out. I can’t do much to change this because of his living outside our area.
The legacy which I have been given and so much want to hand down to my family and my second family is that life is truly a gift. Don’t waste it or accidently throw it away. As my Anne would always remind me don’t ever settle for second best regardless of how good that looks. My mom was someone who was a stickler for following through and making a great impression on anyone. She was always quick to reach out and make new friends and never allow us to sit still. I have definitely inherited her “go getter” attitude. I know that my dad’s military side will continue to help me be respectful and interested in following through and always do my best.
Growing up even at the age of 50 is hard. I wish at times that I could be back to my youth in Montana playing baseball with Little League or going on another Scout trip. I do miss my mom’s cooking and way of creating a family atmosphere. I also remember the times of excitement when my dad would return from a long time away from his duty in Vietnam. My mom was very careful to guard us from her fears but she truly believed that everything is in God’s hands both our life and death. So I don’t think I was ever really afraid that my dad wouldn’t come back. Yet, I do remember a good friend whose dad was a helicopter pilot. He was shot down a few months after going to Vietnam. Captain Lilly was a POW for 7 years before he was released.
Yes, the garage and the mess, junk and cobwebs are gone. Yet, as a friend reminded me, the memories are still there. It is up to me to be better at keeping them alive. So yeah I’ll always remember the Little League game played in Opine where I hit three home runs in a row and also saved the game when I was the relief pitcher in the end. I do think that this story isn’t totally fabricated. (I did hit the home runs.) I guess I have to be better at letting the people around me love on me when I am down or sad. I do miss my mom but know that my life will go on and be ok. I want to make mom proud. I do have her strong side to persevere. I can’t fathom how she was able to face the ongoing pain of her disease over such a long time. I am blessed to have not had the pain side of life a whole lot. Life continues as I listen to the Fray as I finish typing. We meet God in different contexts such as in the dust and musky smell of a garage that had been left behind in time. Today is a new day to visit an old friend who has a little baby girl that will remind me of the real meaning of life.
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