Life without a Dad

We had a great Life Skill Group last night with a special friend share his life story and his present passion with web and software design. I didn’t know my friend’s real story but discovered that he grew up without a dad and was in the middle of family strife all of the time. His brother went to prison at a young age and my friend shared his exposure to real racial tension when a youth with a different racial background put a shotgun in his face because he happened to look like the guy that shot his brother.

I’m at one of my favorite coffee shops with a great friend who is confessing to the fact that he didn’t sleep at all last night. He was honest about how fatherlessness in our community has made him mad as ‘hell’! He comes out of a similar situation where he grew up in Brooklyn without family and also reflects the diversity of our country. He is presently raising his grandson because his son is a video attack and druggie as a 30 something. Clearly my friend’s grandson is the one who is watching out for his dad who is always in crisis.

As we are finishing our delicious bran muffins and coffee there doesn’t seem to be much hope for marginalized neighborhoods because of the absence of dads. It would be rather easy just to be mad, angry and outraged and do nothing but be upset. Yet, as we have worked around too many kids and teens the last 7 years we have no choice but to become the male roll models that are missing. It isn’t easy for someone who has grown up in a more normal family setting to relate back to someone who doesn’t understand basic living skills like being respectful, getting up early, be motivated to finish normal things and go the extra mile to succeed.

I personally struggle when I see someone that is literally sleeping their life away. I have a few teens and adults in our group who have given up on life. They have dropped out of school and decided that they aren’t capable of finishing a G.E.D. It’s clear that some of the issue is having single parents who aren’t able to follow through with their kids to get them in school, help them succeed in school and then finish with goals that go beyond. The sad fact is that video games and Facebook has become their substitute parent or roll model.

As my friend was reflecting on his sleepless night it became clear that our shared passion is to see this fatherlessness stop in our neighborhood. It is up to one person to choose to be part of an at risk youth’s life. Yes, it is messy, stressful and full of drama but the most worthwhile invest of your time. You will learn just as much as they will benefit from you being their friend and mentor.