I have to be honest and admit that I wasn’t prepared for my
dad’s death this last week. I have had the privilege of being his caretaker,
advocate and special friend over the last 3 years. I had been told by my dad’s
nurse and others involved that his Dementia had taken its toll and his
continued weight loss and OCD from his disease would eventually take his life.
I had taken my dad out last week two different times to get a milkshake and go
to the park to enjoy watching the families with kids that are out and the
various ducks that would land in the lake. Yet, the call I received from the
Hospice Nurse the following day I couldn’t believe, my dad wasn’t doing well
and I had better come to his Care Facility.
I struggled the night before he died thinking I had better
rush off to Clare Bridge to see him, yet, Anne had worked that day and wasn’t
finished until 5pm and I had a life group that was going to happen in a few
hours. I can remember waking up last Friday morning and wondering what was
going to happen? I had called the Funeral Home around the corner from us to
make arrangements and had an appointment for 1pm. We walked the dogs early that
morning and I went to see someone at 7am knowing that I couldn’t see my dad
before 9am. Providentially the person I was going to meet didn’t wake up so I
just got coffee and did my blog and then left.
I have been around plenty of friends both young and old who
had died that I knew what to expect. Yet,
that hadn’t prepared me for what I was going to see that morning as my dad lye
on his bed letting go of his life. I had watched my mother die a slow death
over a couple of years from cancer ravaging her body yet, my dad was always the
strong one that worked out and was usually in amazing condition. Yet, what I
saw lying in that bed was a man that was frail, skin and bones and fading away.
I wasn’t prepared for seeing my dad prone on his bed in a skelital state that
helped me better understand that death and new life were around the corner.
I had texted everyone the day before to explain that Grandpa
was failing and that it was best to come and see him on Friday or Saturday. I
had naively said that we would do a family goodbye with Grandpa at our side on
Sunday when my brother Mark could join us. I had little sense that my dad was
holding on for my other brother Scott and his family to be at his side. I was
thrilled that my older daughter Heather and her Jeff were at Grandpa’s side at
dinnertime. My Anne was on call that night at the Hospital so she had to leave
and left us at his side.
I left to give my Heather and Jeff an opportunity to say
their goodbye to Grandpa. I had little comprehension that my dad would be
heavenly bound in hours. Fortunately my brother Scott, his Veronica and their
kids, Aaron and Marissa made it to his side around 10pm. I was pleasantly
surprised to see one of my dad’s Care Givers come that late to say goodbye. I
was even more pleased to have my son and his wife come around the same time. I
explained to Scott and family Grandpa’s condition that wasn’t very good. They
had just seen Dad a few weeks before at my birthday.
I choose to do a short prayer time and Scripture reading for
my dad. I read from Psalm 23, one of Grandpa’s favorite passages and then
prayed that the Lord would take Grandpa peacefully. I decided to just take my
nephew and niece with me and let my Scott and Veronica be with Dad. Selfishly I
wanted my Dad to last for my other brother to arrive on Sunday morning. I have
memories of my Dad’s call around 3am on a Thursday morning to tell me that his
Lady had left for heaven. It was an amazing experience because I could tell
that my Dad had a glimpse of heaven during mom’s entrance to the Kingdom of
God.
I had stopped by McDonalds to get Aaron and Marissa
something to eat after they had driven straight from San Diego to Grandpa’s
home. It was close to midnight when we arrived home. I attempted to get these
teens in bed and allow myself a chance to collapse on my bed without my Anne at
my side. I had hoped that I could actually fall asleep. Yet, I slipped in and
out of real sleep only to awake to my phone’s ring tone of How to Save a Life.
It was my Scott saying Dad had just passed into eternity. It was close to 2am
and I said I would get dressed and be there.
As I drove in darkness I didn’t know what to expect with my
Scott and Veronica. I had already cried earlier in the day when my dad had told
me goodbye by grabbing my hand and calling me by name and then told me he loved
me and thanked me for caring for him. I know that moment will be engraved in my
mind’s eye until I join him in eternity. I went to dad and touched him and
kissed his forehead. I knew that my dad was gone and what was left behind was
just an earthly body that had suffered over the last 5 years from a disease that
didn’t make any sense. He had lived a good long life and had left without much
suffering in contrast to his Lady’s death which was horrible filled with
ongoing sickness from a cancer that required treatment that killed both the
cancer and her body.
I told my Scott and Veronica to go ahead and leave. I would
wait for both the Hospice Nurse and the transport person. The nurse arrived
before they left and declared my father dead at 2:34 am. I knew that seeing
dad’s body leave on a gurney wasn’t something that Veronica needed to see. So I
told them I would see them back home in an hour or so. It was another 30
minutes before the transport showed up. He assured me that he would take good
care of my dad. I watched as he put my dad on this stretcher and then covered
him with a blanket. It was only minutes before Dad was placed in the back of
this van. As it drove off I knew that a part of my life, which I had taken for
granite, was gone.
The drive back to my house allowed me to stop via a
Starbucks to get something to drink but more so to give me some time to adjust
to what had just happened. It is so easy to be selfish about whether a person
lives an extra few days or weeks and consider what was best for them. It was
time for my dad to leave this earthly life of not having a mind that worked.
The last couple of times I was with Dad that week he could barely crawl onto
his wheel chair. I had never seen Dad not quickly down his milkshake but these
last two times being with him he took a couple of sips and then stopped.
My hope was that I could honor my father in how we said our
goodbyes that following morning as a family.
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