Taking advantage?

I know that it is easy at times to take advantage of family members and close friends. It is especially easy when you have a spouse, friends or parents like I have because they are too quick to help out. I know one of the joys of childhood is having a mom and grandma or dad and grandpa that were always around to spoil you. The challenge as we age is that either we take their place and start spoiling or caring for those around us or we end up being cynical grumpy old men!

I have thought a lot over the last few weeks about the role of being a friend to your parents and then at some juncture you assume the roll of being a helper, caregiver or parent to you parent. I can remember my dad’s initial reaction to my caregiving, which I hope was a byproduct of his Dementia, he would look at me and remind me that I wasn’t his boss or his father. I laughed at the beginning but realized quickly that I was becoming his father in caring for him and won’t talk about being the boss.

I can think back to all of the times over my dad’s life that I would ask for help and he was so quick to step up, be there and seldom question my motives for a request for anything including money. I know that my dad’s dreams for me especially was to finish college, discover my life calling, find my wife and have a family. My dad’s trust in me was always incredible whether I deserved it or not.  We were very different in our personalities but had similar core values, which made us both committed to our faith and families.

At times I wish it were possible to turn back the clock and tell my dad over and over again that I loved him and so much appreciated his love, his spoiling me and choosing to seldom ever say no to me. I can’t fathom what my life would have been like without his support, especially as we faced the uncertainty of our Heather’s premature birth. My dad had a very simple faith and life expression that was to always tackle everything head on and trust God regardless of what the outcome might look like a the present moment.

I have been around too many people who have regrets when they face their own deaths or deaths of loved ones. My mom was always the type of person to tell you exactly how she felt about you so when you left there weren’t any unhidden feelings. The truly amazing gift my dad gave me was his SMILE as he was lying in his bed waiting for his heavenly homecoming. The fact that he took my hand and choose to hold it and then open his eyes wide open will be embedded in my memory forever. His last words to me will inspire me to be there for my family and friends as he told me in a passionate way, ‘I love you! I love you!’ These were his last words for which I am truly thankful to God.

I know that I will still abuse friendships at times and others will take advantage of me but my heart is to be like my dad and be better at smiling and telling those around me that are important to me that I love them!