It has been almost 30 years since Mary Eaby welcomed us into
her family. She has taught me during this time the real meaning and expression
of godly love. Mary is someone that grew up during the depression and
experienced real hardship in life. She is someone that doesn’t necessarily say
a whole lot but shows her love and concern for you by her actions! As we
gathered for her 90th birthday it was incredible to hear story after
story of her neighbors and church friends.
I have moved often in life and have seldom had the ‘good’
neighbor experience. Usually it has been someone complaining about same lame
thing like parking in their spot on the street. At times it has just been the
sense that no one really notices you or really cares. Our Mary is someone that
goes out of her way to be the neighborhood caregiver! I heard story after story
of neighbors that were shocked to see this older lady placing their newspapers,
LA Times, on their front porch. This happened regardless of rain or shine.
Mary has this passion for loving little stray dogs. She has
taken in many over the years. Her real gift is being that neighborhood dog
watcher. She has at times sacrificed her wishes to be the caretaker of a
neighbor’s beloved pouch! She has an even more amazing gift of being a class 1
baker who loves making cinnamon bread and other various treats. She is the type
to spoil those that are in her circle. We have benefited from her baking over
the years.
Our story starts almost thirty years ago when we met her
granddaughter in my Anne’s sister’s kindergarten class. Robin, the perfect
teacher type, caught us off guard one day when she mentioned that she had this
great little girl in her class that was in foster care. We had the perfect
family of three with our Heather being 8 years old. We had discovered recently
that any more pregnancies for us would be high risk and were open to consider
adoption but really hadn’t talked about it in a serious way.
We had mysteriously met Connie, the foster mom and then
talked with Grandma through her initiation. Julie was a cute little girl with
long hair, beautiful eyes and a very lively personality. We had little
comprehension of what she and her brother had gone through as little kids with
a single mom. Mary become the draw for us to seriously think through the
process of adopting these two kids that lived in San Diego while we lived in
Walnut Creek.
As we were enjoying Mary’s 90th Birthday lunch at
Marie Calendars I asked our Julie if she remembered the first time we met which
she was quick to say yeah! It was at Jon’s birthday party and what stuck out
the most was this little obese dog that couldn’t really walk but seamed to roll
around much like a little seal. We enjoyed our time with meeting Mary and also
the foster mom, Connie. This began a two-year journey that saw Grandma go out
of her way to show us her love for her little grandkids and for including us in
a way that we were instantly made family.
Looking back I didn’t necessarily appreciate the hardship and
sacrifice that Mary experienced as a single parent that struggled with your
typical wild-child teen. (This could have been my brother or me.) What stood
out is that I never heard Mary complain or make excuses about her
circumstances. What stood out was that she worked for an entire lifetime for
the police department as a secretary. She spent most of her spare time and
resources on pursuing her little grandkids. She prayed that God would bring
them a family. It was through her consistent prayers over the years that I
believe God ‘hooked’ us up with Mary and the greater family.
I understand the dynamic of different generations and that
Mary’s was one where you didn’t talk much about the past and looked to a
brighter future and tomorrow. It was this type of drive and determination that
saw her grandkids do more than survive in foster care but be loved by a grandma
who would make the trip from LA to San Diego often regardless of her fear of
driving on the freeway.
As it became clear that we were serious about Julie and Jon,
as if we had any real choice, the path became obvious that we would have to go
through a over a year’s worth of battle with the social services departments in
San Diego and Contra Costa Counties. It was during this time that most would
have given up and thrown in the towel because cross county adoptions were just
not done. Again, I believe it was through Mary’s prayers during this time that
God worked a miracle.
We had initially attempted to do fost-adopt but was told a
big NO after going through a year’s worth of effort. Mary during this time
continued to contact us on a consistent basis and we would visit the kids
because our families at this point all lived in San Diego. What brought this to
a head was that the kids were moved from an incredible foster home with the
Torres family to a different family that wasn’t good. We got rather upset along
with Mary and saw the need to enlist the help of a good attorney friend to get
the attention of all involved.
What was amazing looking back was that a close friend from
grad school had recently gotten married and his wife turned out to be a
supervisor for the San Diego County Social Services Department. She personally
took it upon herself to make sure our kids had a consistent social worker. It
was during this time that our kids were able to visit us in our home in
northern California. Now we could see the light at the end of this 2 plus year
tunnel. Mary had become part of our lives and we saw her huge heart for her
grandkids as they went from being little to now starting to grow up.
It was in February 1989 that this adventure began as we had
Mary’s kids now come to live with us as we finalized the adoption. I believe
that this was a mutual adoption where we were blessed to get Julie and Jon and
Mary adopted us. It has been over the last 25 years that we have seen Grandma
love us from a distance with her meaningful little notes and cards she sends
all of the time. She has sacrificed her resources on us in ways that tears come
to my eyes. I am convicted when it comes to my selfishness and how Mary is the
ultimate example of someone that has laid down her life for her grandkids,
which included our Heather, Anne and me.
I’m thrilled that we were able to surprise our Grandma at our
90th birthday Celebration. This will be a lifetime type of memory
that will impact all of us for the rest of our lives.
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