It's ok to say NO!

One of the most difficult times in life is when you say NO to your child, teen or adult/son/daughter. It’s so much easier to say YES and do something that prolongs the natural consequence of life to unfold. I admit that as a young parent it was so much easier to give into the requests of my kids and not have to deal with the fall out. Yet, the aftermath of this type of mindset, which I see in my life, is that it’s almost impossible to set goals where I intentionally say NO to most things in life so I can say YES to what is really important.

We live in an instant gratification society where I can have anything I want instantly or at least in a day or so via Amazon Prime. Whatever happened to the joy of setting a goal and over a period of time accomplishing it through hard diligent effort? I confess to the fact as a young teen I manipulated my dad into buying me a guitar without having to do anything to earn it. One of my brothers delights in reminding me of that day where my acting skills paid off. I know that some of this difficulty lies around the struggle of knowing how to deal with conflict that arises from the NO word.

Regardless of your background I know that most of us have been taught to be people pleasers who avoid conflict at all cost. What’s the big deal if I give into the pleas of my kids, friends or co-worker? It’s so much easier to just say yes and give them whatever it is that is so important. Yet, the reality is that we have bred a generation of adults who are use to always getting their way. Otherwise, the result of the NO word will be an adult type of tantrum.

I think most expect to see a toddler or pre-k kid expressing themselves in a store when mom isn’t able to meet their demands instantly. What’s shocking is when an adult, regardless of age, does the same thing where you realize that you have been manipulated into doing something that you swore to yourself would never happen. I know that the task of delegating has become a lost art for parents or managers in the marketplace. I confess that it’s so much easier to be a micro-manager that gets everything done my way quickly. Otherwise, I end up having to clean up the mess from someone who is lazy and sloppy.

I believe that saying NO is a key to seeing our present society change for the better. It takes more courage to say NO and realize that you have done your, child, spouse, friend or co-worker a huge favor. Saying no doesn’t equate to you being a horrible person but in the bigger picture you have shown kindness and grace because you are saving the individual future heartache. More importantly you will end up teaching personal responsibility.

The fallacious notion that my first job should pay as much as my dad who is 50 is crazy. Much like having a clean house requires saying no to wasting time on Netflix or doing snap chat or tweeting for hours. What’s even crazier is that most people eat out that don’t have the means because they can’t say NO to fast food and yes to shopping, cooking and doing dishes.  

It’s time to learn how to say NO and see the world around you change by becoming more responsible and proactive. It’s almost just as important to accept the fact that someone is going to say NO to you and your response isn’t a tantrum but a thank you for building your character.