The biggest obstacle to learning is? Look in the mirror!

What are the key ingredients that turn a person into a life-long learner regardless of age, circumstances or traditional education? I recently attended the college graduation of three very special friends who have been very much part of my life the last 3-4 years. The challenge or gift I want them to experience is that learning is so much more than taking a class or getting a degree. It’s a daily choice to open your eyes, have your ears perked to hear and more importantly being teachable and willing to do something that is outside your box!

I’m always amazed at how many today don’t read, aren’t actively engage in becoming learners and then are surprised or upset when they don’t get that promotion, raise or happen to be clueless in a conversation that required some forethought! What has amazed me over the last decade as I’ve work with the full spectrum of people from PhD types, high school drop outs and little kids is that the person who is actively learning stands out from the crowd! I truly believe that the real gift that ‘keeps on giving’, to quote from a familiar Christmas movie, is the gift of being a learner!

I recently attended a Boy Scout Court of Honor to make a presentation on behalf of a scout who is in the process of getting the highest award, the Eagle! What impressed me with this group of young men wasn’t the long list of things they were doing; this was expected to be a Scout but it was seeing two moms who had gone on a 50 plus mile hike across the rims of the Grand Canyon. These moms represent what it means to be an active learner who aren’t afraid to do something new, challenging and outside the box. What was hilarious with this was listening to the scoutmaster make the concession, difficult for men, that these moms could kick his ‘butt’ when it came to this exhausting trek!

It’s never too late to choose to be a learner that actively engages in listening, observing and get this; asking questions! Please don’t make excuses about how circumstances or a certain person has stopped you from growing!

Be a life-long leaner!

Does nonsense dictate your life?

Many make the assumption that with old age comes wisdom? A quick read through Solomon’s essay on life in Ecclesiastes would give credence to the fact that even though this King of Israel had received a special gift of wisdom that his later life didn’t reflect this wisdom. Too often nonsense would seem to be what persuades us to make foolish choices that later come back to haunt us! Many today would be jealous or envious of the wealth and opulence of the president-elect but this King could boast of hundreds of wives and way too many girlfriends. Clearly this type of lifestyle impacted not just the King’s life but the life of a nation.

We live in a time driven culture where some live or die by the clock and being productive. I live around some that would seem to believe that nothing is ever important enough to make an effort or show little concern about being punctual. So, what determines whether we allow nonsense to rule us, the clock to drive us or being practical with learning more through life’s ups and downs. I agree that being older does mean that I have more life experience than the millennial who just served me my coffee. Yet, this doesn’t necessarily equate to me being smarter than my Barista!

There has been a wave of what's called ‘Fake news’ being propagated over this past election cycle. It was rather fascinating to listen to an interview with someone who has been doing this for the last 5 years. When challenged about reporting the truth he pivoted and talked more about his work being satire and ultimately not much different from CNN or FOX news. Clearly the individual doing the interview took the ‘Fake News’ guy to task. Yet, the truth of the matter is that too many have allowed this nonsense to become the truth for them. Why or how is it possible that someone can believe something that is so far out? Yet, over the last year some would say that a national election was largely determined by ‘Fake News’ and leaked e-mails that weren’t verified as to being genuine.

If anything, my old age should humble me to the point that I’m more willing to be real or honest about what I don’t know, understand or can’t do the same as when I was a twenty something! Yet, as someone complimented me on my gray hair I was again taken back by how many still believe that the color of my hair makes me smarter or wiser?

So, one of my New Year’s goal is to not waste time on nonsense or fake news but be more willing to fact check or look at Ecclesiastes to see the difference between being wise or being foolish! This translates for me to be more willing to listen to my Barista then assuming that I’ve arrived.

Keeping your mouth shut can be your greatest accomplishment!

I will be the first to admit that at times I talk too much! Yes, it’s always easy for me to joke around with my wife and others and make the comment that women must always get their 50,000 words out before the end of the day. Men typically would rather withdraw and be cave dwellers that rattle off what they did the last 12 hours of the day in a sentence or two! Yet, I must confess that I do enjoy making a point or helping someone with a little bit of my life story.

It’ not easy to hold back and choose to listen and learn from your spouse, friend, neighbor or work associate. Yet, as I age I have concluded that everyone has the same inner moral/spiritual compass that can guide us through life! My mom would continually reinforced this to me from the cradle to her last day with me. She was my parent that was the talker in the family, yet, she would say often that if you didn’t have something nice and beneficial to say than don’t say anything.

I spent a couple of hours on the phone helping a new friend with assessing her situation and coming up with a potential plan. Clearly she assumed that I was the seasoned experienced worker in the context of her work and possibly might have the answers for her. After having read her work experience and listening to her passion I was quick to say that she had lots of experience and most likely already knew the answers to her questions. I was quick to express that I would learn just as much from her as she might learn from me. The old me most likely would have thoroughly loved being perceived as the expert that ‘God had sent’ to solve her problems and give quick answers to her questions.

I admit at times it can be difficult to accept the fact that the universe will continue to exist whether I open my mouth! I confess to the fact that I wasn’t with the Almighty God at the beginning to give Him my expert advice and counsel. So why is it the case that most of us continue to truly believe that the world around us can’t function without our long-winded advice? Imagine what would happen if we paid attention to those around us instead of being too quick to insert our dribble? I know that it isn’t easy for anyone to politely tell me enough said or more pointedly to ‘shut’ up.

So, is it possible to say less and say more?

Be kind instead of being a ‘jerk’!

 This last week as I’m sitting at my Starbucks writing I watch this generous woman step in between three police officers and pay for their drinks and food. (Trust me this wasn’t the dollar menu at McDonalds!) I was initially shamed because I had thought of doing it but instead sat there and did nothing that is almost the same as being a jerk! Why is it the case today that most are so quick to fly off the handle and say something that leaves someone hurting instead of showing kindness?

I know that most mothers in my day taught their kids to zip it if you have nothing to say that is nice. My mom also re-enforced to me daily that it was so much better to show kindness to everyone instead of being stingy or selfish. Why is it so common today that most kids are rather slow to say please and thank you? I know that thankfulness is something that is both taught and caught! I have memories of my dad giving me the death look if I didn’t say the ‘magic ‘ words!

Imagine how much better Christmas or if you are PC Holiday season would be if everyone slowed down and showed kindness? This would equate to not being in a rush in traffic that isn’t the best for starters and then instead of shoving or pushing to get into the best line for check out slow down and let the grandma go ahead of you! It always surprises me when I’m checking out at a grocery store and have a mega order and let the guy behind me go ahead who has 3 items. I do usually hear a big thank you!

Bigger picture is to imagine what would happen if we actually listened to our spouse, friend or workmate instead of planning our next ‘jab’. I’m always amazed that I actually can learn so much if I choose to engage in a conversation instead of thinking that I’m the know it all! Trust me it isn’t necessarily easy because I still at times think that I know it all and need to enlighten my circle.

I still have ringing in my ears during the Christmas season the annoying voice of George Costanza’s dad from Seinfeld screaming out Serenity now as the one who crafted Festivus as the alternative to Christmas. What would happen if we did actually practice kindness as a daily routine? It just might be the case that peace, friendship and loving kindness could rise to the top instead of assuming the worse of everyone! My mom would always remind me to look for the good in someone and not be into throwing dirt!

Clearly most of us have heard that our incredible Creator gave us two ears and just one mouth for obvious reasons. The difficulty is that we always put our mouths into overdrive and forget that we have built in stereo.

 Celebrate the real meaning of Christmas as God has shown us the most kindness in sending his son who choose to be the quiet one that didn’t complain when he was punished for my sins and yours!

Merry Christmas