Road Rage

I am so fortunate to have great friends who really have a heart and openness to help out my kids and my grandmas. Tom and Kim have been helping us paint houses with their youth group over the last two years. I have so much appreciate their heart in being servants! It was at Christmas during our outreach to the downtown homeless that I actually discovered what they do work wise. As their passion for video and communicating unfolded I realized that God had opened a door for me to be blessed through their putting together a high end video to help me raise awareness of the great need in South Phoenix.

So as we are doing our typical Wednesday night tutoring I have Kim and her production crew visiting and interviewing some of our kids and our tutors. As little Bookie, one of my kids, talks about life with his dad being in jail, his mom being out of control and grandma being the one who is truly there for him it hits Kim out far out all of the stories with Barrio/New City happen to be.

As we were driving around on Tuesday afternoon my main road was blocked off. I had no clue that this wasn't your typically auto accident but actually a road rage shooting that left one individual dead. I end up having to take a long detour to drop everyone off. The next day I pick up Bookie to hang out with me and then I hear the story that it was his dad's cousin who was shot last night and died because of the road rage. Wow - it gets closer and closer to home.

As we finished tutoring and Kim's production team wrapped up we talked about Bookie and his crazy life. How do we get people involved when there are always some concerns about safety and being around danger. Yet, what draws me to do this is that I don't Bookie to be like his dad or mom and become a statistic. All of this is happening because I wrote a short piece on Bookie in my monthly newsletter. Kim, who is really sharp, fell for Bookie's picture and story.

So is it wrong to use my little Bookie as 'bait' to get people to step up and be involved in making a difference in my South Phoenix neighborhoods? God is at work and will use both the forgotten and those who seem to be important by the world's standards.

Busted?

I was rather impressed or taken back by one of my teens who asked if she could sit in the front seat of the van so she could talk with me. I had no idea what was going to unfold. So after a normal Tuesday night of great food, some chaos and an interesting discussion on Stuff Happens we end up driving everyone home.

As we drop off most of the kids with a detour that turns out to be a road rage murder I let this teen transition to the front seat. She proceeds to tell me about getting in trouble at school for something that isn't ok - smoking dope. Her teacher and then the principal get her attention by explaining that if she was really involved with this then she will be suspended or expelled from school.

This teen was so paranoid that her parents would find out. So when her dad and mom show up at school that same day she knows that she is in big trouble. I know that it is easy to always shift the blame to someone else. So I asked her who else was involved. Then she rattled off three young teens who I know and now am concerned about how peer pressure pushes us to do crazy stuff.

The dad decides to have her drug trusted to make sure that her answer about being clean is actually true. So the tension of waiting for the results which if this teen is clean isn't a big deal if the teen is guilty then the results will mean the teen is in trouble. The reality is whether the teen is clean or dirty this individual has chosen to hang out with the wrong group. We talked about how to be a positive influence that steers your peers away from doing drugs, alcohol or sex. The response was that it is so hard to do this because there is so much pressure to be like everyone else.

I now put on my 'dad' or 'father' hat and talk in an open and honest way. She is very open and responsive. I talked about how her mom and dad usually respond to her and how she can reach back to them to help them see her heart in the matter which should be one of repenting or honestly confessing that she blew it big time and does deserve to be kicked out of school.

The tests come back negative which shouldn't be a surprise if the teen is clean but it can always be a wake up call. The dad is the one who gives her the results and now knows that his daughter has been honest but made some rather foolish choices to hang out with friends who are doing some bad stuff. I know that this can happen again but hopefully our van ride discussion will have an impact and the gospel will continue to get into her heart.

I am so thankful that she opened up. I know this wouldn't have happened if we hadn't been doing Tuesday night dinner and discussions.

Starbucks Addiction?

I know that my wife jokes that I live at Starbucks and other friends seem to boast about my whereabouts with posting on Yelp on occasion. I don't want to sound as if I am justifying my addictions but it is amazing to see what can potentially happen when you choose to be around people.

Joseph took over managing my Starbucks just a year ago. We have talked at a distance and it wasn't until I asked for free coffee at Christmas time that we started to dialogue. One of his older baristas has become a great friend and related back to her manager what types of things I did. So it was both a surprise and joy to have Joseph ask me to help organize and put on a big community event in the Strip Mall where our Starbucks is located.

I attempt to be organized and on top of things months in advance not weeks or days in advance hopefully. So when Joseph asked me to help it was only 5 weeks out. So we met and started to map out a plan and have have 'action' steps for each week. So this little event is turning into a big event! It is interesting to see what happens when we step outside of our comfort zone and start networking and working with people. I made a tactical bobo when talking with the new manager at Staples and he obviously isn't interested in giving up freebies for our event so I went to Office Max around the corner and asked if they would do a banner for the event. I get a call back from Mercedes and the banner is going to happen.

I have gone back to my contacts with the City Council Office and asked for specific help. I have asked by Police Officer friend, Chris, who had been the CAO of my area. So our real needs are potentially being considered. I now have to turn to my Barrio/New City friends to ask for help for the actual event. I am hoping that I can get a group of at least 10 to help out for the day and another group of 10 or so from our teens to be there. I am hoping that I can also do hot dogs or sell tacos or something else.

Now Joseph has become a good friend who is comfortable with me to express himself and also dialogue about hot topics. God thanks for my Starbucks!

Best Laid Plans

Saturday was an amazing day between painting 5 houses with a hundred volunteers, doing a bbq in our South Ranch Park and finishing with taking my dad to dinner at his favorite Chinese Buffet. I am learning to trust God with both the biggies and the little things in life. After doing 40 houses over the last 3 years I know that I take a chance in putting out equipment the day before the event. I have gotten lectures from different grandmas about not taking chances. So this Saturday I truly believed would be ok with putting out paint and supplies for 5 houses.

The morning started off great with a large group of volunteers gathering at Hermoso Park. We had Stormwind, a video company, doing a video of the event along with key interviews of different partners and some of my grandmas. I know that the best plans can always be given a detour by God's design. So I had already gotten a call from Mrs. Jefferson saying that she had a funeral, Sylvia had texted to say she had to work and that we had to come to her if that worked. So as we are doing the send off one of my real partners, Brad Ghaster, decides to show up for a few minutes. So the video crew gets to interview him! I get a chance to fill him in on how he has helped over the last 2 years.

As I make my way to the first house it struck me that I had 2 main groups back out or 'flake' out at the last minute. Yet, as I pulled up to Deborra's house there were 20 volunteers working on the house. I was excited to see some of my youth that typically don't help much actually diving in and doing something. As I am finishing say bye to everyone I get a call from one of the houses saying that there is only 5 gallons of pain there? I am confused and again ask the person to go look again and make sure it isn't some place different. It becomes clear that the paint had been stolen - bummer how could anyone do that and not take all of the supplies. I am actually glad they took the paint and not supplies. So I had one of my special helpers, Jared/Sammy, follow me to my house and get some more paint. The house actually needed lots of prep so the group continued to do scrapping and attacking a large dead bush. Everything worked out just fine in spite of me having a minor heart attack.

As I check out another house it again strikes me that as one group isn't able to gather too many volunteers another group steps up and makes a big difference. I was blessed to see the homeowners go out of their way to clean up their houses and get ready for the blitz. So I drive to the last house which is close to my house. This is an older grandma who is in her 80's on oxygen and does dialysis 3 times a week. My lunch group is the one who is rock and rolling on this house. They have the sprayer going and have taped everything. My video crew shows up and I get to be interviewed for the next 30 minutes. While this is going on I know that my bbq group has encountered one of the South Ranch moms who is on the hoa board and is causing some heart ach. I know that I had 'sinned' by not getting official permission to use the park. She definitely is upset but calms down and the event in the park is a great success. So as I am being asked questions I have all of this going on in the back of my brain.

I am now finishing up with the crew and get to talk with Molly the grandma. She is in tears because of the help and is so thankful to discover that I am a pastor and can help her grandsons. I am humbled to see how God puts all of this together in a way that shows His plan unfolding!

As usual the waterside and bbq is a hit at the South Ranch Park. We enjoy sitting around eating, talking and watching the kids have fun. It is a warm 96 degrees this Saturday whereas last Saturday it was raining and 50 degrees. Again God's timing is perfect and that I need to relax and trust Him with the details. So as I am typing this Joseph, the head guy for the Starbucks in my neighborhood, asks if I will help him organize a large neighborhood event in a month. I am excited but again humbled to think of all the work that will go into a huge event with probably a 1000 people not a couple hundred.

I am learning that I get what I need as I need it not in any advance setting usual. It is going to be a great day as Easter is just a few days away.

Everyone Needs a Hero

I know that I have a temper and at times something will happen that pushes my button and I will express myself. I do understand that some people/youth are wired in such a way that it doesn't take too much to push them over the edge and the bomb goes off or fist start swinging or foul language sprays everyone.

One of my kid's cousins just got arrested and placed in J.V. Detention Center for loosing it on a bus. I can imagine the look of the bus driver who is trying to calm down a bad situation. This young eight year old has obviously been told that he has anger problems and that expressing himself is the only way to get it out or deal with it. The problem this time was that the kid brought with him a knife that he had kept in his pocket for moments like this when someone told he to do something he didn't like. I'm sure the driver was taken back by this small kid threatening him with a knife. Obviously the police were called and this ended up with the youth being cuffed and arrested and taken to the Detention center.

As I attempted to talk to two of my teens that had pushed each other's buttons it becomes clear that the culture in which they have been raised has taught them that you can't ever lose a fight or a verbal altercation. Both come out of horrible circumstances where they don't have any dads in the picture and one doesn't have either parent. (The mom is actually deceased.) Just as I think I am making progress with both of these young men they get into a verbal fight inside a McDonalds after church. We had a great worship time and talked about who was our real hero. We had just talked about the fact that might doesn't equal right and that Jesus way to making things right involved humbling himself, being judged and punished for my sin and theirs and then dying the worse death of anyone. Obviously this really hadn't sunk into either of the guys.

I know that the path to change and life transformation is a process that involves years not months. I do know that as I have watched another youth for four years that he has made great progress but still under the wrong circumstances with the wrong youth around him will have an attitude and let forth with profanities. I know that deep down inside I can rationalize my approach which is to more intellectually slice and dice someone. Ultimately as I talked about the Skillet Song Hero I was saying that we all need a hero that is superhuman who can help change our situation. The only hero I know that fits this description is Jesus because He is the Godman who is our redeemer and savior.

I am considering getting permission from their parent/grandmas to talk with their teachers to better understand how they help these guys to control themselves. I know that Jesus used his temper on many occasion to express his righteous anger for the false religion that was around him. I too tire of false expressions of religion that is too much part of the diverse culture in South Phoenix. The only way for this to change is through the genuine expression of living faith. It is easier to go to church, conform to certain practices and put this legalistic framework on others assuming that this is God's path for life.

Excuses

I know that I have a temper and at times something will happen that pushes my button and I will express myself. I do understand that some people/youth are wired in such a way that it doesn't take too much to push them over the edge and the bomb goes off or fist start swinging or foul language sprays everyone.

One of my kid's cousins just got arrested and placed in J.V. Detention Center for loosing it on a bus. I can imagine the look of the bus driver who is trying to calm down a bad situation. This young eight year old has obviously been told that he has anger problems and that expressing himself is the only way to get it out or deal with it. The problem this time was that the kid brought with him a knife that he had kept in his pocket for moments like this when someone told he to do something he didn't like. I'm sure the driver was taken back by this small kid threatening him with a knife. Obviously the police were called and this ended up with the youth being cuffed and arrested and taken to the Detention center.

As I attempted to talk to two of my teens that had pushed each other's buttons it becomes clear that the culture in which they have been raised has taught them that you can't ever lose a fight or a verbal altercation. Both come out of horrible circumstances where they don't have any dads in the picture and one doesn't have either parent. (The mom is actually deceased.) Just as I think I am making progress with both of these young men they get into a verbal fight inside a McDonalds after church. We had a great worship time and talked about who was our real hero. We had just talked about the fact that might doesn't equal right and that Jesus way to making things right involved humbling himself, being judged and punished for my sin and theirs and then dying the worse death of anyone. Obviously this really hadn't sunk into either of the guys.

I know that the path to change and life transformation is a process that involves years not months. I do know that as I have watched another youth for four years that he has made great progress but still under the wrong circumstances with the wrong youth around him will have an attitude and let forth with profanities. I know that deep down inside I can rationalize my approach which is to more intellectually slice and dice someone. Ultimately as I talked about the Skillet Song Hero I was saying that we all need a hero that is superhuman who can help change our situation. The only hero I know that fits this description is Jesus because He is the Godman who is our redeemer and savior.

I am considering getting permission from their parent/grandmas to talk with their teachers to better understand how they help these guys to control themselves. I know that Jesus used his temper on many occasion to express his righteous anger for the false religion that was around him. I too tire of false expressions of religion that is too much part of the diverse culture in South Phoenix. The only way for this to change is through the genuine expression of living faith. It is easier to go to church, conform to certain practices and put this legalistic framework on others assuming that this is God's path for life.

Special Friends

I will always remember this special friend, Pete. He volunteered to help paint with a group from his workplace. He stood out a little because of his shaved head and his marine like attention demeanor. He had brought a group from his work that were participating in a community service project. He was mister organized and did a great job with his friends in making their 2 hour or so project rock.

This began a friendship that saw us have lunch discussion at Rubio's in my neighborhood over the last year plus. We talked about community transformation, spiritual growth and making a difference. We partnered with helping a family in our group that has some serious challenges. Pete stepped up and partnered with me in helping this one families' older son who was still living at home with four little kids from two different mom's. He helped with the painting group that painted this mom's house. We then organized a couple of work parties that helped this mom put her house and life back together.

What I love about Pete is his passion to make a difference. He is someone who won't do something 1/2 way. He is all about giving 150% or more. This is a sad happy story. I knew that Pete wasn't happy with his job and deep down inside wanted his young family to be closer to he and his wife's families back in Ohio. So I knew that unless he found a local job that gave him more opportunity to live out his passions that he would be gone. So he started job hunting and considering different opportunities.

He discovered this amazing business grad program that actually close to where his parent's live. I was excited for him but selfishly didn't want him to leave. He had to take the GRE and pass a few hurdles that would allow him to get into the school and then transition back home in a few months. The time came for his test and he didn't attain the score his school required, missed by 10 points. So he committed himself to retaking the test in a month. So I prayed and waited to hear back. The morning of the test I text him and say I'm praying for him. I get the bad news back that he did worse the second time. He was totally bummed out and ready to 'kill'. I could sense that he couldn't fathom how he could bomb the test the second time. I text back a couple of times that God was in control and that he had been humbled but the world wasn't coming to an end. I knew that I wasn't in a place to meet or talk. So I text him the next day to discover that the director of the program want him badly so he was going to be allowed into the program on a provisional basis.

Now he has 3 weeks to pack, walk away from his work situation and move a few thousand miles away. I had lunch with Pete and he was a transformed man who had truly experienced God's grace and mercy. He could scream and leap tall buildings because of what happened. I sensed he knew that God wanted him in this program. As we shared a few tacos at Rubios and he thanked me for letting him be part of New City - Barrio over the last year or so. I really needed to have done a better job in thanking him for being part of starting a movement that is still growing and figuring out how to make a difference.

I know that May 3 will come to quickly and maybe I'll have lunch with Pete another time at Rubios before he is enrolled at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. I am thrilled to have been able to impacted Pete's life and have a special friend for life who will now look at the world in a different way. I know that his two young sons will grow up with a radical dad whose head will always be shaved but he will understand what it means to be humbled before God and man. Thanks Pete!!

It is always interesting to see how many of us live by numbers. Whether that's the amount of $$ in my wallet, my savings, how big of a car I drive or the number of bedrooms in my house. I know that as a pastor or director of a non-profit that it is easy to look at how many attend an event as a sign of success or failure. We will have a painting blitz in a couple of weeks that will see 5 houses painted and almost a 100 volunteers show up. This will end up being not much more work then just painting a house with 25 volunteers.

So why is it so important that we have to compare and contrast numbers as a sign of success whether that is in the business world, my home or the church? I know that my ego is definitely in the front row seat too often and how I value what I do is based upon the human notion of success. The reality is that numbers don't really mean a whole lot. Last night we had a small turn out for tutoring because of weird weather, a bunch of tutors being out of town and kids/teens that are in trouble or in a 'funk' because of life circumstances. Assessing last night what stood out was that a couple of my teens that are problem 'childs' were able to sit for 45 minutes and actually accomplish something. There wasn't any drama or fight to end the session as there was last week with 10 more students and a few more tutors.

How does the kingdom work? How does any venture work? Isn't it by seeing one life changed at a time. I know at our monthly BBQ I was jazzed to see one of our new grandmas come with her 90 year old mother. The great grandma was honest in saying that she was afraid to come because she didn't know anyone. I know that my good friend Pastor Pablo was bummed because no one from his group came. Yet, I was thrilled that he came and has a commitment to help the process of growing the kingdom in S. Phoenix.

I think it is interesting that Jesus himself would walk away from the flock of 100 to look for the one that was lost. I know that in today's economic climate we would say it is better to cut your loses and let the one lost sheep go and focus on the 99. Yet, I know that God wants me to be more willing to go after the lost sheep, which in my case are teens and adults who have real life issues that make it almost impossible to live. The amount of time and energy it takes to help an at risk youth or party animal parent is difficult to describe. It is an emotional roller coaster that only God can give you the patience and perseverance to stay focused and not lose it and just walk away.

So today I took an older friend to the VA Hospital to get some help. I hadn't seen Claude in a few months and I was taken back by his looking like a hunched over old man. I know he lives in lots of pain which I at time laugh at or minimize. So now I do appreciate the pain he suffers each day which in many ways is a by product of his serving his country in Vietnam. So the quandary we face is that in one sense numbers do matter, like if I am going to pay a bill there had better be funds in my account before I make the transaction or in another sense the person who shows up to an event is more important than worrying about the person that didn't show up.

I am glad that Jesus the great shepherd of my soul has left the 99 to look for me and bring me back into the flock.

Commincation

As we were doing a discussion on relationships and talking about the challenge guys face in being able to communicate it became clear that guys aren’t great at expressing themselves. I know that most guys, men not teens, also have a tough time being articulate when it comes to how they feel and what is going on inside of them. So as we are talking about different ways of communicating both verbal and non-verbal the awkward silence happened and then there was laughter as someone was bold enough to speak out.

The truth is most of us men don’t like to talk about ourselves and would rather talk about sports, work or school. The last thing we want to do is say that I am hurting or got stepped on by someone I don’t like. As we were discussing the importance of developing relationships that are beneficial it was obvious that guys that grow up without dads don’t have great examples of how guys talk and express themselves. All of the guys admitted to the fact that the typical guy is a few years behind the gals in their age bracket when it comes to talking about the obvious life questions.

As we talked about guy – girl relationships and one of the adults challenged the guys to think through the physical side of relationships it was obvious that no one wanted to be a dad at the age of 15 or even 20. Yet the real need is for parents and family to openly talk about how we relate back to our peers, have close friendships and eventually decide who we may marry in the future. I know looking back at my life and my kids it is awkward to talk about sex, courtship and marriage. The haha of this often is that the youth have the knowledge of the mechanics of sex but not a clue about how to nurture and grow a viable and healthy relationship.

I love the comic strip ZITS. It gives a great window into the life of a typical teen who today spends more time texting then talking and the best way to express yourself is via facebook or twitter. The parents in this comic strip do seem like antiquated dinousars that don’t have a clue about life or at least that is what Jeremy believes. Yet, deep down inside both the mom and dad believe that they are still in touch with their son and want the best for him regardless of his belief. The challenge or opportunity is figuring out how to connect with you kid in a way that works on both levels.

I know in my personal life I am taken back when my kids, adults or the kids we work with view me as being an old man. I relish the aspect of age that gives me experience and wisdom but don’t like the label obviously of being a gray heard geezer. The lesson I am learning is that youth and old people need each other. As we had a gathering for dinner at my house this last Sunday it was great to see a few older grandmas present and see how just their presence impacted everyone who was there. I know that it isn’t easy for a teen to slow down enough to listen to an older adult that isn’t into texting, facebook or Starbucks.

The beauty of life is seeing that everyone has a different take on what is important and that when we listen and walk together our perceptions of those that are different changes. It is funny to see such a diverse group of teens actually become a family instead of trying to kill each other, slam each other or purposely put each other down. My hope is to see more adults be able to admit to their closeness to connecting with people that are different and take a risk to be different and make a friend that is from a totally different life focus or ethnic background. I love listening to Mrs. Jefferson, Doris, Hattie or Mr. Cooke. They come out of a totally different context and bring a refreshing side of life back into my focus. I need that because too often I live between my iphone, laptop or ipad. I love to read and also watch people live their lives.

Roller Coaster Called Life

I am learning that life is a roller coast that does have certain times when you go up really high and then have this sensation of falling where life can be rather scary and exciting. It has been a rather stretching couple of weeks with both Anne and I having the flu bug. The added extra in our lives now is our daughter’s wedding and all of the planning and emotional ‘stuff’ that goes into deciding the bigger questions. There is definitely a transition in getting to know the in-laws or out-laws as I would joke with my parents and Anne’s.

We have some close friends who have gone through some really tough times. The old adage when it rains it pours would totally describe their lives. I had meet with my one friend to get advice and accountability on relating back to my family situation. As we shared and listen to each other it was obvious that we both had ‘full’ plates before us. God has put us into situations where we have no choice but to trust Him, ask for his strength and peace to make each day. I know that I have gotten use to the drama side of life as we have worked in our neighborhood over the last 4 years. I wish there were easy answers to give to some of my kids, teens and their families. Yet, I know usually God wants me to live one day at a time and not look for some easy out.

We have been around a few friends who have had loved ones take their lives. The questions and emotions that come out of this make it almost impossible to know how to help or do anything. I can remember the look of anguish on this one couple when I saw them the morning after. Tears and hugs were all I could handle. My daughter’s boss had something similar happen to him. After attending this teen’s funeral it again struck me that no one is prepared to have anything like this happen to them. So as I look at my life, which does seem crazy at times, I have a better appreciation for seeing that I am ok as I journey with God’s help in better embracing grace and mercy as my focus and not being a super star or having the answers.

I have to admit that I get frustrated at times with my dad and his inability to understand simple things. So when I get a phone call and he is upset and uses some different way of describing his situation I know I have to de-code and ask if the T.V. is working or whether something has happened to him. So when he called yesterday I could tell he was frustrated. So we navigated through the uncharted sea of how to fix the T.V. it took 10 minutes to get him to figure how to turn back on the cable signal and also make sure the cable was actually on. So as I heard the sound come blaring out I was pleased that we got it to work. I am always concerned to give my dad the best help which doesn’t always mean that I come to his rescue but help him navigate through the rough seas in his life at times.

We had a great weekend between having dinner with some new older friends at a nice Italian place, then doing a carwash that raised $$ without doing any cars, go figure that one out, helping with a birthday party of one of our little kids and then doing our monthly bbq that is always a pleasant surprise as to who comes and the mix. So what stands out is one of the moms of my younger kids stepped up and gave her grandma a breather. This meant that she took her kids away on the weekend and during the weekend instead of having her 70-year-old grandma be mom. It is difficult to describe what it is like to raise ‘drug’ babies. So I am thankful that my grandma Sarah got a break. Yet, the reality is that these kids have real needs so on Friday night one of them is taken to the hospital for an asthma problem and another is taken into the ER for a severe reaction to a spider bite.

As usual there is always some type of drama incident that causes us to have to work through personality clashes or family feuds. So it is interesting to see how easy it is for teens that don’t have dads and a real family support structure to pick on each other and be so quick to verbally beat each other up. It is easy to lose it with these kids some times and then still reach back to them. This, in the bigger context, is all good because it forces everyone to care about each other and realize that we all have issues and tend to be selfish and over react to circumstances that are crazy. There are always good stories so as I am talking to one of our older teens she is graduating in May and the topic is more helping her get some $$ to get her class ring, fill out applications for college and work through some of the land mines of being in a broken family. The great news is that she is graduating and will go to college. Yeah!!

I know that being sick at times forces me to slow down or actually put everything on hold for a few days. I was actually able to read a couple of books that continue to reinforce the need to trust God more, step out in faith more and not be fearful of ‘man’. I am thankful for the many friends that God has sent out way. I also know that one of my problems is putting to much faith in people and being let down at times. So I am seeking to find a balance where I can recognize the great things that God is doing. As I look around at other friends who have real life struggles I am thankful that my life is pretty good a present. Yes the temps were high over the weekend but there is a cooling spell coming in a few days. So God’s grace and mercy always refresh me as I face a new day!