I was in the middle of attempting to have a romantic dinner
ready for my Anne when she came back from her CPE Class at 9pm. I had gotten
three calls from different people who I assume thought I was rude because I
said I couldn’t talk. I had another teen that kept calling which became
annoying. I had quickly gone by Fresh and Easy and picked up some great steaks,
cauliflower and fruit. I knew that Anne was exhausted after doing a project all
day and then had to present it in class.
Just as I’m finishing everything I get a text from a good
friend who is having some struggles with his/her boy/girlfriend. I had just
recently talked to this individual so I kinda new what the issues were about. I
was raised in a home where my mother taught me or forced me to be a helper and
thoughtful in all that I do. I’m not bragging about being the best spouse but
had a great example of parents who cared for each other by being real servants.
As we texted back and forth I realized that the issues at
hand were really difficult to resolve. How do you help someone who has been
raised around an all-chauvinistic environment to understand that you have to
put your future spouse first and be willing to work hard, even when it isn’t
fun and then choose to be a neat freak when by nature you are a slob?
I know with my own kids that it isn’t any different as we
grew up, as a family, it was obvious that one of my kids was an early bird and
the other was a night owl. I also had an ocd neat freak and a slob for my kids.
Looking back it is almost funny to see how they have all turned out since they
have their own places. My one slacker kid has turned into the clean freak that
finished school with perfect grades! I’m so proud of this one. Much as I am so proud of my other
kids but it has been a long journey when it comes to growing up and defining
yourself by your choices and not by your environment or your parents.
I could tell as I texted to this young friend that it they
were almost at a point of screaming. So I offered to have my Anne come and be a
taxi so we could talk face to face. This wasn’t an option because it was too
late. So I gave some guidelines or boundaries, which I knew we both agreed to
and said just be very honest and specific with your boy/girl friend. Ultimately
we say good night to each other and my Anne eventually arrives home about 45
minutes late.
I know it isn’t easy for most men to have the sensitivity it
takes to understand their spouses or girlfriends. I’m not sure why we are wired
in such a way that we expect the world to revolve around us totally. I know
that picking up my clothes or taking out the trash isn’t the most important
thing in the world. Yet, if I left all of my dirty clothes next to our bed I
know that my Anne would ream me at some point. Just as I know that most
families have pets, we have a zoo and it is wrong for me to assume that my wife
will feed, clean up after and pick up the poop in the backyard for our herd.
Yet, how many kids beg, plead or scream for a pet only to see mom, not dad,
take care of it for the next 20 years.
My hope in the relationships I have with my guys, both
little guys, teen guys and men guys is to help them see that being a servant
leader with your family is the most awesome way to live! I know that among
Jesus’ 12 there was always an ongoing argument about who would be the number one
leader. This created much consternation among the rest of the disciples. So I
know that often greatness in my neighborhood is seen in having your spouse or
girlfriend serve you dinner or a beer but the real sign of servant leadership
is when the guy of the house not only cooks the meal but also does the dishes.
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