I think all of us get the fact that most of us are usually unwilling
or slow to admit to our faults, mistakes or outright bad choices. Usually we
become gifted at making excuses or blame shifting! I will always remember a ‘Scout
Leader’ instructing me on the ways of when I point the finger blaming someone my
other three fingers point back at ME. The difficulty is that I’m no different
than the kid or teen coming out of disadvantaged circumstances when it comes to
believing that I deserve preferential treatment.
Accountability always sounded like a dirty word to me as a
teen and young adult. I truly believed that it meant I had to sell out to the ‘man’
and never have freedom or the ability to make my own choices. The reality as I’ve
worked with at risk youth for decades and now am a senior is humbly seeing the
power of being accountable first to yourself and then to a few that love you
enough to speak truth into your life.
One of the real tensions in our culture is how to empower
our youth to step up and own their lives. The challenge is that regardless of
your family setting, rich kids can be just as quick to assume that they deserve
everything as disadvantaged youth believe nothing is ever their fault. So, the
missing ingredient to most youth is understanding the importance of
accountability, setting goals and a willingness to listen to special friends or
adults. The unfortunate reality is that too many, myself included, believe they’ve
got it figured out and don’t need advice or help.
I now get that most things in life are better caught than
taught. I was fortunate to have incredible parents who modeled what it meant to
be responsible, honest and willing to listen as a life paradigm. I have lived
around youth and young adults who have never had this type of life example and
rather have been taught to find the easy way out or assume that someone else is
going to pay. The difficulty is that as a kid its rather easy to persuade an
adult with that smile or cute laugh to do something. Reality sets in when you’re
older and the smile doesn’t cut it anymore.
One of the best lessons my parents taught me was not to buy
me a car when I was in High School. I caught the life lesson from my parents to
get a job in High School. I was able to save up to get my first car without any
financial help from mom and dad. I
needed their help in finding a car, getting insurance and learning how to
drive. The worst thing to do is give someone a car or laptop without any real ‘buy
in’!
One of the challenges in helping someone not live an
entitlement mindset is that it’s so much easier to do it for them than allowing
them to own up and do it on their own or with a little bit of help. Empowerment
requires real work on the part of the parent, mentor or friend that understands
that failure is never final nor fatal. The difficult is that too many kids and
teens are too afraid of failure and believe that winning is everything.
So, typically when something goes south it usually is my
fault. The opportunity is to be honest, real and own up to real-life. The
ultimate benefit is that I will lose my fear of failure and discover that hard
work isn’t going to kill me but produce character.
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