Stop it!! Don’t gossip period!!

I catch myself too often in the middle of thinking I’m being sensitive and helping someone only to discover that I’ve broken someone’s confidence. I didn’t intentionally seek to gossip or trash talk but it happened. Last night I received a message from a good friend who I do respect that was losing it because a couple of close friends had trash talked behind this individual’s back. I had recently watched all of these individuals together actually helping each other.

So why do we continue to bash and attack those that are close to us? I totally get why I might attack someone who I view as a competitor or someone that I honestly don’t like. Yet, the fallacy in all of this is I and others truly believe that by gossiping or pretending to help by putting down that we are actually building ourselves up? How’s it possible to be into deconstructionism and think that it’s actually going to help anyone?

I experienced one of the most humbling and tragic events in my life when a few in my leadership core decided I was no longer their ‘guy’. When I first heard this, it was shocking and numbing. The aftermath was a soul-searching time and a reflection on a few friends who had gone behind my back to do something they believed was best for all. I know that looking back over the last 12 years I admit that I had a lot to do with the disconnect amongst a small group. Yet, what hurt was knowing that a few had chosen to strategize my demise and didn’t do this eyeball to eyeball.

Ultimately, I didn’t learn how to be more venerable from this circumstance but more guarded especially around close friends and even my family. Who wants to be exposed as a failure or the ‘wrong guy’? Yes, I’ve learned since to be bolder, depend on the Lord more and never be ashamed of who I am. My younger friend who was hurt by a few friends is still hurt, upset and angry. Big picture is why do we continue to tear down those who we appear to care about and love?

My mom would always remind me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say about someone then don’t say anything it all. Verbally abusing someone will never make anyone a better person but only hurt all of those involved.

So, stop talking unless it’s going to build up another person. Silence sometimes can be golden!