Anne is OK!

I usually don’t worry or cry very often. I have to admit that once Anne shared with me her news about seeing a specialist and the potential of her having cancer I was totally stunned. We had a busy day and our niece is staying with us so my Anne wouldn’t divulge any info until we were totally alone, expect for four dogs. As I lay there in bed I was devastated. My thoughts went from God what are you doing to what else in the world could happen to me. I wasn’t going to throw a pity party yet but my mom had died 5 years ago and now my dad has Dementia and is far from normal.

After waking up it hit me that I had to continue living this week and prepare for an Urban Plunge Event with Young Life Students coming from New Jersey on Friday and then the painting blitz and neighborhood cleanup on Saturday. Anne had seen this specialist who told her she must have surgery and a biopsy as soon as possible. The amazing thing is that her new doctor’s office moved mountains and got her a surgery date in a week. The dynamic in play here is that she had just been laid off from her work and her insurance stops in a few weeks. (Yes we can get COBRA.)

I had secretly planned a get away for Anne and me after the painting blitz at a local resort for a couple of days. I knew we needed time alone and also an opportunity to talk with our kids and their spouses. I was totally taken back when my Anne went out of her way to write a thank you note to the Doctor’s office and scheduler for getting her a spot before the doctor left on a lecturing trip. She did the usual Anne thing of writing an incredible note and then dropped off See’s candy. I knew this was a hit when the doctor’s first words out his mouth were about the note and the candy.

The Urban Plunge Event went really well and after about 2 we were finished and ready to load up for our resort get away. Then we get a call from our Jon who is looking at a potential house to buy so we commit to go see it. Amazingly enough it turns out to be minutes away from our house. So we see the house and actually love it and are excited that they will be neighbors – almost. They ask if we want to eat afterwards and we say yes. Just as we get into the Sports Bar it starts to monsoon big time and the afternoon turns into a massive dust storm. We enjoy the food but then leave in the midst of the storm.

We pack and start our drive to the resort. We have stayed here a few times over the years as a family hang out for everyone. I knew that I was a little afraid of breaking down as I would spend time just listening to my Anne and her to me. We finally got unpacked and sat on the couch in the living room of the suite. I couldn’t hold back the tears and the emotions of wanting her to know how much I loved her, appreciated her and could never imagine my life without her. We had decided to invite all of our kids over the following night to talk about the surgery and what could happen.

I knew that the news of this would way heavy on everyone. I didn’t know what to expect when everyone showed up in the midst of another monsoon with lots of wind and lightening. A few of them decided to swim a little and then finally we were all sitting outside of the pool. We thanked all of them for coming and wanted to share our spiritual side of life, read Scripture and then pray for Anne. We hadn’t rehearsed the format so I let Anne go first and share the news leading up to the surgery. She had picked a passage to read so I let her read it off my iPhone. I then shared our personal journey with the Lord and how we believed that just as He had led us together in college, through Heather’s birth, Julie and Jon’s adoption, grandma’s struggles with cancer, grandpa’s battle with dementia that we believed that God would help us through this.

We explained that there aren’t any guarantees in life, yet the Lord gives his grace and mercy to face anything. I had a tough time talking without tears flowing as much as Anne cried as she shared that it wasn’t time from her perspective to leave. As we both talked back and forth it was time to pray and continue with the evening. I could tell that this was very difficult for everyone. Each of my kids and their spouses responded differently, one joked too much, another was quiet and another had tears coming down her cheeks. I was thankful for the evening together, a meal together and also a chance to just hang out afterwards.

We got up the next morning and had a great quiet time together. I knew that the surgery the following day could change my life forever. I am very selfish and can’t imagine I could live without my Anne at my side. She is the glue and inspiration that moves everyone. She is the one that gets us to laugh at ourselves. So I asked for a later check out time which the resort was happy to provide and they actually upgraded us to the larger presidential suite because the resort was empty after the weekend.

As we packed to leave I sensed a peace that helped prepare me for the following early day of surgery. Little did I expect to have some of my kids and one of our families actually meet us at the hospital at 5am! The staff at the hospital were incredible and made it easy to face the surgery. It is always the waiting that is most difficult. They gave us a little pager that would tell us when surgery started, finished and when the doctor would meet us. I was rather shocked how quickly it was over. I missed the call and the page that the doctor was ready to see us. I was shocked when he showed up downstairs in the Starbucks area. He quickly explained how well it went and how he didn’t see anything that would give him any indication of cancer. He still did the biopsy and other procedure.

It took longer for Anne to awake from the anesthesia than the surgery and it took even longer for the wheel chair to get her out to the car. I felt as if a huge weight had been taken from my shoulders. I didn’t know whether I should cry or scream. I had little sense how this would impact our larger family and friends. As I sent out word through FB, e-mail and texts and got back over 100 responses that reminded me how important my Anne is to a lot of people. It made me want to cry even more understanding what all of us had been through the last couple of days.

I was thankful that she didn’t have any sickness from the anesthesia and was able to sleep like a baby. We had company after dinner that I had to eventually kick out of the house. I went to bed last night as if I was a new person given a second chance on life. I will go out of my way to show my love for my Anne and not take advantage of her. Yes, God is in control and I knew that regardless of the outcome that He would give me the strength to live one day at a time. Thank you Jesus that my Anne will continue to make her off the wall comments and be the inspiration for many!