Change

Last night after seeing my dad and taking him out for Chinese food we got our Christmas tree. Anne and I go back and forth with getting micro trees to getting six to seven foot trees. This year Lowes had a great price on Noble Firs and we found the perfect tree without any ‘holes’ or brown spots. After our Swedish helper finished trimming it and putting a wrap around it we raced off to get home to feed our dogs, get some desert and go hang our with our son and his fiancé.

As we are driving off it hits me that it was a year ago that my dad had his stroke. I go to say something to my Anne and start to cry. It has been 5 Christmases since my mom was around. So I have a habit at times of becoming weepy during the holiday season. I am so thankful for the changes that have taken place for my dad. He has had a tough year with being in the hospital three times between a stroke and pneumonia. Yet, the most amazing gift is his new home at Clair Bridge. He now has a home where he has activities each day, great caregivers and a network of support that works.

I know that one of the tough facts in life is that nothing comes with a ‘money back’ guarantee. Remember that I have a philosophy degree where one of the ancients would say that the only thing in life that is consistent is change. I can remember a ‘fateful’ Monday night a couple of years ago when we did something looking back that was foolish. We took our dad, when he lived with us, for a walk with all of our dogs. I for some reason was in a rush to get across the street with the little dog so I could help my dad across the street. My exuberance ended up in the death of our little dogs. That night impacted all of our family where we mourned for months afterwards and my dad truly believed it was all his fault.

I am adjusting to the loss of my mom and have replaced the loss of our little dogs with the puppies of Rosie who got hit by the car. So as I share about Anne’s duck, Matilda, deciding to fly south you can understand a little how I can be soft on the inside when it comes to life and death matters. We had been feeding this white duck over the last couple of months. She was typically by herself and on rare occasion there would be other ducks, not white, that would hang out for a few days. We would pull up on the canal in the morning or at night and Anne’s duck would quickly find her way to us. We would feed her dog food, which she had to fight the three-foot long fish in the canal to get her breakfast or dinner.

I have a special friend who has gone through some even more difficult times. She lost her grandma, lost her job of 18 years and then her beloved car was totaled. She has taken a 50% cut in pay and isn’t able to afford another car. She is so quick to give back as we help out on occasion. She has taught me so much about staying the course and being thankful and cheerful in the midst of hardship. Too many of my other friends shut down and don’t engage in real life.

I know that this could potentially be my last Christmas with my dad. I also am learning to be thankful for today. Yes, I don’t have to inflict myself with an anxiety attack because of not having the future all figured out. The Lord’s Prayer has become special to me as I pray very simply, “Lord give us this day our daily bread”. The Israelites got more than enough every day during their 40-year journey through the wilderness. I am excited that my God is faithful today for my real needs, not my wants and that He is the one who wants me to trust Him for tomorrow.